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SIL getting a CHEAP hairdo...
My brother is engaged and is getting married this upcoming year. His fiance and I have become good friends. I am a cosmetologist and for the past year and a half, I've been doing her hair at home on my own time. I always give her a full color, highlight and haircut which in my salon would at least cost $100.00. It takes me about 2 hours to do her hair, and I pay for the highlighting products out of my own pocket. For a while, she would always give me a "little something" for doing her hair...usually around $30. But back in February, for her birthday, I told her I would do her hair as a birthday present and she didn't need to pay that time. Well, ever since, she has not given me anything, except for the last time, I think she gave me $20. So I decided since she was paying me again, I would continue to do it. Well, I just did her hair again tonight and got absolutely nothing again. I am extremely upset that she would do this to me, because I put a lot of work (and $$) into doing her hair!
My question is, what should I do about it? I thought about talking to my brother about it, but I don't want to seem like I'm going behind her back. I also thought about just telling her I can't do it anymore because it's too much time/money out of my day. Another idea is to give her the bill for the products I use, but that still doesn't cover payment of my time.
How do I approach this without putting a damper on our friendship?! HELP!
Re: SIL getting a CHEAP hairdo...
Did you tell her from the beginning that you wanted to be paid (even a small amount) for your services?
If not, then lesson learned ... be upfront with people the next time you expect money. Or, better yet, don't get involved with friends/family and money.
Also, if you only meant to do it for free as a birthday gift, why didn't you remind her the next time that the free hairstyling was a one-shot deal?
This doesn't seem like a cut-and-dry case of your FSIL being a cheapo. It seems like there was absolutely no communication about payment. Either bite the bullet and tell her that you will continue to style her hair if she pays for the products herself, or make up an excuse as to why you can't do it anymore.
Yes, at the beginning of doing her hair, I told her that I take "donations" from friends and family. And the reason why I didn't remind her the time after her birthday, was because I just thought she forgot, and let it slide. And yes, that was a huge mistake on my part, I'll completely admit! But I never thought she would purposely "forget". And she knows that I pay for the products because she was over one day when I did my aunt's hair and my aunt gave me quite a bit of money and in front of future SIL, my aunt said she knew it took me a lot of time and part of my own money to do her hair and wouldn't expect that for free! So I thought PERFECT! that would give SIL a hint, but it obviously didn't. But yeah, I dug myself in and I don't know how to get out. I guess I am just too naive to think that everyone is kind enough to offer me payment, but I was wrong. : ( But thanks for your advice! I appreciate it!
What exactly is it you want? Do you want the cost of the products covered? Do you want payment for products and time? Do you just want her to make some contribution so you don't feel completely taken advantage of?
You told her you take donations. Well donations are optional. So she is absolutely abiding by the terms you set in the beginning.
I would just tell her straight. eg. "I'm sorry I can't afford to cut your hair unless you cover the cost of the products which will be x amount of dollars."
"I'm sorry including the cost of the products and my time I can't afford to cut your hair anymore. I'd be happy to continue doing it, but you will need to pay x amount of dollars."
I wouldn't just send her a bill, because you set this situation up so to send a bill after all this time is very passive aggressive.
I don't see any reason why you can't have a straight forward conversation around payment. It is completely reasonable that she covers your costs, including your time.
If she doesn't like it, there are many other hair dressers she can go and pay full price to.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have a few friends that are stylists and do hair on the side, and I don't know that any of us would NOT pay them when they do our hair on the side. To be fair to you, I think that your SIL should know better. She really seems to be taking advantage.
Like a PP said, it's time to figure out what you want when you're working on the side. Do you think $20 + the cost of product is enough? Is it $50 + product? It's fair for you to set a price for your services, but you have to communicate that to everybody you do work with outside of your salon.
For your SIL specifically, I would just wait for her to ask you again and then say to her, "I'm really not working on the side as much anymore, but for the few people I am going to keep doing I'm charging $X + Product. I was just finding that I was actually losing money before, so I have to charge at least a minimal fee."
Good luck.
If you want to be treated like a professional, then you have to act like a professional.
That means setting a price for your skill and overhead. I was thrillled to have a good friend with an at-home shop where I could get fantastic cuts and color highlights. She set a rate, on a poster by the mirror and I added 20% (she also had a cute sign that said "I accept tips"). It was much lower than what I would pay at a shop that would have to pay a lot more overhead costs, and I was thrilled with the opportunity to have fabulous hair from someone who cared about me.
Accepting "donations" is what a volunteer does, not a professional. It would probably take you all of 30 minutes to print-up a nice price list with a logo and options at "friends and family" rates. Then you could tell her or anyone else that you've put a professional face on your professional skills for your at-home business and then show them the price list and say you are accepting appointments.
And please don't apologize for it. The people closest to you should really be supportive and encouraging to you for stepping up your game. You have professional skills and when you act like it others should be happy for you. Not upset that their missing out on some free services.
Go you!
I get what everybody is saying with this, and I totally agree. But don't you think at least SOME of the responsibility is on the "client" here. Are you honestly telling me that if you had a friend doing your hair on the side, you wouldn't start with the offer?
I agree that the OP needs to say something and should just establish a rate, but I can at least sympathize with the situation she's in here.
Please don't go to your brother, you're adults there should be none of this.
Why don't you just talk to her "SIL I'm going to have to charge you for now on for the products I use to do your hair, it's getting to costly for me, it will however still be cheaper than going to a salon but the products will cost about $$ for highlights...is that okay?"
She'll most likely be fine with it, I mean she had no idea you wanted to be paid, she probably doesn't even know you have to pay for products, just let her know, and tell her before you actually do her hair the next time. If you do it and then hand her the bill it seems kinda bitchy...
