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Was this mean?
My cousin lives in Salisbury--he doesn't drive and he lives with his sister and her husband. He asked me what we're doing for Thanksgiving and I told him. I also invited him up to join us--but told him that he'd have to take the train. It's $10 each way on Amtrak and less than an hour's train ride.
In the past we've driven both ways to pick him up--he doesn't offer to pay for gas and it takes us well over an hour (from door to door about an hour and twenty minutes) each way. Plus, he falls asleep in the car, so it's not even like he's good company!! Since he works in retail, in the past we've often made these trips in one day. With all the stress on me on having company stay with us, I just don't want to have to do that.
Was it mean for me to invite him--and include the caveat right away? I haven't heard back from him yet, so I don't really know what his reaction is. I don't think I should have to "justify" my reason any and give him an excuse--but maybe I should have? (Ie said something to the affect that my car is getting old and so we're trying to minimize our long rides?)
WDYT?
Re: Was this mean?
I don't think it is mean at all! You invited him but set the expectations regarding travel very clear up front. I don't think this is mean, it is just giving him all of the pertinent details in order for him to make an informed decision.
I'm not sure why my explanation sounds so official- must have written too many emails today and can't turn off professional mode.
OK--I'm glad to hear that I'm in the clear.
Sometimes I can be curt--so I wasn't sure if that was the case.
Terp and Kata--to answer your questions, he just never learned to drive. No disability per se, but there's a decent amount of laziness in his younger years in combination with the fact he grew up in an area where he could use public transport or ride a bike easily enough to/from a job. He has an OK relationship with his sister, but her husband and my cousin are like oil and vinegar--they pretty much hate each other. The brother in law has family in CA and some holidays they go out there to celebrate.
Thanks guys!
I also do not see anything wrong with telling him he is invited but has to provide his own transportation. I might be more inclined to go get him if there was a reason he could not drive, such as a disability. However the fact that he just never bother to learn would not be a good enough reason for me.
If everyone stops picking him up maybe it will be motivation to get his license.