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survivor night........so close
So after last week's fiasco, we did a lot better but I still came home feeling annoyed. Sis decided she needed a break and it had to be tonight, so my mom asked if it was alright and I said I was cool with my nephew being there as long as he was gone by 7. She ended up trying to guilt my mom into letting him stay longer, she decided not to bring him over at all, I got a peaceful night with my parents and all was good until the end.
When I went to leave my mom asked me to bring my nephews boots home to give them to my sister (we live super close). I said no because a while back she went nutso on me about a high chair which I tried to drop off, and she wouldn't answer the door, and then accused me of stealing it (I posted the whole mess a while back) and after that I decided I wouldn't be doing her favors anymore. My mom got super mad at me for not wanting to help her because she is a MOM and her life is HARD and blah blah blah. I stood my ground but now we left angry at each other again. ugh. My mom is in the camp that no matter how much someone shytes all over you if they are family you should do everything possible for them, and it just doesn't fly with me. And honestly i think that that is the reason my sister acts the way she does.
Re: survivor night........so close
Being the only sibling in my family without children, I can tell you that it would take ONE "You would understand if you had children," to push me over the edge. One.
You need to stop subjecting yourself to this. Your life is not "easier" as you have not had children, it is just different. You don't OWE your sister ANYTHING because she DOES have children. Enough is enough. Tell your mother you've heard it too many times. The very next time you hear the phrase, "Because you don't have children," or anything that sounds like it, it will be the end of you being around her.
I think you definitely did the right thing in refusing to bring something to your sister. I remember that last story of yours.
I remember your story too
we don't have kids, our sil/bil's house is atrocious, beyond cluttered and completely filthy, you can't even walk into the kids rooms. There are dishes sitting all around the house growing mold. The presents we gave for my neice's communion are still in the same pile in front of the television. I could go on for days.
Anyways, my MIL would always say when she came into my house "your house is so clean" (granted, it probably was a dig against her other DIL). But SIL would always say, like clock work, "My house would be clean too if I didn't have children". This scenario has happened at least 20 documentable times.
I always wanted to say, "no, your house would be clean if you cleaned it"
Granted, 2 extra little people does create more mess, and take away available cleaning time BUT thier house is exponentially worse, not 2 times worse
What is your sister doing that she needs so much babysitting time?
And I must point out that your mother likes the drama and the rescuing and the "oh, she so desperatley needs my help that I must rush over and be needed."
Frankly, the whole "Sister desperately needs these boots" was a huge test. You passed with flying colors and she got a big fat F. Of course your sister woud have been beyond stupid and ungrateful to you about the drop off. That's what she DOES. It would have been an opportunity for her to lash out about not getting a babysitter tonight or an invitation to join you. You would have put yourself right smack in the line of fire - for what? So he doesn't have to wear sneakers?
But really, I must know - what is she doing for so many hours a day and into the night?
Oh, and you shouldn't go next week. You should really say that you look forward to seeing them an having a bit of fun, down-time together to keep getting this constant bickering and anger. That sister's needs are clearly too much to manage a weekly TV night. That between having your car dented and being blamed and yelled-at for it, tonight's blow-up with demands to drop-off boots and the general anger and resentment of your sister for loosing a babysitter for the night - well, its too much right now. Say that you expect things to calm down soon, but until they do, everyone is better off if you don't tromp over there every week.
She'll hate it and you'll be completely right.
How is your car?
My mom is in the camp that no matter how much someone shytes all over you if they are family you should do everything possible for them, and it just doesn't fly with me. And honestly i think that that is the reason my sister acts the way she does.
Are we related?
Good for you, for standing your ground. And yes, I do remember the high chair story. I'm sorry it caused you and your mom to get into a fight, but maybe if she'd be a mom instead of a buddy and quit kissing your sister's azz, sis wouldn't be such a spoiled and entitled bittch.
I used to get the "you'd understand if you had kids" crap from several of my friends all the time. They also knew that I haven't wanted kids since my college years so I'd usually tell them something along the lines to shove it.
Right now this is defintiely a case of the "sqeeky wheel gets the oil". Your sister flips out, so everyone runs to appease her.
Maybe if you "flip out", your mom will realize that your sister isn't the only one w/ needs and feelings.
And having been on both sides of the kid "issue" - of nothing else, I really hate people who martyr themselves because they have kids.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Good for you for standing your ground on not doing your sister favors anymore. I'm wondering if your mom played the mommy martyr card on other people when she was raising the two of you- it would help explain why she so bizarrely supports your sister in her complaints that normal things that other people have no problem taking care of on a daily basis are uniquely difficult for her.
The mindset that you're obligated to do everything for faaaaamily is beyond frustrating. That works if it's mutual, but I find that people with that attitude are usually people who always take in a relationship and never give. I don't believe for one second that your sister or your mom would be the most reliable people if you ever got into a tough (or mildly inconvenient) situation. Just keep doing what you're doing- it will certainly cause conflict in the family but it's better than being a doormat.
Also, your sister sounds like a certifiable narcissist.
This concept that being "family" means they can treat you however they want and are excused from treating people w/ basic, normal respect is truly beyond me.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Maybe you should start shyting all over your mom and sister, since they feel so strongly that people should suck it up and take it from family. And by maybe I mean absolutely, and start right now.
I still say you should invite your dad over to your place and watch the show with him.
Your mom and your sister deserve each other.
And I, too, want to know what in the world your sister is doing all day long that she needs all these breaks from her oh-so-difficult and stressful occupation.