Ugh. Foot-in-mouth, big time.

LauraT25 · November 2010

There's a kid in my graduate program who just started and is a bit over-enthusiastic. He comes across a little...well, crazy in his e-mails and apparently has been harassing some professors (unintentionally). Long story short(er), my boss asked me to talk to him about a project he might be working on (which used to be mine) and asked me to somehow nicely tell him to tone it down.

I sent him an e-mail asking to meet, and we agreed on 3 pm today. At lunch, I brought it up with some co-workers, basically because I was unsure what to say. As I was walking back to my lab with one girl, we were still chatting. I was wondering how to bring it up without making it obvious that the professors have been complaining about him, and without scaring him into never wanting to send an e-mail again. I feel like he's a nice kid, just a little misguided, and he doesn't realize how he's coming off.

As I was saying, "It's not the fact that he's sending the e-mails, it's the content.." someone walked past me. We both froze, and I realized it was probably the kid in question, 2 hours early. So I followed him in and yes, it was him. I acted like he hadn't heard me, but it became apparent later in the conversation that he had. I feel terrible. Really, really, bad. I wasn't bad-mouthing him, I was just trying to get some advice, but I'm sure that's not what he thinks.

I feel like it will make it worse if I try to say something (at the time I said, "Sorry about that, I was trying to figure out the best way to bring up the subject with you") but I don't want him thinking that everyone is talking about him behind his back.

shauni27 · November 2010

laura, it sounds like you handled it well by saying what you did to him. if he brings it up, i would explain in more detail. otherwise, i would let it be. or follow up with him in a week to make sure everything is good and see if he needs any help with anything. make him feel welcome, you know?

sunshine_day_dreams · November 2010

I agree with Shauni. If you go overboard trying to re-explain yourself, it's just going to make you seem more guilty. I would let it be unless it comes up again, and then you can elaborate further.

sunshine_day_dreams · November 2010

If you want to feel better, I did something similar last week. We often use our cafeteria as a meeting room. Last week my supervisor and I were holding a meeting in the cafeteria, and one of the guys in the meeting is known for being knit-picky and stubborn. In this meeting he was particularly obnoxious about it. Once he got up and left we were both talking about how obnoxious and stubborn he had been. We walked out of the area where the tables are and into the food area, and there he stood, making a cup of coffee. We're pretty sure he'd heard everything we'd said and just kinda put our heads down and hauled @ss outta there. Awk-ward.

LauraT25 · November 2010

sunshine_day_dreams:
If you want to feel better, I did something similar last week. We often use our cafeteria as a meeting room. Last week my supervisor and I were holding a meeting in the cafeteria, and one of the guys in the meeting is known for being knit-picky and stubborn. In this meeting he was particularly obnoxious about it. Once he got up and left we were both talking about how obnoxious and stubborn he had been. We walked out of the area where the tables are and into the food area, and there he stood, making a cup of coffee. We're pretty sure he'd heard everything we'd said and just kinda put our heads down and hauled @ss outta there. Awk-ward.

I'm sorry it happened, but it does make me feel a little better.

I'm going to leave it alone. As you guys said, if he brings it up I will explain it. I wish my boss hadn't put me in the situation to begin with.

diablesse · November 2010

ooO...I missed this. What finally happened.

Ugh. Foot-in-mouth, big time.

Re: Ugh. Foot-in-mouth, big time.

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