September 2010 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
You bought what!!!
DH and I are having our first marital issue, and looks like if we don't nip it in the bud, it could be catastrophic in the future. We are both independent and both make pretty decent money. He has lived in our home for 15 years. I sold mine and moved into his newer, bigger, and more modern home. We have not combined accounts or incomes. I pay for household expenses such as food, cleaning supplies, all the family's clothes, school expenses for kids, etc and invest and save the rest. He pays all the bills. We never really discussed purchasing in the past. Today, I checked the mail to find a new $105,000 bill!! He bought a condo. His parent's condo, and never discussed it with me at all! Yes, he can easily pay it where it would never affect our standard of living, but it isn't like he bought a tv or even a car. It's a house. He loaned his parents $25,000 for a down payment several years ago and they have not been able to repay the loan. They now are moving to another property they own, and offered the condo to DH for the amount of loan. The condo is worth about $150,000, so he can make his $25,000 back, but he wants to hold onto and maybe we can retire there one day?? I'm pissed. I don't want to live in that town EVER and I don't want to deal with renters in the meantime. Now, he has another property that we don'e need, and I don't want. We just listed farm land he bought a decade ago but never farmed. He is not a farmer. He is an attorney! GRRR!
Married at last!!
Re: You bought what!!!
I never understood the point in buying a condo, it's basically just an oversided apartment, I would much rather buy a house.
If my hubby did something like this, I would be beyond pissed! I know the housing market isn't great right now, but, maybe you can see about putting it on the market to sell.
I love my puppy ... and my husband, I swear!
Wow. That's kinda messed up. I would be pretty upset if H went and bought a condo and never discussed it with me. It's not even about whether he has the money or not, it's about the fact that you two are a family and a household now. He shouldn't be making decisions like that without input from you, IMO.
I think - if you haven't already - that you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about making financial decisions and get on the same page. H and I haven't combined our finances yet either. We have the same kind of deal where he pays the bills and I pay for the vacations and fun stuff. For the most part, I don't care what he spends "his" money on, but we did have a talk about making large purchases. We set a certain amount that the two of us agreed on that we won't spend above without consulting the other first.
Sorry you're having to deal with this. I think - like you said - it's good to have a serious talk and nip it in the bud before this can happen again.
Though I am kinda curious - why couldn't his parents have just sold their condo themselves and then given H the $25k they owed? That seems logical to me.
The Princess of Anything is Coming!
Had a dream I was queen.
Woke up. Still queen.
HOLY cow! I don't even know what to say. If DH did that without telling me, then it better be prepared to move into that condo cuz I'd be kicking his butt and he would be staying there a long time!
We also live on a very tight budget, so we usually don't spend more than $100 on one item (other than a bill or groceries, etc.) without the other one knowing first.
Good Luck!
Finances are such a touchy issue, and it's varies so much from couple to couple.
I personally would be like wtf?! But if it was something he was planning to do for a while (you just got married right?) and if it doesn't really affect you, I guess it's not really a deal breaker. For me anyway. I dunno...if he did that while I needed a new car and chose to do that instead some heads would be rolling. hahaha
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
Which is why most people who own them like them - better than an apartment, with the perks of renting. It's impractical for a lot of people to own houses in cities, and if you're never home, taking care of a house yourself can be a pain. I'm not saying it's not possible, but we considered getting a condo because a house was too big a commitment, particularly knowing we'd be reselling it in a few years in what would likely still be a crappy market. I guess what I'm saying is, everyone has to do what is right for them.
And to the OP: I agree with the PPs. Sit down with your husband and tell him, matter-of-factly, why this bothers you. Let him know that even though both of you are financially independent, you still need to make big decisions together and at least discuss things like this with one another in the future. Best of luck selling it!
I would have been pissed. We decided not to combine our finances but still making a huge purchase like that would have affected us both.
Yes, you need to nip it in the bud. I would have a million questions for him:
Why would you do this without talking to me about it?
Why didn't you tell me, did you think I would not find out?
Do you plan on selling it so we can make 25K from the sale?
If not, do you plan on living there while I kick your a$$ out?
And tell him, and BTW I bought a new Mercedes!
BAHAHAHAHA
WINNA!
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
Wow! I'm in shock. Like you said, it's not like going out and buying a tv or something... even buying a car without your knowledge (although still wrong) would be better than a freaking condo!
Personally, I would be seriously concerned if my DH ever kept something like that from me.