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I need somewhere to vent (long)
the past few months have been very difficult with my parents separation/divorce. things are happening so fast. and it's really hard to pretend that its not putting a strain on my relationship with them. i have to do a lot of pretending. i'm angry b/c infidelity was involved (and there was a definite history of it long-term). i hate this. all of it.
and even worse ... i told a friend this weekend that my parents were splitting up. and he confessed that he knew about the cheating, and never knew how to tell me. i'm not mad that he knew that, but i'm upset about how he found out. and its just a reminder that it goes back pretty far. and all this time (up until 2.5 months ago, i still thought that my parents were happily married). it's all happening way too fast for me. a big BIG shock when it came out.
i've always had a good relationship with both of my parents. but its really hard knowing the kind of deception that was going on. hard not to be angry. and i want to call and scream and cry to them. make them feel even worse, and more guilt. but its not going to help anything in the end. so why bother.
that's why i need to vent to someone. thanks 
Bah Hum Bug! I'm not excited for the holidays to say the very least.
Re: I need somewhere to vent (long)
i don't know why i feel like i can't name names, probably b/c i'm trying to be discreet in real life when i talk about it. but since you're internet friends and all ... i'm really angry at my mom. and shocked that she did this for so long. if i ever find out that she has a relationship with someone from the past (while she was married and lying to my dad) i will never forgive her or be able to accept that relationship. i want to remind her of this every day. but i can't bring myself to it. and my heart breaks for my dad every single day, although he is doing remarkably well.
and i'm really embarassed that friends of mine in Charlotte somehow knew about this. friends that don't really even know my family very well. i'm sort of glad that they didn't try to tell me before. b/c i would have never been able to believe it, had it not come directly from her.
at this moment i'm really hating her ... well that's what i want to feel. i know i'll never really 'hate' her. but i hate what she did. and i'll never look at her the same.
I'm so sorry for what you've been going through, I can imagine how difficult it must be to deal with the holidays when everything has been tossed upside down. While it might be hard, I think it would do you a lot of good to air at least some of your feelings to your parents. I'm sure much of your feelings won't come as a surprise to them, but I think it's fair for them to hear how shattered your trust is. You deserve to be heard, and I'm sure your parents would prefer to rebuild their relationship with you with an honest start, however hard that might be for them to hear. (((hugs)))
Katie, I think if I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way. And I'm so sorry the situation is such that it makes you feel that way--it's really pretty crappy!
How is your sister taking this? Can you share your feelings with her? You are showing amazing restraint for NOT already yelling and screaming and making everyone feel guilty. But I'm not one known for hiding my feelings--especially of disappointment. Can you write letters to your parents? This way you can get your feelings off your chest in a coherent way--you'll be able to edit and carefully construct the message, perhaps ask them for some time to heal. What kind of "healer" are you? Do you think you'll be able to ever "forgive and forget?" Maybe just "forgive?"
Frankly, if you aren't ready to celebrate the season--especially with your family, then maybe this is a good year to spend some time with your DH's family, maybe some extended family that you always enjoyed but never spent enough time with, or change up tradition and maybe celebrate with friends. I think many/most of us would feel as crummy as you do right now.
Katie-
Sorry you are having to go through this and it doesn't matter how old you are when your parents get divorced or separated, it still sucks. I think that we hold our parents to higher standards and when they let us down, it's hard to deal with that anger.
This. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I wouldn't be looking forward to the holidays either. I'll be thinking of you and feel free to vent any time. It's probably good to be discreet, but you've got to get it out somewhere. Hugs.
thanks everyone. i know that i'm doing really well with restraint. but i do need to communicate to them, it's part of the healing process.
my sister is doing ok i think. we don't talk as often as we should. sometimes i feel like if i'm venting to her, it'll make her more sad. it's always there, you don't forget it. i'll never forget. i might be able to forgive in time.
so i told DH's best friend. i was with him at a winery this weekend and got tipsy and told him. apparently my mom confided in a friend's mom (i'm also friends with), so there are 3 charlotte friends that know. and this was a weekend she was down visiting for my bridal shower. 4 years ago. i don't know why she talked to her, but i do remember it being a night of way too many cocktails.
Holy cow. It's been going on that long? I'm so sorry
It's never fun to go through this. My parents divorced when I was young (8 or 9 yrs old), so I didn't get into the details much. But my older sister get a little bit more into it, and we thought my parents got divorced b/c my mom cheated, and my sister and mom had a HORRIBLE relationship all through my sister's high school years. It wasn't until I was about 20 that I found out that it was my FATHER who cheated. And he cheated with my mother's BEST FRIEND since 2nd grade (and it also went on for a long time too). My mom took the storm and wouldn't let my sister and I think poorly of our dad until her and my sister finally sat down and had a heart to heart 10+ yrs after the fact. I also found out at my cousin's wedding a few years ago through talking with the maid of honor who was the woman's niece, that the woman's family suspected that she was involved with my dad when my parents were married.
It's never easy, especially when you think the opposite of what's really happening. My mom still really loves my dad, and still holds a candle for him. It's really hard to watch. I found out about 7 yrs ago about my dad, and I still am kind of mad at him. Your anger will subside, but I doubt it will ever fully go away. If you ever need to vent, you can always PM me! I've been through this, and I'm always willing to lend an ear.
imagine my surprise, that friends of mine knew. god, i don't even know how to feel about that. i'm mad, but its not my friends' fault. imagine how it'd feel hearing it from them. i can't really blame them for not saying it sooner. but it still sucks.
ugh .... i'm really not used to this whole Jerry Springer - ish drama. and i'm so pissed. not only is it lying to your spouse. it's lying to your kids. you break everyone's trust around you. i mean ... what does that leave you with? not a whole damn lot.
Katie-
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this. My parents divorced with I was in grade school and it was a nasty ass escapade. Then my dad remarried and during my senior year decided he wanted to do some shitty stuff. My dad and step mom are still remarried, but *** hit the fan fast and hard and it's never fun to deal with, especially since most of us look up to our parents.
From sounds of it, you're handling things rather well for the situation at hand and I applaud you for that because I don't think I'd be strong enough.
I agree with PP that maybe this holiday season you should look into spending time with DH and his family just to get a breather from the drama happening right now.
If you're in the Raleigh area and want to get a drink and vent let me know! Having been in similar situations, I know it's vital to have an open ear to just talk with (which is why the Nest is pretty awesome. . so many great ladies!)
Thoughts and prayers to you and your family!
My family is very Jerry Springer. So I know how you feel.
My first Christmas with DH was spent with crying nieces and nephews and the ER because my brother broke my brother in laws jaw on Christmas eve in front of all the kids. My family is klassy. I'll listen anytime you want to vent Dear
Katie - I have no other advice other than what the girls have already given you. I want to say I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It has to be hard to be an adult and know that wrong was going on while you thought it was great. Its even worse that your friends knew about it down here. Only thing I would add is to vent to your mother. Let your feelings out - let her know you still love her but you are angry and upset for what she has done. I think you would feel better and your Mom might too.
We are all here for you to vent N-E- time you need.
I totally agree with terp on this one. I'll be thinking about you. Hugs!!