Family Matters
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For Those in the Apparent Minority

I just wanted to praise and give thanks for the fantastic MIL (and mostly great ILs) that I have.  Yes, we have had our issues here and there, but they've been minor and peacefully worked out. From almost day one, I've been part of the family, and I've felt like they've been family for me - not as close as my blood, but as close as you can get otherwise.

I know I can't be alone in this, so please share if you've got a healthy, if not altogether pleasant, relationship with your MIL.  I see so many posts about how horrible they are (and most of the time the posts are justified), and I hate the idea of new nesties (or almost-nesties) going into new relationships expecting bad things.  I'm a firm believer that a lot of times that expectation turns into a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I, on the other hand, am actually looking forward to having MIL teach me how to cook a turkey this year.  My own mom doesn't cook while MIL is splendid in the kitchen, so there aren't any toes stepped on, and I'm sure the turkey will be delicious.

 I guess this is the opposite of a vent.  A rave, perhaps? Smile

Re: For Those in the Apparent Minority

  • I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your inlaws! That does seem to be the minority. My  husband and I had a rocky relationship with his Dad and stepmom for a little while, but overall, we get along really well. My husband's step mom and I can talk for hours about anything and everything, we're pretty close.

    The actual MIL is a different story, sadly enough. I've always thought that I would have a good relationship with my future husband's family because I have an awesome family and I never knew otherwise. I thought all families were as awesome as mine! Haha.

     

     

  • I'm with you! I love my MIL and my Wife loves my Mom. Yes we get on each others nerves every once in a while, but for the most part both Her and my FIL are fantastic! One of the things that I like about my IL's is that their family is alot different than mine. Growing up my parents were divorced and my Mom was a single mother for my brother and I. It felt like we grew up fast and our Mom was a great friend but not always around to be super motherly. My MIL is like June Cleaver sometimes. She seems like the perfect motherly figure. I love visiting them because I don't have to do anything. She makes pancakes for breakfast, does laundry, makes dinner, all while me and my FIL hang out in the garage or watch the game. It just seems very surreel to me and is a nice break every once in a while. My wife loves to talk with my mom. She says it is because my Mom treats her as an adult, as an equal, whereas her mom still treats her like a kid. They have long talks on the phone about everything from careers to relationships. Anyway I just wanted to say that I agree with you, not all in-laws are evil. So all you brides and grooms to be, try to start out on the right foot with your inlaws, they may become good friends and great family!

    Good Luck!

  • I have fabulous ILs though they didn't start that way.  They are originally from India and fought tooth and nail for my DH to break up with me - being a white American (they had awful thoughts in their heads about American women).  Once they finally agreed to meet me (a few months before the wedding), they realized that I wasn't like a sitcom, and from that point forward we've gotten on like gangbusters.  My MIL cooks us a meal once a week & it's amazing.  She treats me like her own daughter - buying me treats at Hindu holidays, getting me henna for said holidays, etc.  His dad tells me all the time how happy he is that his son married such a lovely person.  I could have been bitter about the hell that they gave us earlier, but decided to be the bigger person, and it worked out. 

    p.s.  We live 1/2 mile from them, see them 2x a week (or not if we have other things to do) and lived with them for six months while our house was being renovated (top to bottom)...it's a relationship that works.

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  • I never even got to meet mine.  :(  MIL and FIL both passed away 17 years before H and I even met.  However I do have 7 BILs and 6 SILs and we get along great!  Having only one sister myself (and a BIL with her as well) it was kind of cool to marry into a huge immediate family.  H has 7 siblings, 6 sibling in laws and 18 nieces & nephews.  Of course I may not agree with everyone's antics, ideas or decisions at times but I think that's pretty common among families.  :)  And I never voice disapproval of those antics, ideas or decisions on the parts of my ILs; I leave that up to my H and he does the same with me and my family.
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  • I have small issues with my inlaws, but in general they are great.  They know I make their son happy, and that is what matters to them.
  • EH, you're on a board called "family matters" and people come here to complain. I think many people have good relationships w/ their IL's.  You're just not in the right place to see people talk about it! :)
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • My ILs are actually in town now and it's been great seeing them! (They live in a different state than us and we haven't seen MIL since the wedding. FIL came on business last year.) My MIL told me last night how happy she is that I'm a part of their family and I responded in kind. Smile

    The first time I met my ILs (when I'd being dating H for about 9 months), they were disappointed we weren't engaged yet.

