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Too much TV?
I've got three kids 3 and under. We spent last weekend with IL and I tried to keep the boys as busy as much as I could. MIL kept turning on cartoons - she said I don't see anything wrong with them watching TV. I let all the kids watch as much TV as they want when they visit me. It's a treat for them.
I guess it bothers me because A. it was a 5+ hour drive to their house - The kids had been sitting on their butts all day and would be sitting for another 5+ hours on the way back. B. I work hard to keep the TV off as much as possible.
The question is: Should this bother me? I mean it is a treat for the kids. Also, its her house so I can't really dictate the TV rules. Also, I don't think shes really a hands on grandmother, she likes to "host" but not play with the kids.
Re: Too much TV?
Since they live 5 hours away, I assume you don't see them every weekend. I would not make this a hill to die on. Your kids won't be harmed by watching a ton of TV occasionally when they visit their grandparents.
Your MIL and and FIL may become more hands on as your kids get older and are able to do more things.
Your right. I think this is probably more about me then about the amount of TV. It bothers me that they push and push us to visit and then when we do they just turn on the TV. I took them outside for a few hikes but the IL stayed home. 10 + hours (only stops for gas) was really hard on the boys.
I think I compair them to my folks and how they play with the kids, and plan activities for us to do with them....
Thanks for the reply and allowing me to vent.
My SIL brought her kids to our house for a week and we had this issue with the TV. She doesn't let her kids watch it and I enjoy TV.
Now, I HATE MY SIL and don't ever want to see her, so I look at it like your rules are YOUR rules NOT mine. If you can't be flexible in MY house don't invite yourself over. I don't come to her house and tell her to change the way she is or how she runs her home, so I expect her to do the same and suck it up.
Kind of a different situation though...You said it yourself, she's not really a "hands-on" grandmother. I'm betting that she didn't have a ton of age-appropriate toys and books in her house, and didn't know what else to do with the kids that they would enjoy (since I'm also betting that being 5+ hours away, she doesn't see them all that often).
One weekend of too much TV isn't going to harm your children. This isn't worth picking a fight over....it's not even worth continuing to be bothered by. I'm sure that you'll quickly (if you haven't already) get your kids back into the habit of not watching TV.
That sounds pretty annoying.
I've taken it upon myself to organize my DD's activities even when visiting my parents for the weekend. They get very caught-up in cooking elaborate family meals and while it's sweet that they like to lay-out a meal, it also means we're playing with DD when they are in the kitchen.
I can't change them but I can change how I visit. I look into age-appropriate outings, bring board games and make plans. I would not fall for the "their house, their TV rules". I am the parent.
Annoying for sure, but as they live so far away, probably not worth making a huge stand over. Plus you did the right thing by getting the boys out of the house and being active.
Like pp, I have a SIL who is weird about the TV but in the opposite way. She brings her kids to visit the MIL, and her kids HAVE to have on their favourite DVD, even when they're not watching it.
So the DVD goes on, her kids are doing their own thing. Someone tries to change channel and all hell breaks loose. But rather than SIL explaining to the boys about sharing the TV, and they can watch it later etc etc etc, she just says, "They'll only be a pain if you don't put on what they want to watch." So two under 5s dictated what the adults could view (DH just wanted to put the news on) until they went to bed.
But SIL lives in another country and if she wants to live with Finding Nemo playing on repeat then so be it.
I don't really find that behavior annoying. We limit lots of things for our kids (TV, candy, junk food, whatever) but I think it's important to be more laid back when you travel. It's not going to do any permanent damage and may be a way for the kids to really look forward to visiting her.
It sounds like you're being way too judgmental of her, and I think it definitely is because you're comparing her unfavorably to your own parents. That's unfair, because I think in 95% of situations, one's own parents will win the comparision battle with the ILs. I'm no exception to that, and I'd hazard a guess that DH prefers his family's way of doing things over mine. The point is, you should accept her strengths and weaknesses and appreciate that she loves and wants to see your children. TV may be the way she feels like she can best relate to them, if that makes sense. I'd also be wary of judging her ability to be "hands on" and playful with them. It gets a lot harder when you're older to run around chasing young children.
And I don't know about anyone else, but after a long 5 1/2 hour drive, there's nothing I would enjoy more than vegging in front of the couch watching TV. If they feel the need to run around and burn energy, they'll do so. We can't make DS sit in front of the TV. He ignores everything except Toy Story and Ipad commercials.
my sil also limits how much tv her kids watch, but they watch more tv than usual when at my parents' house. my parents will play with the kids, but they're not as hands-on as sil's parents, mainly her mother. it doesn't make my parents not as good grandparents, they're just different than sil's parents.
besides, grandma's is where you get to do lots of things you don't get to do at home! that's part of the fun of going to grandma's!