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I have a WWMND question...long
We (my best friend and I) have been good friends with this person for about 20 years. She is a good person but very loud, in your face and tends to talk behind backs a bit. She was in a car accident (many years before we met her!) and paralyzed so will spend the rest of her life in a wheel chair, so her attitude became that "everyone owed her" type. So as years went by, we kind of lost touch with her. If we see her out, by ALL means we are friendly! We will stop her and say Hi and ask about her kids, etc...but we don't go out of our way to call her, invite her to things (we USED to...but she always said no because it is too hard with the wheelchair...which we don't doubt!)
She met someone about 6 years ago and they are living together...she depends on him quite a bit. He is an awesome guy and ALL about her and the kids! Well, he was in a car accident on Sunday. He was headed eastbound on hwy 2 and got thrown (no seat belt) and landed in the westbound lane. His only injury is he fractured his C1. He got away EXTREMELY lucky! No surgery is needed, no brain injuries, and they even had him up walking last night! He will be in a Halo for 4-6 months and a neck brace after that for a while longer.
I have talked to her through facebook, told her he is in our prayers, that they ALL are and of course if she needs anything she can call us at anytime! Even if it's to watch the kids or bring supper if she is too tired to cook. But I know she isn't sleeping very well, she is getting very worn out spending time up at the hospital then going home to the kids after school. What is something I could do for them? Or should I leave it alone and assume if she needs us she will contact us. She knows the offer is out there. And she has a LOT of family and some close friends in the area who are with her often right now. I don't want it to seem fake because I REALLY am glad he is ok and WILL do anything I can to help her. But with our limited conversations I'm afraid it will seem insincere. KWIM? So WWYD?
Re: I have a WWMND question...long
Have you lost touch so much that her kids know/recognize/are familiar with you? If you haven't and it wouldn't be an awkward situation, I'd offer to pick the kids up from the bus stop and hang out with you and Sky. Maybe have the kids for a weekend? Or for one night as a sleepover?
Or maybe make a few meals and bring them to the house to put in the freezer. I think that's pretty typical of ppl to do for other ppl in need, but I can only imagine how nice it would be to go home and know that you only have to throw dinner in the oven-no thinking required.
Is she someone who is able to ask for help? Despite her attitude being that the world owes her, is she able to speak up? I think personally, I'd have a tough time asking for help but if someone said they were going to pick up my kids for the night (assuming they're not some random stranger obviously) I'd be more than happy to, but I'd never ask them if they could. Does that make sense?
oh yeah...the kids know us. the older one is in HS and is pretty much taking over care of the younger who is in 1st grade.
And see, I don't know if she WOULD ask for help. She has gotten to the point that she does everything herself. I mean, maybe she would, but not from us? I have no clue. I was thinking of just making a supper and some cupcakes and dropping it off. Then she doesn't "have" to ask and it's just a done deal. Make sense?
This sounds like the perfect idea!
Is there a group of people who you could tap to do dinner for them every other night or so? I guess I'm in the camp of "don't do it unless you ask". If you did an E/O night arrangement, they'd have leftovers for the next day and you wouldn't have a parade of people traipsing through their house all the time when sometimes you just need to unwind.
My dad had a stroke when I was a senior in high school and he and my Mom spent a ton of time at the Mayo Clinic doing tests and stuff. People brought over ridiculous quantities of food (which was very well intentioned and sweet of course) but a lot of it went to waste because my sisters and I couldn't eat it fast enough not to mention I had to keep track of which dishes had to go back to which people and then arrange to connect with them to bring things back on top of school, sports, homework, a part time job, and doing ALL the carpooling for my sisters. It was really nice to not have to think about cooking after a long stressful day of playing Mom to my sisters while my folks were away, but it also got to be a bit of an additional burden too.
Whenever stuff like that comes up for my own friends and extended family, I try to remember that little lesson. Of course you have the best of intentions and of course you want to do something to help out - you just don't want to make things more difficult at the same time.
I agree. Then you don't have to ask her again and I'm sure it will be appreciated.
I didn't think of what pp said about having to return dishes and having many leftovers when not all family members may be home etc..
Maybe order them a couple pizzas when you know people are going to be home? That's well received and can be eaten cold for breakfast!
Or a gift certificate to a takeout place (other than McD's and other fast food).
I didn't think of what pp said about having to return dishes and having many leftovers when not all family members may be home etc..
Maybe order them a couple pizzas when you know people are going to be home? That's well received and can be eaten cold for breakfast!
Or a gift certificate to a takeout place (other than McD's and other fast food).
when in doubt, hot dish
when my mom passed last year, many people dropped off food (in disposable containers), which was so helpful. we were all so shell-shocked (unexpected death) that I doubt we really would have eaten otherwise. and even though many people said "let me know if I can do anything for you" I just didn't have the emotional energy to follow up on those offers.
the most helpful people just showed up, gave a hug, passed over the food, and left.
The word you're looking for is SEX. I promise. No, it's not gender. It's sex. You're welcome.