I guess she didn't want our actual thoughts after all

Joined on 01-14-2003

59,363 Points

It's been over a year and your still upset about this?  I really don't know what to tell you.  Everyone and I mean everyone I know did not have the perfect wedding and something always went wrong.  It's the chance you take when you have a wedding. 

Yes your DH's famimly should have given you guys a card, but it didn't happen.  This isn't a hill to die on.  As far as the alcohol was concerned, again this happens all the time.  Someone offers to pay for a portion of the wedding but something happens and they just can't do it.  This is the chance you take when you rely on someone else to subsidize your wedding. 

On your cousins's side.  Again that was rude of them to come over uninvited, but it happens and is done.  To not ever see them again at a family gathering is taking it a bit too far in my opinion. 

My only advice it to shrug it off and move on.  This is life, it happens.  I had one side of my family go to Disneyworld during my wedding, but I wasn't upset about it.  It was the best time for them to go and I also know that my wedding wasn't the center of the universe.  I also had friends who promised to help me with a little clean up and didn't show up.  Again, it happens.  What am I going to do?  I probably shouldn't have asked them to do that in the first place. 

I'll tell you a little something about my SIL.  She has no friends, no friends and hardly any family that likes to spend time with her.  Do you know why?  She throws a fit when people didn't do what she wants.  One of her best friends couldn't come to her baby shower and do you know what my SIL did?  She sent her a nasty letter telling her that she never wanted to see her again.  Another friend couldn't make her son's 1st birthday party so she too got a nasty letter.  Now, her only friend is my MIL because she has estranged herself from so many people.  Instead of acting like an adult and moving on, she instead chose to hold grudges  and " be honest with her feelings" towards those close to her.  She is now suffering the consequences.  Heck,  my DH can't stand her either.  Next time we go out to visit them, he doesn't want anyone to tell her.  This will be your future unless you move on.

Joined on 07-05-2009

Cancun, Mexico

4,432 Points

Your stepmom and cousin with kids were both a bit rude, yes, but I think enough time has gone by that you can forgive and forget, since everything turned out fine anyway.

With our wedding, we had a few family members end up paying more than they'd planned, while others had financial setbacks and ended up paying less. It's just the way it goes. Either way, your stepmother is under no obligation to pay for anything, so I think it was generous of her to help pay for part of the alcohol.

Your cousin was very rude, but I doubt she had any intention of harming you. Some people just don't get it... but it's definitely not worth skipping Thanksgiving over.

Comparing it to some wedding problems I've heard about, you actually got off pretty easy! It's been over a year... move on.

 

Joined on 06-15-2008

Chicago, IL (South Loop)

42,095 Points

Oooh. The responses are going to be fun.

First of all, you're telling the readers not be be a jerk because you know that everything you have posted here is worth of harsh responses. 

Next, your SMIL should not have offered to pay for something and then not done it. That said, despite what she makes, she's not obligated to pay for your anything. Nothing. It was very generous of all of the other sets of parents to pitch in, but it wasn't mandated. 

What would I have done about that? I would have changed our plans to host a nice BBQ style dinner that my H and I could afford w/o going into debt. But, I was already pretty sure you and I would do things differently. 

Your family brought children to your adult only reception. What would I have done about that? I would have had my host & hostess politely inform the parents that we appreciate their coming to our celebration, but unfortunately space is very limited, and the dinners have been paid for and as the children were not accounted for in the count prior to the wedding there simply wasn't table space or food for them. (Oh, and that part about how they only gave you $10? There's really no covering that up-you pretty much mean what you say, and you might as well own it.) 

Your entire post makes you sound like an immature spoiled brat who spent all her time focusing on her pretty princess day and not enough time focusing on her marriage. And, I wonder why a YEAR after your wedding you're still unable to focus on your new marriage, and the positive things from your wedding day. 

So, in answer to your last question, "What would I do now," I'll tell you that I would get the eff over myself, be appreciative of all the things that I have in the world and move on. Bringing it up now will only demonstrate your glaring lack of class.

Joined on 03-28-2009

New Jersey

16,081 Points

Lesson learned ... don't count on a promise of money from someone until the actual money is sitting in your hand. It happens to a lot of people, especially when a wedding's involved. They shouldn't have promised you something and then gone back on it, but people's financial situations change. Or they change their minds. Again, this is a life lesson that YOU need to learn ... don't depend on someone else for money unless you actually HAVE the money.

You're being really childish to boycott Thanksgiving because someone brought their kids didn't give you enough of a wedding gift. Yeah, it was rude of them to show up uninvited ... and it wasn't great for them to show up with just a small gift either, but ideally you shouldn't be inviting people to your wedding just to get gifts. You aren't the first or last bride to deal with uninvited guests and meager wedding gifts. Deal with it.

And the fact that you said not to bother replying to your post if people are just going to pick it apart, makes me believe that you know you're in the wrong for holding a grudge over this. Yeah, it's annoying of them to act that way, but it's really ridiculous to hold a grudge THIS long over it. Suck it up and let it go.

Joined on 01-03-2010

Florida

17,011 Points

Wow.  You sound like a spoiled brat that can't let go of her pretty princess day not being as perfect as a fairytale.

You do not get to tell people here how to respond.  It doesn't work that way, and trying to people to be nice or not post is just going to get you nastier responses.  Be happy you're posting on a Saturday, this would get ripped apart a lot faster during the week.

