Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Ever notice there is ALOT of MIL posts?
And few FIL posts?
I will be the first to admit, I do not like my MIL at all. She is a two faced, back stabbing, ***! And it sure seems like alot are. WTF is wrong with them?
I have two daughters and I sure the hell hope when they are married I don't pull the crap that alot of our MIL's do. I guess one good thing with reading all these posts, hopefully I can learn by THERE mistakes.
I envy any of you that have wonderful MIL's. You are lucky. 
Re: Ever notice there is ALOT of MIL posts?
Honestly, I think it's because women are territorial when it comes to men. I think many of the MIL stories are probably fairly on point and the MIL's are having a hard time letting go.
But I've seen a few posts where I really think "I'd LOVE to know the MIL's version". When I see where the DIL is pissed because her MIL "dares" to want to know how her sons doctors appt for an illness went, or dares to make his favorite meal and bring it over (usually followed with "What, does she think I can't cook?!"), etc.
The meal/ cooking thing- the DIL makes it about her, and about how it's hidden comment on her cooking skills when ALL it might be is "I felt like making you all some food to be (get crazy) NICE!".
There is a ton of gray area, obviously, but from everything I've seen on these boards - I think a lot of it is territorial issues and I think many times the DIL's play into it more than they realize or want to admit.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I totally agree with you!
Oh my FIL sucks as well - it is just more fun for me to complain about the MIL
Their!!!
I think I have the meanest MIL there is.
She is lazy, doesn't leave the house, never calls any of her kids but expects them to come over and visit her... and when they do, they better bring her gum or food from McDonalds.
She has no problem telling someone... "You are really getting fat, you look terrible, don't you think you better diet?" But, she weighs 350 lbs. and is 5'1".
I haven't seen her in 3 months, and I do not miss her at all.
My own mother is mean - in different reasons, which I would like to write about and get advice from you people - just haven't had the time to write my story. My point being, I don't want to put up with my own mother being rude, I don't think I need to put up with MIL too.
I think my MIL (and FIL) are great people. I wish they lived in the same state as H & I especially since their health isn't the best.
a lot, not alot. And as pp said it's their, not there.
My MIL has talked before about how she gets jealous when her sons get new girlfriends. Another friend of mine who has grown children mentioned the same thing to me.
So I think moms just tend to feel like they're being replaced, hence the bad behavior.
I'm fortunate enough to have an awesome MIL, even if she is jealous
I think MIL horror stories just simply get talked about more than the "I love my MIL" stories.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
I agree with saraelizabeth- very few people who aren't having problems with their MILs are going to post about it on a message board.
Also, like ECB said, there are definitely times when I wish the MIL were here to give her side of the story. I think in many cases, the MIL is awful and her son married someone who reminded him of her, so there is bound to be a lot of butting heads.
oops, meant "count" not "county"...
People talk more about bad experiences than good ones. If you get poor customer service at a business, you're more likely to tell everybody you know about it than you are likely to tell people about a great experience.
I also think many women expect their relationship with their MIL to be fraught with tension. The trope of the awful MIL is just too common in our culture for people not to be influenced by it.
I do too. It's almost like a contest between two women on who is better at taking care of the guy, whether it be her H or her DS. I have to say I would give anything to have been able to meet my MIL as she's been deceased 17 years longer than i've known H.
Don't envy me. I don't post MIL stories but it doesn't mean life is rosy.
And I think you mean THEIR.
Sorry about that.
There is ALWAYS two sides to a story and then the truth.
Though the post immediately below (the mil that wont go) is a great example of DIL etitlement that more than likely caused the MIL attitude.
Recognizing that no woman wants to live with their MIL, expecting a disabled woman to just pick up and move out on a fixed income, having one of the most financially and physically dibilitaty diseases be GRACIOUS about it is pretty darned inconsiderate in my opinion.
Could the MIL's comments come from nastiness or fear?
Granted the comments are wrong, but depending on how the DIL reacted to them, there could have been a totally different result.
I loved my IL's until we got engaged. Then something changed in the relationship. They kinda treated me like someone who was dividing their family instead of joining it. (DH just told me that he had to stand up to them a few years ago when we started splitting Christmas because they were mad at me for changing it. He told them that WE were changing it because WE were a family now and had to see both of OUR families.)
Also, whenever I was with my MIL during our engagement discussing wedding stuff, she would start talking about when her daughter gets married it will be the biggest and best party ever. (SIL did not even have a boyfriend at this time).Even when I we went dress shopping just the three of us, she wanted her daughter to try one on, "just to see".
They really aren't horrible people, they're just different than my family like someone else mentioned. It is an adjustment for everybody involved.
Thanks..... don't know what I would have done without you today.
OH - and I was PP. duh
So true. Last year I found my ex-SIL's posts on another message board (she was starting to go off the deep-end prior to her separation from my BIL, and I was trying to figure out what was going on in her head). Her version of how things were transpiring with our family was so different than my perspective. I have a pretty great MIL, and it was so interesting to see how the ex SIL interpreted everything.
It certainly reminded me to take people's posts about their awful family situations with a grain of salt.
Happy, the best dog ever. ~February 1998 - July 22, 2012
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I can't stand my MIL. She's intrusive, overbearing, and has codependency issues. Calls DH multiple times a day, everyday.
I don't have a FIL so there's nothing to complain about there. DH's dad has been out of the picture since he was 2. The closest thing I have is DH's ex-step-dad and he is delightful.
oh yeah. my MIL is coming out to visit next week, so.... you've all been warned ahead of time, if you don't like hate-ful MIL posts- stay off this board next week. Actually, my MIL from my 1st marriage was a lovely woman and she didn't cause trouble at all. I miss her.
I actually like MIL better than FIL. And I get along with both of them now pretty well even though they aren't my most favorite people in the world.
MIL definiely has more of a Mama Bear complex with DH though than FIL. I think it was hard for her when he moved away and she wasn't the #1 woman in his life.
i've often thought the same!....and then maybe we could be on the same page finally!
excellent point