Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
NO SEX!!!
My husband and I have been married for a little more than a year. We have sex MAYBE one time a month, and I feel like I practically have to beg when we do. The kicker is that WHEN we do have sex, he rarely 'finishes' and it is an all-around unenjoyable experience for the both of us. Any advice? I am not looking for all around the clock action, but this is very frustrating!
Re: NO SEX!!!
Lingerie?
cook dinner naked....give him a mind blowing bj....become a dominatrix for the evening...what about b4 u got married was this an issue?
And this is of course all new since you got married, right? Because of course, why would marry someone when you were already having these problems?
He should talk to his doctor to get checked out for any issues. Is he on any meds, legal or otherwise, or does he drink? Anything that would keep him from finishing?
Does he masturbate successfully? I ask because not being able to finish with you is a different problem than not being able to finish alltogether
If he has trouble reaching orgasm on his own as well as with you, he should talk to a doctor. This, coupled with a low sex drive, could be an indicator of a medical or hormonal problem that has nothing to do with his feelings toward you.
If this is not the case, have you tried asking him what the problem is? Most relationship problems women ask about on here can usually be solved by open communication with their partner.
I would talk to him first, not in a "why don't you want me" tone but a "what can we do to make this better" tone. Then take it from there.
Is he masturbating frequently?I ask only because we had this same problem before we got married. ... Nothing I did got him off or even excited. I suspected it was from his frequent masturbation which he denied... It ended up in a huge fight, I felt unwanted, unattractive, etc.. Anyhow we talked and my suspicions were right he was still masturbating daily which is what he became used to and therefore was unable to achieve orgasm any other way. he agreed to stop and since then it's been wonderful!! Not saying that that's definatly whats going on but i'd look into it... I agree, talk to him not in a passive agressive or demeaning way (which i did--don't recommend) ...but just ask him if theres something you can do to make it better. He may have a physical problem and may be too embarrassed to admit or see a professional about. Be supportive if that's the case. GL
You have a big problem and you are smart to not ignore it. There are four possible reasons for your husband's issues with sex:
1. As PP suggested, he has trained himself to respond only to his tight fist with the feedback loop into his brain. There is no way that another human can compete with that. If your husband is committed to a satisfying sex life with you, he will have to forego all masturbation. Deprived of the stimulation of Rosy Palm, his body will reprogram himself to respond to your sensation.
2. Your husband has a physical issue: low sex drive or ED or who knows what else. He needs a full physical. If he is truly committed to a satisfying sex life with you, he will make an appointment to have a full spectrum of tests.
3. He has a deep seated psychological issues with sex. Lots of guys have them. He could have a fear of getting you pregnant. He could have a madonna/whore complex and finds sex within marriage to be boring. He could have secret kinky fantasies that vanilla sex just won't satisfy. He could just have power issues with sex. Whatever it is, if he is truly committed to a satisfying sex life with you, he will make an appointment with a therapist.
4. He is gay and didn't have a guts to come out of the closet or thought getting married would cure him. If this is the case, you need to just go your separate ways.
Any one of the above can be at play.
If he's truly having trouble ejaculating, he needs a checkup by a urologist -- maybe there is a stricture in there or some other physical problem. It might also be hormonal.
It could also be psychological. A sex therapist can clear this up.
If none of the above apply and his sex drive has always been like this, then that's the way he is: he's perfectly happy with sex once a month -- he should make an effort to meet you half way.
(And if he has always been like this since the start of your relationship, I can't figure out why you stayed with him when you saw what the deal was. If you wanted sex more often and this guy was happy with occasional sex only, you should have moved on.)
Communication is key -- lastly, have you spoken to him about this issue and outside of the bedroom, for a good long while?
If you have not encroached this topic, do so and asap. GL.