Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I already have anxiety (MIL vent, long)
Here's a little light Monday reading/vent:
My MIL and her husband are arriving here on Wednesday. They told us a month ago that they were randomly moving to Calgary from Ontario. Which is a lot closer to us, except for the small fact that we are moving in December which they were well aware of. They claim they want a change, but with these two I feel like there are other reasons at hand. Especially since DH is a free agent this year and may not be back in Edmonton so they could potentially not be close to him at all. Regardless they are moving here and have no jobs, no place to live and from what I can gather no savings.
They plan to spend a week with us and then drive down to Calgary to find a place to live and jobs. I am paranoid that this is going to backfire. We have a two bedroom town house and are a lot more financially stable than they are. I am so worried that they are going to ask us for help. Which if it were just my MIL I wouldn't care but I can't stand her husband. Having him in my house for 6 days is too much to ask as it is.
See MIL's husband is DH's biological father, but not his father. I know that makes no sense. Her hubby, we'll call him C, has had absolutely no part in DH's life until after he was 18. Paid no child support, nothing. MIL was married to who we conisder DH's Dad and the man who legally adopted him until he was 16, when they divorced. We are very vey close with FIL and DH's new Stepmom they are amazing people. Somewhere a long the way MIL reconnected with C and they got married in 2008 (I was her MOH which is a story for another day). This is a super touchy subject between DH and I. We often find ourselves balancing spending time with MIL and avoiding C. I personally think DH gives in too much to MIL and really should hold her more accountable for her decisions, but she is still his Mom. We don't have to be around C, IMO, just because he is her husband. C totally tries to take credit for DH's success in athletics and it drives me up the wall. Nothing like bragging to your friends about the son you didn't raise. He also has another daughter younger than DH that he abandoned and didn't pay child support for either, we've never met her.
Anyway long story short, they are in town to visit us and for the Grey Cup (Candian Super Bowl). DH has a lot of events he has to go to this week which means I am going to get stuck entertaining them. It is going to take all of the energy I have to get through this week. I truly hope this move works out for them and we don't get put in a sticky situation.
Vent over.
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
Re: I already have anxiety (MIL vent, long)
Here's a few thoughts about how you can avoid spending time with them...
- Use your move as a reason to be out of the house more. IE- finding boxes, paper, etc.
- Arrange for a friend to "have a crisis" - terrible I know, but I have to admit it's worked on more than one occasion for me.
- Keep packing up for your upcoming move. Nothing says go away like cleaning.
- "work" longer hours?
- Come up with a list of things they can do independently in town.
- Arrange for them to have dinner somewhere you and YH enjoy, letting them know why you like it and "hope they enjoy it too."
I totally understand this frustration. My biological mother (NOT my mom) did this and it caused a lot of strife. We haven't talked since just after our wedding (that she didn't attend because I told her she needed to refrain from referring to herself as my "mother".) Sorry, I get heated about that topic... We're not planning to tell her about being pregnant until she calls or does something that warrants my friendship again.
Good Luck!
I'm sorry you have to deal with this!
I agree with Space's suggestion though, I would just keep packing (who knows, maybe they will end up helping you?)
You could maybe go see a movie if you want to do something with them, but don't necessarily want a lot of conversation (that sounds bad, but it's true)
GO! St. Louis Half Marathon-2:32:13
Omaha Half Marathon 9.23.12
Thanks girl, those were definitely some great suggestions. My MIL is a bit intrusive so if I say I need to pack she will offer to do it while I'm at work. I'll have to think of some things for them to do.
Believe me this gets me really heated, I'm protective of my DH and I hate that this situation puts him in such an uncomfortable position. You can be assured that there is no way in he!! my kids will be calling him "grandpa". I am sorry to hear that you have a similar situation.
Ugh I'll let you know how this goes, and I almost forgot I am pretty sure he is an alcoholic too.
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
Oh I will for sure, I was thinking about you when typing this out. Can't wait to hear about what comes out of your MILs mouth this weekend.
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
Bahaha you don't even want to hear the stuff that has already come out! But appears that BIL is now coming home for part of Thanksgiving so you'll not only have MIL's comments but also BIL's too... it's like my early Christmas present to you all!
EDK- I'm sorry that you are going to have to deal with that for the week. If they do try to borrow money or whatever, remind them you are moving and you don't know what expenses will come up.
Misa- I don't know the situation with your MIL, but ever since I got pregnant my MIL thinks she is my boss. She tells me what I can and cannot do, so hosting Thanksgiving at our house should be a real joy. I'm sure I'll have a few gems to offer after thursday as well.
YGPM!
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
Totally.
I guess I'm the only one who's not having IL issues, but biological family issues! lol
Emily, I'm sorry you have to go through this and I completely understand what you mean about protecting YH. I just cannot understand anyone who can bring a child in the world and act like they don't exist. That just baffles me.
I'm actually happy to not be going home so I won't have to act like everything is cool with my dad. It also doesn't help that mom suddenly decided to completely cut him off from everything. Oy!
wth does she need nuggets and fries for?
KeyRyn- I'm sorry about the stuff going on with your parents. Hang in there girl!
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
My nephew pretty much only eats McNuggets. That's his (nearly) whole food repertoire along with challah with massive amounts of butter and salt. He has this at least once a day with a large diet Coke. The kid is turning 8 Christmas Eve and weighs 37 pounds. He has a serious eating disorder and, IMO, his parents are ignoring the problem and his nutritional needs. He's not even taking a regular multi-vitamin.
Thus, because nephew gets McNuggets for Thanksgiving, it's only fair that the other kids get them too.
I have some serious opinions about his eating problem - and I can't believe that his pediatrician isn't acting upon anything. And don't get me started on him not sitting in a car seat, booster seat or other car restraint. In CA, the law is 6 years old or 60 pounds. Most booster seats require the chid to be at least 40 pounds. Oh, and he's shorter and smaller than his 6 year old sister.