Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
newly wed with no sex life HELP!!!!
My Husband and I have been married for only 3 months and I thougt our honeymoon of sex all the time would carry on when we got home. Was I very wrong. My husband and I both work for UPS so right now it is a very busy time for us work wise so I would consider that being the problem for us not having sex but latley in the morning I catch him watching porn and masturbating. We have not had sex in almost 2 weeks and since we have been married I am lucky if we have sex more then twice a month. We never had these issues before we used to have sex 3 to 4 times a week. I try to wear sexy little lingerie and seduce him but before I can he is asleep. So I figure ok he is to tried at night when he comes home from work so I try to in the morning and he will tell me no honey I have to get ready for work so I get up go make his lunch and breakfeast and when I get back up stairs the lube is out and the last channel he looked at on the tv was the playboy channel. I figure he just is not attracted to me so I have been dieting and working out like a mad women but this is not even working. Now I am losing sleep over this and getting myself sick and depressed it I dont know what to do I want to satisfy him and make him want me all the time like I want him. Anyone have any ideas? I have tried sending dirty text messages sedning him sex invatations dirty pictures getting a little rough with him to let him know how badly I want him but I get no response I have even changed my Haair color and started tanning to try to look like the women he looks at when he watches porn I watch the porn he looks at on the computer to see what he likes to try to do these things Im getting no where I love this man with all my heart he is my best friend but I dont how much I can take anymore.
Re: newly wed with no sex life HELP!!!!
Have you talked to him about this? I don't care how busy you both are, find a time to sit down and have a chat. It sounds like you are just guessing what the issue might be and asking us to guess too. There's a very easy way not to guess anymore....Have a discussion with your husband.
ETA: oh and I would be super pissed if my husband turned me down and then I caught him masturbating a second later. WTF?
I second the PP, you really just need to have a talk with him about this. Changing yourself is not the answer, he married you for who you were. Talk to him, let him know that it hurts when he turns you down but then you know that he's masturbating immediately after wards. Ask him why he wants to do this but doesn't seem interested in sex.
If nothing comes out of the talk I'd suggest marriage counseling to him so that you can figure it out.
He needs to shut the TV off and work on having sex with you; he also needs to work on maintaining intimacy with you.
He's asleep before you?? Wow -- he can't even make sure he goes to bed a at the same time his wife does?? That's not good news.
I'd also have his subscription to the Playboy channel cancelled.
Above all, do NOT emulate a porn star, not even in hair style. If you've noticed, porn stars are not exactly beauty queens.
What you need to do:
Sit down with him and have a long and frank talk about what is happening. Like I said, he needs to shut the TV off and start working on having sex with you.
Perhaps he is discouraged because now it's all the "same old same old" to him. So now he's opting to use his right hand and click on the TV for some "action."
There could be other factors invoved here: Madonna-Wh0re Syndrome (google to find out what this is), his sex drive is not all that high, he'd rather masturbate or maybe he's developing an addiction to porn.
I don't think that he needs a medical checkup. What's happening here is related to your sex life after you got married.
A talk with him, like I said -- and you make it clear that it's high time for him to start anteing up in the bedroom. No excuses no "I'm tired" no masturbation...he needs to start making sure YOU are satisfied.
I also strongly suggest seeing a sex counselor; if it's a problem that's connected to the M-W Syndrome, it's fixable, I believe.
If this problem isn't resovlved by him getting his tail into gear and working on this with you, or it turns out that after consulting with a sex therapist that his problem is an entirely different one not related to the MWS, or he won't work on this problem at all, I suggest you rethink being married to this guy.
Ditto if he refuses to see a sex therapist with you -- I'd see that as a big red flag that he doesn't give 2 hoots about making sure you're satisfied sexually and that his marriage doesn't merit intimacy.
Long talk, sex therapist and action taken on HIS PART: that's what I suggest, in summary.
You don't need a sexless marriage and you do not need a marriage that is void of intimacy. I suggest a civil annulment if he won't work on this problem with you. GL.
There are other things that can be factors in a guys sex drive- if they are tired or stressed their desire drops. Does he use any drugs (legal or illegal) or drink? and the other thing is - is there any chance that he was abused as a kid... a lot of guys were abused in their youth and it really messes up their relationship with sex. Just some things to think about.
But I wouldn't beat yourself up about if you are attractive enough or not... if you DH won't go to counselling - you should go on your own.