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christmas picture card question
I'm looking for a little perspective on christmas picture cards.
My husband and I got married a little over a month ago, but we have been together for many years (this is just background info). At Thanksgiving my MIL took a picture of my husband and his 2 siblings and announced that it would be the picture she would be sending out on the cards this year. This is something my MIL has done every year so I guess it shouldn't have surprised me, but I guess it did.
I have no interest in being in the picture and know she meant no snub by not including me in it, but I can't help feeling that its odd to be sending out pictures of your 3 adult children (all 21 and older my husband being the oldest at almost 26). I realize I am coming from a biased perspective in that my family has never done anything like this and would never consider doing it at this point, so I am interested in hearing other's opinions on this situation.
Don't get me wrong- I think its a very cute thing to do with younger kids, even into high school, especially when you have family and friends spread far and wide, but to continue doing it when all of your children are adults just seems weird to me.
I casually mentioned this to my DH to see what he thinks and he just kinda of shrugged and gave me the 'you know how my mom is' look and said "well, eventually it will have to stop."
So what are other's opinions on this? Is there an inherent oddness or is it just me? Thanks!
Re: christmas picture card question
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't think it's weird at all. I think you need to let this go.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I don't think it's horribly weird to include adult children on a holiday card, but I do think it was inconsiderate of her not to include you.
But, if every holiday card has always been the three siblings, then I doubt MIL did it to intentionally snub you (assuming she's otherwise nice to you). She was probably just continuing her regular tradition and didn't think ahead.
FWIW, my parents are sending out a holiday card including me and my siblings (I'm 27, they're 23 and 21 and they still live at home). It's a group photo from our trip to Ireland. But my husband's in the photo and so is my sister's boyfriend since he came along. If MH wasn't included then I'd be upset, too.
I think it's weird to not be included and if I were you I'd have my H say something to his mom. Something along the lines of "if krdrbm1015 isn't going to be in the picture neither am I because she is a part of our family now too." would do nicely.
In my family we do Christmas cards every year and last your was H's second time being in them because once you gain FI status you're part of the family. Last year the card even said "In 2009 we grew by TWO" with my H's and nephew's names capitalized (and the rest of the family not capitalized).
I'm 31, and my parents still send out Christmas cards with pictures of all the kids and grandkids -- or as many of us as they can get together at one time during the year, anyway. I don't see that changing anytime soon.
That said, the year I got married, the Christmas card photo was taken at my wedding and included DH; the year my sister got married, the photo was taken at her wedding and included both my husband and hers. I think it's weirder that your MIL chose not to include you and/or didn't just use a family photo from the wedding for the Christmas card than it is that she still includes pictures of her children in the Christmas cards.
In your husband's shoes, I would have said gently, "Hey, Mom, my wife's a part of the family, too, and I'd like to have her in the picture." If she just wasn't thinking and wasn't intentionally omitting you, it wouldn't have been a big deal for her to include you in the shot. If she said "No, this is just of my biological children," then you'd have something to deal with.
DH's and I first married Christmas together was with his family. We had been married 4 months but together for 4 years at that point. MIL and FIL asked me to take the 'family picture' for them.....you know, DH, his brother, his parents, me holding the camera. Nice, huh?
I'd say let it go. Things have not gotten much better with my in-laws, and now I know they won't. They just LOVE their nuclear family. When they visit they say, if I am going to be at work for the day 'oh, great, we can spend some special time with our son.'. It's just the way it is. My hope is only to not continue the cycle with my kids :-).
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't know, I don't think anything is really "weird" about a sibling photo op - I mean, as a mom, I know I would still want a photo of just my kids even when they get married.
I'm not the family-photo on a holiday card, either, however. Generically speaking, those cards for me are weird no matter what relationships make up the family sitting.
I think it's your husband's job to say something.
Personally, I DO think it is wierd if there was a married child and the spouse was not in the picture. The photo just doesn't reflect the new family dynamics. Either you should have been included, or it should have been a "whole family" shot.
my take...photo cards weren't something that existed when her kids were little, and now that they do exist and everyone and their neighbor is sending pictures of their kids and even pets, she wants to send a photo card too...
harmless, let it alon
Pictures cards can be nice when they are done with appropriate taste...
The fact that she didn't include you, IMO, is kinda rude. I would feel slighted if it were me....but, some Mom's can't let go of their babies. Don't sweat it dear...like your loving hubby said, it will have to stop eventually...let the Momma have her fun while she still can.
Breathe in, breathe out hun
Pictures cards can be nice when they are done with appropriate taste...
The fact that she didn't include you, IMO, is kinda rude. I would feel slighted if it were me....but, some Mom's can't let go of their babies. Don't sweat it dear...like your loving hubby said, it will have to stop eventually...let the Momma have her fun while she still can.
Breathe in, breathe out hun