The fact that you say you accept "donations" is you main problem. Donation implies its voluntary. If you want to be treated as a professional and be paid as a professional, then you have to act like one. Tell her that a cut and color is $x, that it includes the products and your time.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yeah, if SIL was posting here, I'd tell her to pay.
But she's not the one here asking for advice--it's that pesky 'you can only control YOU' part of things.
Yeah, if SIL was posting here, I'd tell her to pay.
But she's not the one here asking for advice--it's that pesky 'you can only control YOU' part of things.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Since you started off by saying that you accepted donations from friends and family, and since then have been accepting her donations/ doing it for free when she doesn't pay you/ giving her a free session for her birthday, that's not implying to her that there's a problem or that the materials or time are more expensive than she's paying you for- that's implying to her that what she's doing is fine. I don't blame you for wanting payment- that's a lot of money and time- but it doesn't sound like you're representing to her that this is expensive or a lot of time. Honestly, when people give free sessions and do things for free (for months) and say at the beginning that they just "accept donations"- that sounds like they just like doing hair and if they make a little pocket money from it too, then great.
Granted- no, I would not let a friend or family member do my hair for free, I would pay SOMEthing, but I also have to say that I have absolutely no idea what the materials were costing them or what they felt was "owed" and I would definitely need some guidance about what an appropriate amount was.
So- the next time she asks about getting her hair done, say, "I need to let you know that I've been looking at my finances and I can't do hairstyling for friends/ family just with donations anymore. I came up with a reduced rate for cut/ style/ color for the friends and family I can do in my home. Cut is $x, style is $y, color is $z. Are you still interested?"
That also gives her the information she needs to decide if she can afford to be getting a $100 (or $80, or whatever you come up with) hairdo from you or if she wants to get it just cut or if she wants to go somewhere less expensive. It's totally fair for you decide what you can and can't offer, but it's also totally fair for her to decide what she does and doesn't want to buy. I got an expensive hairstyle once, and I loved it, but on balance, it just didn't fit into my budget to spend that much on my hair, so now I go somewhere that's more affordable than stylish. So also regard her end as a business transaction- make sure you're offering her the opportunity to say, "I love the way you style my hair, but unfortunately that's just not in my budget," and go elsewhere instead of feeling pressured to always go to you and pay whatever.
Keep in mind (in business and with friendships/ family relationships) clarity is as important as using kind words or doing nice things. If there's something you need or want or expect, saying so, nicely, beforehand, helps other people know what will make you happy. Being vague or leaving it up to them or hoping they'll figure out what it is you want feels "nicer," but it's actually more confusing.
Um... First off, if it costs you money to do her hair, I would tell her what your supplies cost. She should cover that. As far as time, I don't know... my thought is you aren't actually at work doing her hair. If you want to get paid for your time as well, then I would tell her that. She might not think about everything like that.
My SIL is also a cosmetologist. The only time she has dyed my hair is when I see her at the salon, and I get the family discount. It's $10 to cover the cost of hair color, at least when I pay the salon directly. She has also cut my hair on several occasions. To be honest, I go to her because she's family, does a great job, and I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for it. If I would have to pay as much as it seems you are wanting to ask your SIL for, I would just go somewhere else that's more convenient for me.
If you don't act like a professional, people will treat you like an amateur. If you TELL people, out loud, that you don't expect to be paid like a professional, people are not going to pay you like one. and, it's a maxim that people who don't have to pay for things are the ones who are most likely not to count the cost of what it is they are receiving. And you've made it clear that you do not expect to be treated like a professional, with this girl or any other 'on the side' clients; you're just expecting them to pay you like you are. You don't get to send mixed signals and then bittch when people pick the signal most preferential to themselves.
You've gotten some good advice; I like Mrs. Ginger's ideas the best as far as wording. Make up a cost list and convey it to your customers, which is what this girl is, and quit getting pissy that she won't pay you when you refuse to put a price on your services.
I feel you, you backed yourself in a corner and looking for advice on how to get out.
I like the idea of posting a poster advertising friends and family rates, just worried that may go over her head.
Next time she calls and sets up a time for you to do her hair, I would say "I need to ask you to pay me this time, I was thinking XX would cover the cost of the actual products as well as a nominal fee for my time"
Thank you all for your responses and help! I truly appreciate them! I guess to sum things up, it was never about the money, but that I guess I thought she was a good enough friend that I never thought she wouldn't reciprocate a little more appreciation for me being such a good friend to her. Is that so wrong to feel that way? And it's not that she doesnt know that I pay out of my own pocket, or that I push aside free-time for her, because she absolutely does. She also knows that my own family, including my brother/her fiance, always gives me a something (typically more than I expect!), so I don't think it's a matter of her thinking she's family now and that's a free hairdo privelege. And she used to always offer me something, but why not now? Nobody needs to answer any of this, because I have planned to talk to her about it. I'm just writing it out because I'm stressed out right now and I can't sleep. Sorry for the vent.
I just want to end this subject with this...To everyone, please appreciate the favors that your family and friends do for you because not only are they spending their free time helping you, but they have a lot of respect and love for you and even if they don't ask (because they're too nice! Lol!), they need to feel that that respect and love is mutual. Thanks again for your time.
ITA agree with others. People don't work on hints. Charge a set amount of money in the future.
I'd just say, "hey, I have no problem doing your hair. I won't charge you anything for my services; just need you to cover the costs of the products."
If you want her to start paying something, you really do need to be up front with her about it. She's not a mind reader, and I'm sure she won't be bothered by you asking her to pay for the stuff so that it's not coming out of your pocket.