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Christmas Rant
I'm feeling super frustrated right now about Christmas. Right now all the "adults" in the family are on a list and buy for one other adult each year at Christmas. Since DH and I were married this summer I asked that he be added to the rotation since he is part of the family. I have been trying to get people to add him for at least 2 months and everyone just ignores me.
Finally about 3 weeks ago I sent an email to everyone but my uncle (I don't have his email) and requested they pass it to him. I also asked if my cousins would like to be added since they are 22 now (adults) and they said yes they would like to participate.
I got an email from my sister telling me off about daring to change it, about how she doesn't want to participate and how NO ONE should since she won't. I suggested she opt out but that just made her mad.
I got an email from my aunt telling me off for wanting to lump my cousins with the "married couples" and that just because I'm married doesn't mean they should be treated that way, when I pointed out I had been participating since before I even met DH she accused me of trying to start a family fight. When I asked her to comment about adding DH she failed to respond
Neither of my parents will respond at all, and even though my mom promised to pass it to my uncle I found out she hadn't. I have called my mom several times since she talks to all the people on a regular basis (several times a week) and I don't and she refuses to even bring it up. I'm not sure what to do anymore! The reason that I wanted the situation sooner rather than later is because I started a course yesterday that involves a lot of homework and goes right over Christmas and I wanted to have my shopping done.
After people's initial reaction I am reluctant to call people individually and discuss it since it seems to have everyone all jumpy and honestly I'm sick of all of their attitudes. It really takes away the joy of shopping and finding a gift for someone that they'll really love when everyone is being so difficult.
Re: Christmas Rant
I'm confused- all the adults are on a list and you buy for ONE other adult? How do you know who to buy for? Are names somehow drawn? I'm sure it's not material to the story, but I'm kind of confused about this this.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Honestly she is being dramatic here, but she only responded to me (same with my aunt) so no one else saw her 2 page tell off email. I can't really blame her for the other reactions
Do you think I should just say I won't have time to participate this year?
Basically there is like an "order" and you just for the next name on the list. Like if it went mom, DH, sis, aunt1, I would buy for mom this year, DH next, sis the year after etc. Honestly I think it would just be easiest to draw each year but people aren't open to that. But I automatically have to buy for my mom, dad, sister, DH, both cousins and grandma, so in reality I buy for all of them plus 1 other person, if I don't have one of their names that year. The whole thing is a bit ridiculous.
Uh, then what's the point of doing the name exchange if we're STILL going to buy for 1/2 the people on the list?! So, we dont' do that.
My take, as you asked renegade, is to just contact the "keeper" of the list and tell them that you're not going to worry about adding DH this year, but in lieu of all of this, you'd actually like your name removed too.
This is a WHOLE lot of silly drama over adding people, and I personally would use this as an excuse to just remove myself from the whole process anyhow.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ok your family is nuts! No matter how many people you add to the list, it's exactly the same! Everybody will still only have to buy ONE PRESENT (in addition to the mandatory ones).
The only people who will be affected in any way are the cousins, who now have to buy a gift as well... but if they're ok with it, I see no reason for the adults to be upset. The adults will continue buying 1 present and receiving 1 present.
We do this in my extended family as well. Everyone buys a present for siblings and parents, but we draw names for 1 cousin or aunt/uncle. Drawing names is such an easy system, and it's kinda fun to see who you get!
The only difference in our family is that married couples count as 1 person and receive 1 joint gift.
If you can't talk them into reason, I say you can either continue on as before or opt out entirely (although dropping out might cause even more drama).
That is exactly how I feel! My sis got married a few years ago her DH and was added, no problem. When I was added it was no problem as well. Who knows why everyone is freaking out about DH being added. It would only even affect 1 person who had to buy for him instead of whoever they would have originally had
Thanks for listening all. I will be "quitting" the list today
Not sure how you're going to quit (which is a very good idea by the way), I would send them all an e-mail and say that since sending the original e-mail you have heard from several family members that don't agree with expanding the list to include new or existing family members. Therefore you and your husband will no longer be participating.
No need to name names, just be honest. And add that you look forward to seeing them during the holidays. And if you're religious you can add something to the effect of "We all know the true reason for the season."
Good luck and keep us posted!
Another idea (if you want to avoid drama)is to start a separate list for the cousins.
The "adults" exchange between eachother, and the cousins have their own list. We do this in my family.
I still think they're insane, though haha
They're being complete A-holes and you need to email them all and politelty tell them you will no longer participate this year or in the future as it is hurtful for them to refuse to allow your DH in their "married couple" swap. Be sure to refer to their actions as discriminatory and offensive.
Let them fight and gossip amongst themselves while you have a merry Christmas.
This. Do it now!
Right now!
I like your opt out; and I'd make a point of spending the gift money on a charity, in everyone's name, and make sure the charity has their addresses.
Pick a good one, like Habitat for Humanity, or the Heifer Fund. And send a card to everyone saying "a charitable donation has been made in your name to H for H~Merry Xmas! Love you, Sally and DAve".