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What am I supposed to do? **UPDATED**
So, remember a while back i told you about that job for dh at the main-site branch of his company? here's the shortened version of what happened:
dh goes through interviews, everything goes well. a week later, we find out that it's between dh and this other guy (from outside the company).
other guy got the job. dh fought it. there's a lot of backstory, but basically the owner of the company said he would see what he could do.
i guess "what he could do" was nothing, because dh just found out that the other guy got the job and he starts on monday. dh is sick he's so mad. he very much has felt from the beginning that this was his job that he was in before (it's not -- added responsibilities and such) and he should have just be given the job. and, since the owner said he wouls see what he could do, that should have fixed everything.
anyway, when we talk about this, it is not good. i don't agree with his take on things, which makes him mad. if i just sit and listen, he feels like i'm not being supportive. if i tell him what i think about it, he thinks i'm not being supportive. so basically, i have no good way to deal with this. i'm not going to tell him i agree with him when i don't.
what am i supposed to do to make this not be a total suckfest? i know he'll be in a crappy mood, but how do i not make it worse?
Update:
I called him a couple of hours ago. Shockingly, he wasn't in a terrible mood. He said he's unhappy that he didn't get the job, but he accepts the decision. So, looks like my night won't be so bad after all. I am making him his favorite dinner and I will try to encourage some "activities" later.
Re: What am I supposed to do? **UPDATED**
This really stinks. I'm so sorry.
I would be supportive w/o judging...
And maybe give him some extra special nooky.
Just listen, don't give your opinion. Your husband feels bitter, angry, neglected, he's gonna have to just vent.
Be his sounding board, even if you feel differently.
Put out.
This sounds like it could be me & E. Here's how I react:
Hon, I love you. And yes, I think you should've gotten the job and it's not right that you didn't, because you'd be perfect for it. And of course I wanted you to get it because it's better for both of us and because you'd be happier and of course when you're happier, I'm happier.
I'd think the same if you were applying cold for a completely new job in a completely new company. Because I think you're awesome and anyone who doesn't see that is an idiot.
Thing is, business is business, and this is a corporation. They don't always make the brightest decisions or the right decisions, but they make the decisions they think are best for them, and it doesn't reflect on you at all. That fact that your boss didn't or couldn't help... well, he was offering or suggesting that he pull rank on the people actually doing the hiring, and that he put pressure on them.
If it wasn't you he was offering to do it for, you'd know it was wrong for him to do it. If you were on the outside of this situation and not part of it, you'd think he was scum for doing that. So while it'd have been nice for you (and us) if he did do it, it really wouldn't have been right.
Yes, this sucks. It sucks a lot. But it's not the end all/be all, and it's not the rest of our lives. There will be another opening, another job, another company... something better somewhere along the way. And until then, we'll just support each other and make each other happy with where we are for now.
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Larissa, I like your suggestion.
I so wish that nooky would work in this one. Sadly, he probably won't be in the mood. Boo.
And, I'm not going to stress over it. Sometimes when I think it's going to be a bad time, he will surprise me and be cool. We'll just have to see what happens.
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