Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
birthday reminders
Does anybody else's mom call and remind them that it's so-and-so's birthday with the expectation that you should hop to it and wish so-and-so happy birthday?
This drives me up the wall. I'm 28 years old...I don't need to be reminded that it's grandma's birthday because a) I'm an adult and b) it's my responsibility to remember it and my choice to do something with that information. It also really annoys me when she does this because I've repeatedly asked her NOT TO. My brother, for the record, forgot my birthday this year and she didn't remind him because "he's an adult". So...what am I?
Re: birthday reminders
I should have included that I know all the important birthdays so her reminding me is just that much more annoying because I'm already on the ball. She treats me like an irresponsible twit when I'm actually very responsible and always have been. It makes no sense!
I used grandma as a hypothetical but yeah, I get reminders for every birthday under the sun...and they're not friendly.
I hear ya! My MIL does this All. The. Time.
I'm a planner, I'm on top of this stuff and we've never forgotten anything. my MIL will call DH to remind him about an event. If she can't get a hold of him, she calls or emails me. I'm perfectly capable of handling my own schedule and obligations and do NOT react well to being smothered by ANY parent, let alone one that isn't mine to start with. I talked to DH about it and the next time it comes up, it will be getting addressed with a "did we give you the impression that we had forgotten about event X,Y, and Z?" (Thanks Karen for that one! Its perfect!) If that doesn't stop it, then it'll get kicked up a notch the next time.
However, my MIL is coming from habit where she had to remind my Darling Hubby to call, attend, and otherwise pay attention to special events. This habit is 30 years old and not easy to change. Yes, it is annoying. Yes, you're capable of doing it yourself. You can't change your Mom but you can change how you react to it. Try to find the humor in it. I have to imagine that at some point, she'll realize that she's doing something that you're totally capable of taking care of on your own and she'll stop. Eventually.
My MIL used to send DH and I texts when it was my SIL's bfs bday (SIL has a new bf every 6 months). We were like, uh ok we have met the guy twice! And btw the ILs never call me on my bday. MIL texts my DH when it's a bday of someone who we barely even speak to or who would not call on our bday. It drives my insane. DH ignores it, but you should say something to your mom.
You're right. I just have to learn to react better because I can only change myself. I hope your MIL comes around as well!
duplicate
That's a bit excessive...reminding you of your SIL's bf's birthday, I mean. Weird!
I have said stuff to my mom, in fact, I just spoke to her again and tried to re-emphasize the point. She's a blame-evader. She walks around the issue and blames it on being stressed about something else and then the topic gets changed. Eh. I'm over it...until the next birthday!
YES! This is what makes it annoying - the DEMAND. Not cool!
*shrugs* Weeeeird.
My mother does this. Of course, it's a control thing for her. She needs to think of herself as the "hub" of all of the information in the family. Of course, that's not true.....we have all established relationships with each other that don't come from her, but she doesn't want to admit that.
You can't change your mom. The best you can do is say "I already took care of it."
Or, you can call a few days ahead of time and say "don't forget....Uncle Jim's birthday is next week!" LOL!!
I like this idea!!!
I also think it's a control thing with my mom but yeah, it's just annoying and I know that I have to deal with it!
My mom will usually mention "oh, did you remember to wish Uncle So-and-So happy birthday?" It doesn't bother me in the slightest. Sure I'm an adult. But even adults can use friendly reminders (especially since the truth is that I probably did forget the birthday! Stuff like that tends to slip through the cracks with me, and Mom knows it).
Now I might take it differently if she were obnoxious about her reminders or I thought she was trying to run my life in some way. But since neither of those is the case I'm fine with it.