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House Drama (long)
I'll try to paraphrase as much as possible.
As most of you know, DH's parents are very well off (hello, they paid for our wedding). They also own about 8 properties in CO and NM, one of which DH and I live in rent free at the moment. However, it does have a gigantic cell phone tower in the back, just past our fence that gives DH headaches and nose bleeds, so we are looking to get out ASAP. (T-mobile just upgraded the tower and it's now more powerful, so it's REALLY become a problem.)
MIL lives in Evergreen, CO and FIL lives in one of their properties in NM (long story for another time, but they are still happily married). MIL just decided she wants to move out of Evergreen for various reasons: house is too big, she can't take care of it herself, she lives at the top of the mtn and is tired of plowing the mile long driveway, wants to be in the city by us, etc. She's been house hunting since before the wedding.
We went to look at a house 2 weeks ago that is absolutely gorgeous, but has 2000 more square feet than the Evergreen house (5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms and a casita). I threw out my opinion, which was basically "it's INSANELY too big and it has nothing of what you're wanting besides the main floor master". They put an offer in anyway and were declined for a loan as well as the offer being declined. Their realtor told them to offer the same amount again and somehow the seller took it. And now somehow the loan went thru (I think the bank re-evaluated their other properties as inventory as opposed to assets and that made a difference.)
So MIL comes over last night and says, "the offer was accepted, so when are you guys moving into the new house?" HUH? WTF? We're not moving in with you! But she said, she will stay in the Evergreen house until it sells (which could be up to 2 years), we move into the new house, and our current townhouse will be renovated to be sold, so that when both Evergreen and our townhouse sell, we can find our own house (meaning WE buy it and pay the mortgage, not the ILs).
I'm completely torn. We MUST get out of our townhouse, for the sake of DH's health. The tower doesn't affect me as much, but I always have a headache, so I'm not sure if it's the tower or not.
But really, move in to MILs house? Like I said, she won't be there, she'll still be in Evergreen, but it's HER house. She would come over whenever. If she didn't feel like driving up the mtn in a storm, or had a client she needs to see, she would do it at the new house.
It's so confusing, it gives me a headache. Not to mention the new house is about 30 minutes further from my work, which I can barely make it on time as it is. I don't know what to do?!?!
Thoughts? Advice? Opinions? Rants to tell me to shut the hell up and keep milking the ILs for all they're worth?
Re: House Drama (long)
My first thought is absolutely not! But... how is your relationship with MIL? Are you okay with her showing up whenever? And are you okay with the fact that she may very well sell her house immediately and be living with you all the time immediately? I'm at a point in my life where I can't imagine living with a set of parents again.
I do realize you need to get out for health reasons, so it helps in that regard. How close are you and H to being able to buy on your own? Close enough that you could just buy rather than move into her new place?
Or perhaps rent a house temporarily until you can find one to buy?
My concern is that she would show up unannounced, does she have a tendency to do that? Also, it is her house and god forbid something get damaged, would she hold it against you? Does she have ulterior motives for offering the house to you?
The 30 minute commute would be hard for me to get used to. I had a 5 minute commute before and now I have a 15 minute commute and that's hard for me to get used to.
Sorry I could not give better advice.
My gut response is DO NOT MOVE IN THERE, but I have really bad issues with my family and would NEVER take anything from them. I do understand that there are families out there who would give/let their children use something from the goodness of their heart and without any strings. I'm just used to things being held over my head, so I'm kind of jaded. It really comes down to how your think MIL will be about it.
If she bought the house because she's concerned about the well being of her son and will leave you alone, sure. If you think she's trying to worm her way into your lives, no way.
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FWIW, MIL and I get along great, I love her. She is a genuinely nice person and I don't think she has a malicious bone in her body. I think she's just lonely and has money to burn.
As of now, we see her about 3-4 days/week. She comes down the mtn for shopping, hair appts, etc and we always have dinner or dog sit for her. So the "popping by" doesn't bother me, cuz it's what happens now, and there's always prior notice.
DH and I were waiting to buy our own house until I'm out of debt, about 2 more years. I wanted to be able to contribute to a mortgage payment and I don't want or expect his parents to buy us a house. But I guarantee you they would if we asked. So renting in the meantime was not in our financial plans at all.
I think moving to the new house is the best option financially, but I also don't want to move into a beautiful house that I can't decorate or personalize as our own. I mean, we just got married, I kind of wanted to start our life together on our own, KWIM? Le sigh...
ETA: "Le sigh..." I sound like a spoiled brat. I just have a hard time adjusting coming from growing up poor as hell, to having DH growing up w/ his silver spoon. Very conflicted...
IUI #1 10/12/11 (Bravelle + HCG + Prometrium & acupuncture) = 10/26 BFP! Beta #1=250, Beta #2= 615. 1st u/s 11/8.
It's so hard for me to wrap my head around the concept of living with my MIL, that I have a tough time telling you to do it.
However, it sounds like you have a good relationship and that things wouldn't be that much different, with the exception of a longer commute. I understand what you're saying about wanting a house of your own to decorate, but I think that considering your current situation with the in-laws and the fact that you would be able to buy a house in a couple of years, it's a feasible option, and you DO need to move for your husband's health (and probably yours too - just because your symptoms aren't as bad, doesn't mean you're not being affected long-term).
It's such a personal decision, and it's impossible to include all of the ins and outs in a post, but it seems to me like you need to sit down with your DH and draw up a list of pros and cons. From where I'm sitting, with the info you've provided, most of the cons (weirdness about living in a house that belongs to your MIL, the fact that she could stop by whenever) are already in place in your life. And a very big pro is that you need to move, and you can't afford to do so on your own at this point in your life. The longer commute sucks, but I think you need to decide if you could get out of your current situation, in a reasonable amount of time, without taking your MIL up on this.
Again, we can't make this decision for you - only you and your husband can decide, but it seems like a good option to me.