As far as the wedding goes, it's been a freaking year & 1/2, I don't care what happened, it's well past time that you get over it.  You are married to the man that you want, right?  Then the rest is petty details.

It's time for you to grow up and realize that no-one owes you a gift and it's your responsibility to pay for your own wedding.  Yes, it sucks that his step-mom said she'd pay and backed out, but as Stw said, that's a chance you take when you have others paying for your day.  Beyond that, where is his father in all this?  It sounds like you both hate her, so it's easier to blame her than his dad.

As far as your cousin goes, yes it was rude to bring children to an adults only reception, but again it was a year & 1/2 ago, move on.  Weddings are to celebrate your union, not to make money, holding against her the size of their gift just makes you look materialistic.

If you can't let this stuff go you're going to be very bitter and lonely.  It's ridiculous to estrange yourself from family over these things, but that's your choice.

Joined on 03-07-2009

8,907 Points

Let it go and move on.

Joined on 08-02-2009

ABQ New Mexico

72,056 Points

Not trying to be a jerk, but I would get over it by now, especially if nothing has happened since (which you havent mentioned anything that has). They didnt do exactly what you wanted, but that happens, you cannot control everyone around you.

 If the oldest child is old enough to have their own child, thats hardly someone I would consider a "child" so maybe her definition of child is different than yours...?

 Also, this is a public message board, we cant stop you from posting things that make you sound spoiled, you cant stop people from flaming you.

dannistang_1:

This next point makes me sound like a total ***, but that's not how it is- they gave us a card with $10

you do sound like a total bvtch. before you said that you wanted stepmom to just give you a card, not even with money, just with advice. They gave you both, so you can hardly complain.

 

Joined on 07-02-2003

Michigan

168,135 Points

First, you learned a very important lesson - never EVER spend money that is not in your hands.....ESPECIALLY money that belongs to someone else. You should have never counted on evil stepmom's money (btw, where is your husband's father in this? And why would you expect someone who likely knows that you don't like them to give you money?). Why did you and your husband plan a wedding that required four sets of adults to finance? Second - yes, your cousin was rude. But the appropriate timeframe to be pissed about it expired over a year ago. You sound like a very bored and unhappy woman to still be so upset over it that you're boycotting family events. Is your DH still fuming about all of this too? How old are the two of you?

Joined on 03-14-2007

171,684 Points

Now, if you are just going to pick apart this post, then don't reply back.  I want people's actual thoughts on how they would have handled these circumstances, and what they would do now. Or if anyone has experienced something similar.  If you're gonna be a jerk about this, please just move on and don't post- it's a waste of everyone's time. Thanks.

I'm going to lean to the MUD side for this one, but because I'm killing some time here...

The only jerk here little princess is you.

Oh, and i'm going to waster everyone's time, it will give me great pleasure.

You are supposedly and adult(obviously not quite there yet) and big people pay for things all by themselves. You expected others to pay for your pretty princess day? AWww poor little one.

I bet SM didn't help you because you think you are entitled. Seems to me she figured you out rather quickly and decided she wasn't going to play your game.

Did you stamp your feet and throw a tanturm?

Here is a lesson for you....don't spend money you dont have, don't expect others to donate to your frills, and certainly stop acting like an entitled brat.

Really and next time dont waste our time with your tantrums. I think there is a beebee bride page for that.

Joined on 12-14-2003

NC

30,197 Points

I haven't read what anyone replied, so here's what I would have done/do:

If the financing of the wedding had been agreed upon 10 month in advance and then stepmom refused to pay what she said she would- I would have done without what her money was suppose to go for- i.e. no alcohol at the reception. If anyone asked I would passive-aggresivly said well, the finacing for the alcohol fell through so we couldn't have it. (yeap, because if stepmom is such evil- I would!)

As for everything else, I would have day of- had someone from the country club bounce those wearing jeans- not right attire- not unusual for a CC to do. After the fact- just let it go and move on- don't dwell- nothing you can do now to fix it.

As for the uninvited guests, not much you could do except ask they leave. Now can't do anything about it.

So basically, move on.

As for the going into debt- that was your choice, you didn't have to do that.

Joined on 10-31-2005

CT

331,932 Points

You're a spoiled b1tch and an azzhole.  YWIA!

Joined on 04-20-2010

180 Points

I'll take this seriously. It's no longer the appropriate time to say anything to the people involved. The way you get over this is by learning the right lessons for next time. Then you won't have the same problems again, and you'll feel like some good came out of it.

Don't count on money from your husband's stepmother. Actually, don't count on her for much. I say this not because she didn't come through with the money, but because she didn't tell you she couldn't until you called. The right thing to do when you realize you can't meet a commitment you've made is to let the other person know as quickly as possible so they can make other arrangements. You now know she won't do that, so let any support she offers you in the future be icing rather than the... bottom layer of the cake. That metaphor got a little strained. And as previous posters said, don't commit to spending money you don't have in your hand.

Realize that you have a family that doesn't take instructions well. That's okay; you can plan for that if you admit it. A babysitter, some snacks, and a few videos would have taken care of the kids, kept the parents happy, and cost little more than their dinners did. Big events involve thinking about your guests' comfort. Sometimes you have to make an unpopular call - like no children at the reception - but that only works if you think your guests will listen to you. Instead of fighting them, make it easy to get along by providing comfortable solutions to their problems. That's what being a good hostess is about.

And, you know, deep breaths. Holding onto this is only hurting you. Focus on learning what you can, then let it go.

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