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question about ex's, children and facebook...
My ten year old son has a facebook account, and it is with the understanding that I have the username and password and that I can log on at any time to see what he has been up to.
My ex (his father) and I have been going through a pretty tough battle with the courts. Yesterday we were there, and the courts did take away a lot of his visitation time until he can prove sobriety and that he is pulling his life together.
I logged on to my son's facebook page today, just to check in, and found that his father is on his friend list and spent the entire day posting horrid things about me, that my son will be able to see. (because it's all my fault he fell off the wagon, right? ) My question is would you delete him from his list and clear out all of that garbage? (I know I can delete him, but can I even get rid of those posts on DS's wall? I am not too Facebook friendly) I really don't want to add fuel to the fire, and DS will be so bothered by it all. But I also don't think he should see it.
I know there are two sides to every story, however this time around, I honestly didn't do anything wrong. He was a recovering addict that fell off the wagon. That is not my fault, and he is pointing the finger at me through out all of these posts. What would you do? Delete him and cause more trouble with him and have to explain to your son why he is no longer allowed to be on his list or let it go and try to explain to your son why his father has turned so hateful. Lesser of two evils here.....
Re: question about ex's, children and facebook...
At the very least, print off the pages so that you have evidence of what he's doing.
When he was sober, we got along fine for the sake of the kids. (and life was so peaceful! There was never a "now what did he do?" ) Now that he is using again....yesterday the court had to put us in seperate rooms because he came at me twice. No, unfortunately I don't see having a real conversation with him.
And thanks for the advice to print things off. I was so appalled by what he had written I didn't even think about that!
I would definitely print the pages as PP mentioned.
I don't know how my mom went about doing this, but she ended up getting my dad to sign an agreement that basically he wouldn't talk smack about her in front of my sister (I was an adult when my parents divorced, my sister was in middle school). I know her lawyer was involved in the process, and I'm not even sure how they were able to get my dad to sign it - but he did and the BS stopped.
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You can delete comments off a FB wall if you have the username & password. You should be able to put the cursor to the far right of the post and an x will show up, or maybe a drop down box with the option to delete.
However I am also all for the suggestions of printing off the smut he wrote and showing it to your attorney.
Ditto this, and the printing of his pages.
You can also either block his dad, or limit what his dad sees to on your son's pages to photos only.
There is no reason you need to keep his dad as a friend!
This is true! Maybe the best way to do it. All you have to do is log on to his facebook and when you see your ex's posts hover your mouse around the top right hand corner of the post and a little "X" should appear. You then click it and it gives you the option "Hide all posts"
Hope that helps!
Thank you so much! I really didn't know the ins and outs of Facebook!
I knew you ladies would have a good answer!!
Technically, a 10-year-old isn't allowed to be on Facebook anyway. It is for ages 13 and up.
This
Yes, you should delete the posts and the account or at least set the security levels to block messages (for all "friends" and new ones, too). This is the EXACT reason why you have the username and password to monitor the account. A using addict should not have access to your son to spew hate. It is your right and duty to protect him.
In addition, this gives you a teachable moment to review what Facebook is and is not for. It is for social networking. It is not for cyber bullying, and that's what your DH did. He bullied YOU through your son. You're being bullied and you shouldn't take it. This is a great moment to talk and teach about how to handle the freedom to use a social network site, the porblems he will face and solutions. Some talk about his dad is also needed.
Good luck. I am glad you found the courts a resources.
I'd majorly clean up your son's friend's list too-- maybe decide that "okay, only kids in your class and your cousins are on your facebook list," to save him from having to explain to his dad why only he is deleted. I'd even go so far as to remove yourself (if you have facebook). Tell your son that he should feel free to give out his e-mail to his dad (and grandma, etc.) as long as you have the password. I really feel like he shouldn't be put in the middle of "why mom made me 'unfriend' dad," and by providing an alternate way to communicate, you can prove that you aren't trying to cut dad out of your son's life.
Good luck in your tough situation!
This was my first thought exactly. I don't really even see a need for anyone under high school age to NEED a FB page.
That being said, I agree. Print everything out, then delete all the posts your son can see.
ETA: I meant to quote THIS:
Internet is being wierd and not letting me fix it!