Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
celebrating same holiday...twice...with same family
What do you ladies think? We are celebrating turkey day with IL's on turkey day. (my family is not near us so this year it is just with the IL's) so I'm totally okay with that....
BUT we got another email saying: FYI we are also having thanksgiving on saturday with them AGAIN...but this time also including a few more family members.
I guess for me it's overkill...does anyone else's family do this?...I would be less resistant to the idea except they like to do this for every major holiday.
I'm sure I will go and put on a happy face...but just thought I'd ask and see if others endure this...or actually enjoy it 
Re: celebrating same holiday...twice...with same family
Way too much togetherness for me - I'd pick one or the other, but not both. I see their point of accomodating more family members, and it's nice of them, but IMO it's overkill as an in-law.
I think it would be fun if you really liked spending time with them all. But I believe adult children should be able to make a choice between which dinner they would prefer to attend.
If parents are hosting dinner with immediate family and then want to host an extended dinner on Saturday, that's great that they want to do this, but the children shouldn't be made to feel they are obligated to attend both.
I think they are erring on the side of politeness. Better to ask and you say no instead of not asking you guys only to hear you guys would have come.
If you don't want to go say that you are sorry but you have plans.
They can "tell" you that you're doing it again all they want, but until they put a gun to your head, you actually can say "Oh- thanks for inviting us, but we'll be unable to come".
BUT- that brings up the question.. where does your DH stand on this? Does he think you all "have" to?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Once is enough for me.
Plus that's two really huge meals in 48 hours and with mostly the same people. Way too much food for me.
my MIL
Wait--you were told that you will be attending another Thanksgiving dinner? With the same people?
While I'd have a problem with being told that I'd be attending, if you get along with them, what's the problem with eating a huge meal that someone else cooked?
And, while they can tell you whatever they want, you totally have the right to tell them, "Sorry, not going to be able to make it."
I kinda figured this question would come up. To be totally honest...like another poster suggested I could easily have plans for Saturday...but I have to be honest and say that even if I made plans with a friend, I'm pretty sure my DH's probability of going to his parents would actually increase...which to me would mean an un-united front against saying "this is a bit much" SO something we definitely need to have a chat about. He did ay he too thinks it's a bit much, but that he feels like we should go.
excellent idea...
It depends on how you feel about the "extended family."
If seeing the extended family is worth seeing your ILS twice and eating with them twice, then by all means go.
But - - even with my own family, two big sit-down meals is overkill. In fact, with DH's family, I would probably skip the "small" gathering and go to the big meal with the cousins and aunts. They are a lot more fun!
The issue is they seem to expect you WILL come but you simply don't want to but your DH thinks you all "have" to. Maybe look for a compromise this year. Go for dessert.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My mom popped that on me last year. After plans to drive-in on Tuesday, prep on Wednesday and cook for the family on Thursday, I thought my holiday was over when the meal was cleared. Mom had to work a 12-hour day on T-day and Friday (sadly), so I made plans to fly out on Saturday for my IL's. For the first time ever, mom announced "Leftover Saturday" where we would celebrate T-day again.
When she heard I could not join them for Saturday b/c of my plans to fly-out, she declared that "I was spending Thanksgiving with the in-laws".
Hmph.
I'm neutral about his extended family...i think they are nice people...just like the IL's...but as everyone has been saying..it's a bit overkill. and to be very fair about this...if it were my family i would definitely feel the same way! ...as in I would suggest that we either do one big one or each do our own.
Tell him to stop being a momma's boy and cut the damn cord. Who celebrates the same holiday twice and expects their adult child to be free both days to attend?
hahahaha thank you for the humor! AGREE!
I think it's totally a personal decision, one that varies from year to year. As long as you like these people and want to attend, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. If they are telling you this is what is expected of you, I would have a problem with it.
Also, if you already made plans, such as to see friends during this time or attend something with another family, I do not feel like you should feel obiligated to attend, where as, if you have nothing else to do during this time, why not attend, as long as you do feel forced?
Once would be enough for me.
Wow... planning the huge meal once is alot of work, I can't amagine doing it twice.
I wouldn't be going on Saturday.