Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Am I just expecting to much?
I naturally have a stronger sex drive than my husband unfortunately. I sometimes feel like something is wrong with me because I want to so much more than he does. Sometimes it seems that I am annoying him when I try and initiate sex. Lately he just laughs and brushes me off and says that I'm cute. I don't know how to take that. I've tried coming into the room naked, wearing a sexy outfit when he comes home, slowly try to stimulate him and just flat out jumping on him. It seems that if he's not in the mood already then any act of insinuation from me is just silly. The times he is in the mood, once he's done we are done. It doesn't matter if I am satisfied or not. Then I feel bad because I'm in a cruddy mood and he is just as jolly as can be. There are times where I will try to get him going again but he just seems to get annoyed. Do I need to just admit that I am just expecting too much of him?
Re: Am I just expecting to much?
How often do you want it? How often does he?
The thing that troubles me the most about your post is that he's not interested in fulfilling your needs when you do have sex. The thing that troubles me a bit is that you never said if you've actually discussed this with him.
Lack of interest in your needs, lack of compromise, lack of communication. Not a good way to start things off.
So, have you talked to him about your drive versus his drive, and have you talked to him about your lack of satisfaction with your sexual encounters?
For the record, no, I don't think you're expecting to much of him necessarily - but there could be so many factors influencing things here to really say for sure.
Geez! This!
As non-pc is this may sound, i hope he's on some sort of medicaton or something, otherwise your H is just plain selfish.
Does stress or a job change make someone douchy and selfish in bed?
She shouldn't have to explain to him how she feels about not being satisfied when they have sex. Do you have to explain to someone that getting punched in the face hurts?
He already knows this is not fair, but he keeps get away with it. Stop putting up with it, and it will stop happening.
I know what you're feeling! I went through a time period like this where DH and I didn't have sex for quite a while. We weren't having any relationship problems, we just weren't having sex.
Like you did, I tried doing several things to get him in the mood, and he would react in a loving way, but he didn't seem motivated to have sex. Being a huge worrier, I thought of all kinds of things. It really made me feel unattractive and not confident at all.
We talked about it after a spat we had, and we really looked at what was going on in our lives to cause it, and it truly was too much stress and getting home late at night from work. We both work nights, but on different days, and have classes in the morning. While it's easy to say we should just do it inbetween everything else, it's not our favorite time of day!
Basically, there is probably nothing serious to worry about. If you have a hard time talking calmly about big issues like I used to, you'll probably have to work hard to talk to him in a way that won't upset him. Touchy issue!
Things have gotten much better for us!
And don't worry because it will for you too!
Thank you so very much for the encouragement! I know we both are under a bunch of stress with work and school, I didn't even think that that could have an affect on our sex life.
And you are absolutely right, I do have a hard time telling him something like that. And I do worry about all kinds of other "causes" and it is not helping at all!
We both work and go to school all day almost everyday and the only time we both are home is at night. By then he just wants to watch a movie and go to bed most nights. How did you guys come to a solution?
Thanks again for the help, I really appreciate it!
Well, it seems like my husband is more rational than I am
So, it took a little more work on my part. I seem to forget that we're married and have all the time in the world to do the bump nasty lol. I'm not a patient person!
We just reminded each other what the real reason for why we weren't having sex and pretty much rested up for a day we picked. And it was really shocking how much we didn't talk about sex. Seriously, you will feel so much better after you talk about it! I feel way better. It's like I thought about it constantly and always thought "wow, it would be great if we did tonight, but we probably won't." Lots of unnecessary negative thinking! I'm back to my normal level of cuddliness. I really don't like cuddling when I'm really in the mood and he's not! So frustrating!
what a selfish little brat your husband is, why would you marry a man that doesn't satisy your needs? yikes.
no, you aren't asking for too much, and your man brushing you off and laughing at you only takes a stab at your self-esteem, lowering your sexual confidence. next time you're in bed slow things down and demand to have your needs met.