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Holiday gift exchange question -- HELP!
DH and I just bought a house. Needless to say, money is tight right now. In addition to the holidays being right around the corner, my birthday is right around Xmas and my husband's birthday is in the beginning of January. We've decided that because we have put all of our money into our house, we should only buy each other one present for Xmas and cap the spending at $50 max. And we have further decided that we are not going to exchange birthday presents.
The problem arises with my SIL. She and my BIL are in a very good financial position, although they have a 1 year old and are trying to buy a new house.
She emailed me to ask what she could get my DH and I for both our birthdays and Xmas. I truly appreciate her generosity, but I think that we should either: (a) stop buying each other gifts and focus on buying gifts for their baby; (b) cap our gifts at $25 or (c) do a secret santa amongst the four of us and cap the gift at $40. I also think we should stop buying each other birthday gifts too.
SIL and I have mentioned possibly splitting the gifts for DH's mother, father, step father and grandmother.
How do I mention to my SIL that I think we should not spend a lot on each other this year? She's always so generous and I appreciate it. However, DH and I simply can't afford it this year. Between the house, gifts for our parents and our niece we just can't do it. How can I bring this topic up without offending her?
Thanks!
Re: Holiday gift exchange question -- HELP!
Is she the type of persont to get easily offended? If not, just tell her that you would rather forgo gifts this year except for kids (which it sounds like is just their 1) or just altogether. If you think not doing gifts would offend her, just do gifts and have a budget on your end.
In my family, on my side, althoug we would all love to get each other gifts, my parents havnt been able to afford Christmas presents for anyone the last couple years. While my sister and I would still like to get them and each other gifts, we dont. We just all get together and have a meal--no gifts. With extended family on my side, my dad's side stopped doing gifts a few years ago because our older cousins started to have babies and the family just got too big. We also just get together with everyone and have a meal with no gifts. On my mom's side, my grandparents get us all something and we get them something, but thats it.
Now with my husband's side of the family its a bit different. With his parents and sister, we do exchange gifts. We give based on what we want to/can do. Our budget to give gifts to them is around $30 per person. His parents spend way more than that on us though. (Last year they bought us a deep freeze plus some!) There is never an issue with gifts not being "valued" equally. We just enjoy the time together and appreciate what others give us. Personally, I like to give more than receive, so I wouldnt care if someone gave me something cheaper than what I bought for them. Now with his extended family, because of certain issues we no longer get together for Christmas with his dad's side, but on his mom's side we draw names and we do have a $25 limit.
So basically, I guess I am saying do what you feel most comortable with and I would take the personality of your SIL into account. If she is pretty laid back, I dont see why yall doing cheaper gifts or no gifts would be a problem, but if it most likely will be, I would just do gifts anyways and go the cheaper route regardless of what she spends. Who knows, you might be able to find some killer sales on something and it look like you spent more than you actually did.
Whatever you do, I hope it works out well and that your checkbook doesnt suffer too much! Good luck
Why is her budget and her feelings more important here than yours? I'd be honest - "We'd prefer to not exchange gifts this year w/ the adults. WIth buying a new home, we have to focus our money elsewhere.".
If she gets offended at THAT, then she's too overly sensitive. She needs to be understanding to your situation.
If you want to turn this into "Due to our budget, we aren't going to be able to buy gifts for all the adults. As such, we were thinking of maybe looking into the future. I was thinking it makes more sense to ____ instead. WOuld you all be up to starting that tradition this year?"
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would just tell SIL that you and DH would like to buy something for the baby, but you don't want to do an adult gift exchange anymore. Or, do something like "let's all go out to dinner sometime as our gift to each other." (if you can afford that).
I would also say that you already purchased MIL/FILs gifts. If you don't and you "go halves" with her, either she'll purchased something out of your budget, or buy something and tell you "oh, you only have to give $25 like you said your budget allowed" meanwhile it was a $200 gift and you will feel terrible. But warning - I HATE "group gifts."
I'm with you -- even if you have the money to spend, holidays can get costly.
Simply tell them you're watching your pennies this season; have them over for a dinner or drinks in lieu of a holiday gift. Or suggest a family grab bag.
Why do you want to cap their gifts lower than the gifts to yourselves if money is so tight? Just curious. There's nothing wrong with setting a budget. We also have a really limited budget this year, so I know what that's like.
If I was in your position and money was really tight, I would try and remember that me and my DH already recently got a wonderful goft we both can share - our new home. I'd use the hundred bucks on gifts for others.
I don't agree with this. In her position, I would not forgo exchanging gifts with my husband just so that more distant relatives could get a more expensive gift. My core family (DH and any future children we have) comes first.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Why are you overthinking this? She can be as "generous" as she wants to be with her money. You are just being nice to clue her into the obvious fact that this is not a year for you guys to be spendy with people. Especially wh people who clearly have everything they need.
And you shouldn't be telling her, her family member should. Siblings can say things that sound perfectly reasonable that otherwise come-off snarky from in-laws.
She's always so generous and I appreciate it. However, DH and I simply can't afford it this year. Between the house, gifts for our parents and our niece we just can't do it.
Some modification of this would be lovely. Letting her know that you appreciate their generosity but that finances are tight this year should be enough. I come from a large family where none of the siblings exchange presents. We give to the children and our parents and no one is offended.
i sure understand where you are coming from, i was there a few years back myself when i was single and just bought a condo. and i always tried to remember that christmas is a time for giving, no matter how much you spend, its the thought that counts for sure, whether you are an adult or a kid its just a tradition to be able to open presents from loved ones, and i love the buying part for others it really makes me feel good. and when they open the gift i buy is even better and to just not have that wouldnt make it christmas.
i think setting a cap is a good idea and i am sure others would be in understanding, my family always was and i would totally understand if anyone came to me for that too ;o)