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The new parental enemy - Other Kids' Parents (really long)
First of all, I blame my DD completely for what I'm about to say, but I do believe that others have been co-conspirators and I'm about ready to throttle some folks.
Second of all, for those of you with small children, expecting children, or dreaming of children ... these are the things they never tell you about when the kids are cute, young and immobile.
DD was supposed to come visit us this weekend, but yesterday at the last minute, she said that she was going to spend the weekend with a friend of hers - remember, DD is 17. I was like, "OK that's fine. Have fun, sweetie!" She had said her dad was cool with it and I figured he'd at least met the other girl's parents. Apparently, he hadn't.
Tonight, he calls me and says, "Can you call DD and just ask her what she's doing right now?" I was like, "OK, why?" He proceeds to tell me that he thinks she's off with her BF, not a girl, and that he's pretty sure that's where she's staying for the weekend. So I call her, and she gives me the same story she'd given him 30 min before - she was with her friend and they were on their way to dinner in another town with her parents. Then she says her phone is dying and she has to go. I called him back and told him this.
He went to the friend's house where she was supposed to be, KNOWING she wasn't there, and the stepmother - who had picked DD up yesterday and he MET THEN - told him she didn't know where she was, and then said that she'd gone to a "friend's" house ... but wouldn't say what friend or when she left. He went there more to find out if the woman he met was actually the stepmother who picked her up yesterday. I cannot believe a parent would do this to another parent!
What DD didn't know was that he's put an app on her phone that allows him to track her by GPS wherever the phone goes (this is because she hasn't been honest in the past about her whereabouts). He also has a ghosting app on her phone that sends all her text msgs to him, so he had an idea of what was going on tonight. He wasn't sure with the BF lived, but the GPS brought him directly to the house, and he called DD and told her he was at her BF's house and she needed to get her isht and get her @ss out the door and get in the car without causing a scene. Sure enough, a few minutes later, she walked out and got in the car.
I haven't heard from him since then, but he was livid last I talked to him. The BF's parents were home, and ALLOWED her to come over there and stay. She told the ex a while back that "all" her friends have co-ed sleep-overs.
Re: The new parental enemy - Other Kids' Parents (really long)
Forgot to mention ... the BF is FOURTEEN. DD could be in serious legal trouble if she's having sex with him ... FOURTEEN. She's 17. And even though we've tried to explain why this is a bad idea, she is totally convinced we are wrong and that nothing will happen because "his parents like" her. WTF?!?!?
I just cannot believe parents would do this to other parents. WTF are people thinking these days?!?
This makes my skin crawl.
When I was in high school, a gf of mine's bf was a convicted sex offender because he got a 14 yr old girl pregnant when he was 18. He met this girl at a party on a Thursday night at 2 a.m. (her mom knew she was there). Her mom let him sleep over with the door closed. When she got pregnant, they pressed charges against him for statutory rape. The mom says "I had no idea they were having sex." Not that I'm excusing him for being stupid and getting a 14 yr old pregnant, but come the f*ck on.
As a convicted sex offender, he was not allowed to meet his child, go around my friend (she had about 5 months before she turned 18) and once she turned 18 he still could not go around her family as she had several younger brothers and sisters.
How is that not considered child neglect on the mother's part? Legal eagles? Can you explain for me?
I'm so insanely angry for you, the other parents assisting in the lying is just wrong
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So ... the ex called me this afternoon - he has WONDERFUL timing as we were just getting lunch when he called (last night it was dinner LOL). Turns out it wasn't the girl's stepmother, it was her older (like 21 yr old) sister. BUT ...
When DD got in the car last night, he said she reeked of pot. She swore she wasn't smoking, but at the very least the parents of the boy whose house she was staying at had to know SOMEONE was smoking it (she won't say who was smoking, but I suspect it was anyone in the house, including parents, who wanted it). She is basically grounded for life - no vehicle for the foreseeable future, no phone, no sleepovers at someone else's house, ever. Seriously .. she's a senior in HS, so I know it's going to suck for her, but BFD. She should have thought of that before she lost her mind. Ex is STILL livid. She has to do ALL the household chores normally split between her and her stepbrother for the next two months ...
He said, do you have a problem with all that? I was like, I think she's getting off easy. We're hoping that with no car and no phone, the BF (when she started seeing him is when all the lying and crap started) will book it out of her life. I mean, we're fairly certain he's just using her for the truck ... without that, he'll find some other sucker ... errr, girl to hoodwink.
Still, even though it turns out not to be a stepmother ... I am still livid at the sister for doing such a stupid thing. I told my ex he should stop by and have a little chat with the girls' father and let HIM know what they're doing behind his back ...
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Holy batman, Quilty! You and your ex have every right to be livid! I think you are right your ex should stop over at the friend's house to let her parents know what's up. I also think you should go to the police about the bf's parents and the pot situation - not sure what can be done but at least there's a complaint on record.
I have no words - I'm not a parent so I can only imagine the frustration, anger etc that go with this. Kudos to your ex for putting the gps thing on her phone. He might have just saved her from more trouble than she knows!
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Oh boy. Sounds like you guys had an AWESOME weekend, huh?
That sucks. Hardcore. I would be so pissed off right now - my mom would've killed me if I'd done something like that. I hope she learned her lesson and that the bf really does peace out. Ugh.
And I hope your ex talks to the dad, too. All that BS is ridiculous.
If it's true what they say about your kids being worse then you were, I don't want Brock to grow up and if this next baby is a girl... God help me. I "went to a friends house" almost every weekend. My BF Mom allowed us to sleep in the same bed and everyone would go over there because she let us drink too. My Mom finally found out and after everything calmed down we had a much more open relationship. I was honest and she was more lenient.
It's so unfortunate that we not only have to worry about other kids, but their parents (or older influences in this case) as well. I think talking to his parents is a very good idea, that way they know what is going on in their house (if for some reason they don't) and know that you are aware of it as well.