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MIL has her game face on apparently for the Holidays
AGHHHH!!
MIL just found out that my mother will be coming out to see us in NYC for Thanksgiving. She was on the phone with DH and he said my mother was coming in tomorrow. She says "What!?" Then hangs up on him.
We invited her and FIL to thanksgiving, but they said she would not be able to get off of work enough time to make the trip. Then she said like a week ago on the phone they might, but we would have to board our 2 cats. I said no F-ing way was I going to board the cats and they were not staying the night at our apartment. H translated in not so mean, but direct, words. It was left alone until tonight.
Now H is walking around all upset.... because his mother is being jealous of the fact my mom is staying with us and spending thanksgiving here.
Annoyed.
Re: MIL has her game face on apparently for the Holidays
Your husband is not mad at you is he? Seriously he needs to stop talking to herabout your mom. She will always find a reason to be mad about something. She has crazy jealousy issues.
Did you ever decide what you are getting her crazy butt for christmas ?
Why is it ok for your mom to stay at your apartment but not ILs.
Maybe your H feels the same way but doesn't want to fight about it.
Both sets of parents should be treated the same way.
He is not upset at me.
He just gets upset because she continues to act like a child and he doesn't like it when people hang up on him because it leaves the issue unresolved.
As far as the "the christmas" issue goes. H sent her an email saying that we are planning on a small christmas this year and that we have already done most of our christmas shopping.
He is less upset now. I just wish he wouldn't let her get to him like that. She is just really jealous of my mom spending time with us.
FIL actually called back and said that MIL was just upset because she misses H and wishes they could be there. I'm like, yeah, I wish I could use the fact that I miss someone to act like a 5 year old and throw a fit. H just said well, when she gets a hold of herself and stops acting irrational then tell her to call me. In my head, I'm saying: That will never happen.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
We live in NYC. SPACE is a huge issue for us. Our apartment is small. And she makes it impossible for us to relax. My home is my sanctuary and I will not walk around on egg shells in my own home.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Eh, I thought RiRi's post was annoying, but I kind of see her point about your family staying but not his.
I read your post to say that you were not going to board the cats for your ILs, and if they wouldn't stay with the cats, so be it. I totally get that. If it's just that you're not comfortable with his parents, and you're comfortable with your mom, so she can visit and they can't...well....
I know my H is more comfortable with his mom and I am more comfortable with mine. That doesn't mean that I refuse to let his mom stay at our apartment because I am not comfortable around her. KWIM?
Whatever works for you and your H, and likely there is a lot of backstory here, but this would be an issue for my H and me if that's how it worked in our household.
I don't know what KWIM is?
My H seems to feel more comfortable around my mom then his own. She stresses him out a lot.
I see her point about why the IL's are not allowed to stay with us.
She is allergic to cats.... but to me that is our "get out of jail free" card. I am not going to lie. I am still pretty upset with her reaction to amount $ my father left me after he died in his Life Insurance policy (which was screams of joy). I am having a really hard time letting go of that. And ever since then she has been trying to get money from us with no success.
It is true. I am bitter and I don't want her staying the night in my home and causing my H and I further anxiety.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Yeah I don't blame you either, considering how she has treated you. If OP and her husband are distant from his mom, it is due to MIL's own bad behavior.
It sounds to me like she got what was coming to her and her "temper tantrums" come from her knowing that it's her own dang fault. Besides, the cats didn't do anything wrong, why punish them, right?! Lol! Good luck, girl!
Refusing to come, then later saying well I MIGHT come, board your cats is so freaking obnoxious. God forbid you ask your mother AFTER his mother declines your invitation.
"Know What I Mean"
And I can understand not wanting to board the cats as a valid excuse, but how does your H feel about you letting your mom stay there but not his because "you don't want her there?" Does he not want his parents staying there either? Or are you the only one with a say in who stays there and he has to roll with it whether he likes it or not?
I know you said there's a space issue and you asked your mom after his mom got all wishy-washy about coming or not coming ... but I mean in other instances besides this Thanksgiving.Right, I forgot about the money from your father business, but I remember reading about that now.
At any rate, more power to you. I can't imagine telling my MIL (who I don't particularly get along with...) that she couldn't stay at my apartment, but like I said, if you and your H are fine with this then I'm happy it works for you.
Honestly his parents have never really wanted to stay with us because of the cats.... until now.... but we would have to board the cats.
H needs breathing room between visits with his parents. Like we spend the day with them, then they go away for the night and we get about 3 hours of relax time before bed. It's like a break.
Also the space thing: My mom is one person.... there would be 2 people with his parents and we do not have a sofa bed. Our bed is a Full size. And MIL doesn't like sleeping in the same bed with FIL. So that means if they stayed with us, 2 people would be sleeping on the hard wood floors. Guess which 2 MIL would suggest?
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Our cats are a part of our family. Our home is their home. If someone who is allergic to/doesn't like cats is going to be a guest, I clean our guest room and shut the cats out. I happily clean and keep clean the rest of the house to keep allergens at a minimum, but no one, even family should dare to tell me that they were coming and I would be boarding our cats. Because my answer would be: "The Homewood Suites are located just up the road. Let me get you their number."
And I esp. would not let that woman stay in my house after she has treated you.
Oh heck no!
When people come & stay with you, it isn't for you to rearrange your lives. That said, I agree that the cats should not be boarded. My brother has allergies to animals and DH and I have a dog & 2 cats...so my brother pops an Allegra a few days before the visit and he's fine. Just not choosing to be around the cats for personal reasons...screw 'em! DH should tell his parents that the invitation stands but don't expect to have separate sleeping accommodations and/or absence of pets.
Even without the cat-boarding issue;
Even without the not-wanting-to-sleep-with-FIL issue;
Even without the XGF-Xmas-ornament issue;
OP isn't obligated to "treat the IL's the same as her mom" because the IL's don't treat her with anything near respect.
Good thing your H has your back on this, I think I'd consider divorce if I had to sacrifice a holiday every year by spending it with this woman if he didn't.