  • We visit my in-laws every weekend. They are some of the most kind and generous people I know :)

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  • My in-laws were friends before I met their son, which is an odd position I suppose. They are great and loads of fun. My MIL (step mom) is only three years older than me and I have been forbidden to call her Mum. On the other hand, my DH has almost no relationship with his biological mother (none of his siblings do either) so if we ever do have a relationship with ther I am prepared for whatever we get. 
  • My in-laws are awesome. As just one example, the day we found out we were having a miscarriage, we called everyone, then went grocery shopping (because we had to). While we were gone, MIL came into our house (they have a key because they watch our dogs when we're both at work), left us a basket of fresh flowers, a take-and-bake pizza, did the dishes in the sink, and fed the dogs. It's the nicest thing ANYONE did for us.
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  • imagegibsonlw:

    I, on the other hand, am actually looking forward to having MIL teach me how to cook a turkey this year.  My own mom doesn't cook while MIL is splendid in the kitchen, so there aren't any toes stepped on, and I'm sure the turkey will be delicious.

     I guess this is the opposite of a vent.  A rave, perhaps? Smile

    I remember posting something similar to this about 3 years ago. I got flamed. Apparently these kind of posts were some sort of taboo. 

    I'm glad you have a healthy relationship with your MIL too. My MIL also happens to be an excellent cook. When DH and I were just going out, in college, though I went to a different one than DH, she used to send me packages of her homemade foods that she knew I liked when they would have me over for dinner. DH and I have only been together less than a year then. She won me over. Everyone in their family, including her sisters and brothers are also so very incredibly welcoming and nice. I feel truly blessed to be considered part of their family.

  • DH and I were just saying how blessed we are to have such amazing families.  My IL's are incredible in just about every way.  His mom is laid back, super sweet, willing to do anything to help, funny and we have a lot of the same tastes.  And his father is wonderfully inspiring and very kind.  So happy to have them in my life.  Yeah for wonderful IL's!!
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  • I really like my inlaws, especially my MIL. We are close. We talk on the phone/text/email, etc. My ILs live 5 hours away and we try to get up to visit them every few months. We spend a week with them at Christmas and a week in the summer, with sporadic visits in between. They also come to visit us occasionally. They welcomed me with open arms the first time we met and I've felt like a member of the family since the first time I met them and the rest of the extended family. I even call my mother in law "Mama Kim" and my DH's grandparents "grandma" and "grandpa". One set of DH's grandparents will actually be coming down to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family (my mother invited them because they get along so well.) I have to say, I lucked out in the IL department. My ILs are not intrusive, though they offer advice when asked. They know and respect their boundaries and I love that about them. I have 2 younger BILs, too, who I really enjoy hanging out with. I think DH would say the same thing about my parents and sister - he LOVES hanging out with them and will admit this to anyone who asks. (I think he likes hanging out with them more than I do, ha.) 

    ?"All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share."
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  • I love my in laws and my husband loves mine. Honestly, he would take care of my mother himself if I were ever unable to do so. But Ive yet to met anyone who doesnt lvoe and respect my mom. im just lucky all around. THis could be an in law post to be thankful for on Thanksgiving....
  • I'm with you too--about 90% of the time my MIL is the most amazing person in the world.  I've learned to just take a backseat to her when DH is sick or is having a medical issue.  Although I'm still the first person DH goes to MIL likes to make life difficult if she doesn't have the most up to date information.  Other than that we have a great relationship.

    I actually met up with my ILs a few weeks ago when I was in the area for lunch WITHOUT DH.  The waitresses were so surprised that I would meet them without DH being present.  I was surprised.

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  • Happy for you.... and you are lucky. Smile
  • I think, as EB posted, many people on this board have great relationships with their inlaws and/or own family, just as good as yours,  but they come to this board when they need to vent or get advice on a particular subject.  It's refreshing to see when people have good things to post, but it's just more realistic to expect people to come on when they are upset.   Who has time to sit on a board all day saying, "I just love my life"  "I have the greatest in laws", etc. many of us have jobs and come here for advice, so while it may come off as complaints, it's really just a search for advice or a time to respond to those complaints, saying Hey I love my inlaws and they do the same thing but I brush it off...
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