Caribbean Nesties
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Fenton

Did he go?  How are you doing?

 J&J, any update?  You could always delete to avoid the crazy locals.

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Re: Fenton

  • Yeah, he was gone.  I didn't really expect different.  And after days of leading up to this I think I might have been more pissed if he was still there, like I was getting jerked around for no reason.  In some ways it is a relief.  It's only been since last night, but for the first time in weeks I've gotten to just chill out and not worry about what I should say or do and if I could prevent this. I also enjoy the idea that he has to face the disappointment of his parents, particularly his father.  They baby him, but I still don't think leaving your pretty darn decent wife will go over very well in their household.

    I didn't talk to him after I left yesterday morning and I'm not going to contact him until at least Sunday.  I want to make plans to meet him after his counseling session next week to talk.  He already agreed to that, so we are on the same page -- we just need to name the time and place.

    However, I think this step means he's going to have a lot to make up for and fixing this will be a lot harder if that's what he decides to do.  You're entitled to your feelings and confusion about them, but you're not entitled to take a little vacation from working hard and publicly humiliate me in the process, and not suffer greater consequences.

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    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • Yeah, even in the saddness there is that respite that at least you aren't having to deal with the person every second.  His parents are capital C-atholic, right?  That won't be fun.
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  • I hope his family yells at him Scared Straight style.
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    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this bullcrap.  I can imagine how it would be a relief to just have him gone already.
    IVF#1 May 2011 15 Eggs Retrieved, 11 Fertilized using ICSI + HPT on 6/9/11 Beta #1 420 Beta #2 2167 US 7/1 TWINS!! Due 2/18/2012 Brooke and Nora born at 35.6 weeks Jan 20th 2012
  • It really sucks, but I remember the relief I felt when my ex finally got the hell out of the apartment and took his crappy shiit with him.  I was so tied up in knots, trying to think of ways to make it work for a couple of weeks.  Then it hit me that he had already checked out.  If he was over it, I had to be too.  Then the angst I felt disappeared...you can't save something when the other person doesn't want it saved.

    image Mabel the Loser.
  • I am really sorry. I was hoping he would come to his senses before he did something drastic that might cause irreparable damage. At least you know you tried. Whatever happens I hope things get better for you.
  • Did he go home to his parents? 
  • Yes, he's at his parents for now.  I am not really a fan of paying our mortgage and paying for his swinging bachelor pad at the same time.  He hasn't pushed to get me to agree for our money, which is still combined, to be used for rent payments for himself.  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
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    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • Have you told your family?
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  • Yeah, my mom is freaking out.  She called me four or five times yesterday and my ringer was off and she kept leaving voicemails.  I could tell from her voice she was about to cry and she was all, "I haven't heard from you, I'm worried about you, I drove by your house and no one was home," and after I heard these around 9:30, I called her back and said, "Oh my god, STOP.  This is not helping me, and you are getting yourself worked up and stressed out, and knowing that just stresses me out more.  Calling me and crying and being mopey is not going to help me!"  I was probably meaner than I should have been, but I tried not to be.  I told her I understood that she was concerned, but that I don't always answer my phone and she can't freak out like that.  Plus, sometimes I am just going to want to be left alone and she needs to respect that.  She is just so emotional and always kind of on the verge of depression herself; I know any time I spend with her will be me trying to make her feel better.  I'm sorry, I just can't take care of someone else right now!

    My dad knows -- she told him.  I don't know what he will say to me, and I don't want to talk to him.  We don't have that kind of relationship and our past issues will make me take anything he says badly anyway.

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    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • will you guys selll your house or will you stay there?
  • Fenton is moving to NYC so TSD can set her up with rich dudes.

    I don't have anything remotely helpful/funny/enlightening to add.   The whole thing sucks and i'm sorry you're going through it.  

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  • I'd sell the house and we'd both get apartments, I assume.

    I've actually already looked at apartments online.  Affordability aside, I do not want to take care of a house by myself.  Plus, it would be weird to stay in "our" home.  Do I bring guys back there and hump in the same room I shared with someone else for years?  The baby changing table in the extra room would also be awkward to explain.

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    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • Dude.  I'm so sorry to hear about all of this.  I too have nothing of value to add.  It's just the ultimate suck.  Hang in there.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I am so sorry fenton.
  • image_Fenton:
    Yes, he's at his parents for now.  I am not really a fan of paying our mortgage and paying for his swinging bachelor pad at the same time.  He hasn't pushed to get me to agree for our money, which is still combined, to be used for rent payments for himself.  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

    Well, when my ex left we had an apt and a lease. I made him pay his half of the rent until the lease was up. It was like 4 months.  He had bought a house so he had a mortgage but there was NO WAY I was letting him not pay the rent AND half the utilities.  He wasn't leaving me with a lease to pay with his decision that he "never was 100% IN love with me and always felt we might be better suited for other people". F. U.

    I'm glad you feel at least a little relief.  I obsessively cleaned when my ex left. (I'm not a cleaner). But, I think I needed to clean him out of the apartment.

  • Can you host a GTG at your house before you sell it? We can help you drink wine and take showers in your disgusting bathroom. I'll wear sweatshirts and force myself on you. Sh!t man, I'll flash my vagina as I spin out in your driveway spewing up gravel and while challenging everyone to a dance off.
    Seriously though, I think you should have a GTG.
  • imagesamfish2bcrab:

    Fenton is moving to NYC so TSD can set her up with rich dudes.

    I don't have anything remotely helpful/funny/enlightening to add.   The whole thing sucks and i'm sorry you're going through it.  

    I can totally set Fenton up with my plastic surgeon.  He's super hot and rich. But, I think she might have to pretend she's Jewish. 

    I do know plenty others who are non-Jews or I can totally get you on Patti Stanger's Millionare Matchmaker.

    Just say the word.

  • You do realize what this means - you may have gotten yourself a BONUS SEX ROUND!  Man, that was fun. 

    Oh, and TSD, I totally made my ex pay half of my rent for 6 months til the lease ended.  I wasn't about to leave our sweet apartment just because he was moving out.

    image Mabel the Loser.
  • Twan must have brain damage. I'm serious, it's a more reasonable explanation than any he's given you.

    Is there a way to ruin the Magic Kingdom for him? Let him know you've changed how you feel about it and plan to spend lots of time there, holidays, etc. That way he can never fully relax at the Happiest Place on Earth or stop thinking about you while he's there? 

    You should move somewhere liberal. 

    image

    "The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab

    Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
  • imageHezzerlah:
    Can you host a GTG at your house before you sell it? We can help you drink wine and take showers in your disgusting bathroom. I'll wear sweatshirts and force myself on you. Sh!t man, I'll flash my vagina as I spin out in your driveway spewing up gravel and while challenging everyone to a dance off.
    Seriously though, I think you should have a GTG.

    I AM off work the week between Christmas and New Years.

    Let me get through next Monday or Tuesday or whatever before opening the floodgates, but it's not a bad idea, although I know it would be hard to lure people in at that time of year.

    image
    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
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