Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
If you've been with DH >10 years
Over the years, DH and I have become more friends than lovers. We rarely have sex. We have had sex once since March. I was pregnant most of that time, which accounts for some lost desire, but desire hasn't returned.
If you've been with your DH more than ten years (and preferably if you're over 30), please give me suggestions for keeping the love alive. How can I turn us back into lovers?
Really appreciate some advice. I want t be with DH until death do us part, and I think this is important. Or is it?
Re: If you've been with DH >10 years
we have been together for 11 years, 3 kids, i am 30 and he is 36. you really need to lock the door turn off the phone and make it your 100% focus. sex is a very important part of a marriage. its not just the physical part is more intamate than that. it a great stress relief.
surprise him, take kids to sitter and set somthing up in the middle of the day !!!! buy some toys or some sexy clothes. go out of your comfort zone. trust me men really notice that.
I find that fantasizing about each other is important. If you don't fantasize, you start thinking of the person as a convenient companion and sex partner, and the sex lacks something, and when the sex lacks something, it dwindles.
Also, remember that it's easy to get into the habit of not having sex. If you start things anyway even when you're not in the mood, you'll get in the mood, and the more you get in the habit of doing it, the more you'll want to do it.
Talk to him about it. I think sometimes we get so busy, we forget about us. I know the more I get it, the more I want it....so we work with that. Is there something he likes...like lingerie? role playing? If you don't know....ask him what turns him on.
I asked MH yesterday what he likes to see in bed....and he answered, "you". Here I am, all, "no, no, do you like thongs, what about this...." and he said to me, "you can wear what you like....you are what turns me on." I'm feeling pretty sexy today I must say."
We haven't been together nearly 10 years, so I hope you don't mind a suggestion from a marriage newb
.
Try once a month date night. Kids go to a sitter (or sitter to your house) you and DH go out, something as simple as the local dollar theater for a silly movie.
Also, at the end of the day after the kids are asleep, try occasionally taking a shower together. It doesn't need to include sexy time, but is a great way to wind down at the end of a day together. DH and I take a shower together 2 or 3 times a week, its wonderful, we really enjoy the time together.
Since haven't had sex for months, try putting the kids to bed early tonight, then tell your hubby you're going to take a shower and ask if he'd like to join you. after you get out go to bed naked. You guys might be too exhausted to actually have sex, but it'd be a nice reminder of what's hidden under your clothes all day. I'd be surprised if any red blooded man turned you down.
GL
We were in the same place after we had our DD. While breastfeeding my drive was extremely low. I also found out my thyroid was way off. I don't have a sex drive while PG.
Between the two babies we had to really plan it out. Try doing the little things more. Kiss eat other in passing. Slap him on the butt. Anything that lets him know you still think of him as a lover and not just your friend.
I am giving this advice, but at this time I am 9 months PG and we haven't had sex since July. We have found that foreplay can go a long way, when you aren't up to having intercourse. Or for me I just don't feel comfortable in any possition right now.
We've been together for 10 years and we are in our late 30's. I hate to say it...but it happens!
Don't think of it as a bad thing, as all relationships go through spurts. It's like a roller coaster - sometimes your doing it all of the time - and sometimes you're wondering how long it's been.
I recommend a date night and also do some really fun things. Dress up in costumes and do a little bit of role playing. Doesn't have to be anything freaky, just something fun. Also, I always recommend adding bedroom accessories to your fun too.
I've met many women that I have recommended reading erotica stories. Women are more stimulated mentally - so a book by Penthouse or a website where you can read some erotic stories can really help rev things back up downstairs.
Hope this helps!
We've been together for 9 years which I know is not more then 10 but it's close. We just had to have a talk the other night because I felt the same way, it's nice to have you around and I really,really want you but for some reason I can't connect the dots. I told the Mr. basically that I want our passion for each other back. It's not that it's not there it's just we work opposite a lot and we miss each other and the time we do have together is spent doing chores, other house things or around other people. He actually came up with a lot of suggestions from the very little leaving notes for each other and doing more chores when we are apart so we have actual time when we are together to really exploring each others bodies again and taking note of each others real likes and wants in the bedroom.
We don't have children so we don't quite have the same strains as you but it is very easy to let the flame die down when you get caught up in real life. The best thing to do is talk it over when you have real time to do so. One night when the kids are in bed turn off the TV or any other distrations and really get into the nitty gritty. It could be very rewarding.
You need to erase the word "sex drive" out of your vocabulary permanently. Honestly it is inconsequential. Women rarely have the drive for sex. We are not wired that way. My engine only begins to rev once we are halfway through a session. But honey, we do have sex-EVERY NIGHT. Not because I am some wild nymp but because it is a priority we have. It is part of our routine. It is OUR TIME. It is the way we unwind and spend our evening together when the kids are asleep. We do not let anything interfere. The dishes can wait. The clothes can sit in the hamper.
Bottom line is don't overthink sex. It is for you. It is for him. It is for your marriage. Sex is a way of communicating with your spouse. It is a way of telling him how valuable he is and currently you are sending him the message that he is not worth much. I know it is hard to hear and yes to many my views do seem harsh and antiquated but all I have to say is it works. And you can't shake a stick at that (pun not intended ;-)
Make it a priority. Yes it is important to coordinate elaborate means to have romantic experiences together (that is definitely important) but it is also important to just take the time everyday to reconnect with one another.
? BFP Chart ?