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essay question :: sex
I know its " the weekend " so the board will be ultra dead but H is working late and I don't really have anyone to " talk " to.
So ....
does anyone have anxiety about have sex ? Recently our sex life has become almost non existent. I feel like I have a roommate and it hurts because H thinks I don't find him attractive ( which is not true at all )
I think about sex and I enjoy( ed ) it but I just can't bring myself to get into it anymore. I get kind of panicky and worried like he won't like that my legs aren't shaved, I haven't vajazzeled ( lol - it'll never happen ) or maybe I won't give a good b.j or whatever the case maybe.
I've just been really blah lately, I feel like I either need to be totally inebriated to even begin to seduce him but when I try it just doesn't pan out ( on my end ) I know you just have to " do it " but I just can't ! H told me he won't make the first moves anymore because I generally turn him down ( because I'm so nervous ) 
So, who should I see about this ? I'd see my PCP, but I work at the office so I don't want that floating in my file ... I am close with my GYN so maybe her ?
thanks, I guess its more of a vent than anything ... but I hope theres not a lot of looky loos.
Re: essay question :: sex
I'd talk to the gynecologist.
If it helps, I've gone through bouts of just not being in the mood AT ALL too, which has NEVER happened to me before. I think it was part having a different BCP and part being so stressed & not having a job.
I'm not so stressed that H won't like it like you are, but about other stuff, and I have to pretty much remind myself that I should just do it even if I don't want to... sometimes as it's happening I get into it too. And before, I used to be turned on at the drop of a hat, so it's really bothersome to me too.
One thing you should try and realize - your H will ALWAYS be happy about having sex with you, even with unshaved legs and unvajazzled self. They just want to get laid. It's not like guys really surpass the teen years on that front. If you can convince yourself of the truth of that, I think you can get over it a bit.
Have you talked to H about what the problem is too?
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Yeah and he just gets frustrated because he's like " whats the problem ? is there something wrong with you ? " and I just sit there with a blank look because I have no f*ing idea.
He has offered to go to counseling with me or do whatever it takes but we just aren't sure where to start.
This sounds like an excellent start. Go to your insurance company's website & find a marriage, couples, or even sex counselor near you. Can't hurt, right? Can only help. Or talk to your gyno for psych recommendations.
A counselor may very well want to see you privately too, to see what's up with your self esteem, especially since this sounds like a recent thing and not something that's plagued you all your life. But then working with you alone and the two of you together, you should definitely be able to figure this out.
It's bigger than something you can handle on your own. You don't know what's causing it and have no idea how to shake it. This is something that a pro can help with. Go for it.
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This sounds like an excellent start. Go to your insurance company's website & find a marriage, couples, or even sex counselor near you. Can't hurt, right? Can only help. Or talk to your gyno for psych recommendations.
A counselor may very well want to see you privately too, to see what's up with your self esteem, especially since this sounds like a recent thing and not something that's plagued you all your life. But then working with you alone and the two of you together, you should definitely be able to figure this out.
It's bigger than something you can handle on your own. You don't know what's causing it and have no idea how to shake it. This is something that a pro can help with. Go for it.
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One of my friends just went through this exact situation. She and her DH hadn't had sex in over 2 months, even with a cruise vacation thrown in. For her, it was a combination of outside stressors, anxiety, and self-esteem. She went to see her PCP who prescribed her Ativan. She said that since starting that her sex drive has gone up a lot. It sounds like more because she can relax and "just do it" rather than think about it and get worked up about it. They also talk to someone in their church, which I wouldn't exactly recommend - I prefer people with actual licenses. But that's my own opinion.
Like Larissa said, you just have to remember that he loves you for you. Good and bad, for better and worse. And yea, he wants to have sex with you
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I'm sorry you are going through this AK. It has to be frustrating for the both of you.
I would second the suggestion of a sex therapist. I haven't personally met with one, but my mom did (I know, why do I know these things about my mom!) and she said it helped a lot!
Maybe you could ask your GYN for a recommendation and talk to him/her at the same time to see if it could possibly be medically related.
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All of that is what I'm thinking. I would probably talk to my gyno and get a rec.
I think a the GYN would be a good place to start, she should be able to give you a good rec to a counselor.
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This!!
I actually have a question before I answer this. Where are you guys on the babies front? I ask because I'm kind of going through that right now where I have baby fever but am scared to death because I have certain goals I want to meet first (weight and school) and to me having sex "jeopardizes" that. Does that make sense? Basically I freak out I could get pregnant so, I'd rather avoid it.
I feel awful saying that!
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Yeah...I've been in your shoes before. I still get a little apprehensive when we have sex because of different fears [is he enjoying it? should i have shaved again?].
I agree with the others about talking to your gyno and getting a referral. I think it's great that your H is on board for whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable about sex. I hope you get it figured out. *hugs*
Well, since we are 99% sure we are moving in 1 year, we want to wait until we are in NC. We figure family will be a lot closer to help out if they want.
That being said, if it happens before then we are okay with it, we want a little more time to get finances set ... then again you have to have sex to get pregnant.
I am so
over this.
I'm sorry you're going through this rough patch. i think you are suffering from something we all as women suffer from now and again. i definitely think the problem is mental and seeing a counselor would help.
Also, maybe you can encourage him to encourage you more? tell him he needs to keep trying because if he doesn't try and you don't initiate, then nothings going to get done. see if you can sit down with him and tell him what you need from him (complimenting you more, seduction, dim lighting, keeping clothes on, being more vocal about how much he's enojying, etc). If you have a candid conversation you guys may be able to work through this on your own.
also, have some wine before you try to get busy!
I agree with this! We have definitely had dry patches ourselves. In fact, we're kind of going through one right now, but it's more pregnancy related. DH is having trouble getting into it because "she's right there" and I'm more self conscious about my body and big belly and that it will be awkward. It doesn't help that DH is away so much right now either. But, for as little sex as we're having these days, we've never felt closer to each other.
Before the pregnancy, we had dry patches too, but with all of them, one day we would start getting busy again and it was fantastic from then on out! I'm not sure why it happens, but I remember that the longer we would go without, the more self conscious I would feel about doing it. I'm not a good initiator either, so DH making me feel sexy helps a lot..... so does a little bit of wine
If you feel like you need a counselor, then I would definitely get a referral from your GYN. It sounds like your DH is very understanding
I think you mean Kate, Marcy ... Jackie hasn't even responded ! I'll blame that on pregnancy brain.
Yeah, but at least you are knocked up.