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How not to hurt feelings?
I have a friend OOS whom I've known since most of my childhood and growing up. I've known her son since he was 3 months old and he is like a nephew to me; he graduates HS in the spring. He really wants us at his party, so my friend is pretty much planning his grad party around us, which of course I think is unnecessary yet very thoughtful of her.
She insists that we stay with them while we're there and won't take no for an answer, but here's the thing. DH isn't comfortable staying at people's houses that he doesn't know, especially if it's not family. He feels really strongly about this; I can't change his mind, and obviously his feelings come first. I don't know how to tell her that we want to get a hotel without hurting her feelings, while at the same time not throwing my husband under the bus and blaming him for not wanting to stay there.
A co worker of mine said just to tell them we got a room but not wait until the last minute, while another friend told me to just tell her that it was a good opportunity for DH and I to have some alone time and make it a long weekend trip. Both good suggestions, of course, but I'm always up for more so I can weigh my options. So, what do you all think?
Re: How not to hurt feelings?
I don't think being honest is "blaming" Mike. It's not like he doesn't want to stay there because he hates her or thinks her house smells funny. He's just uncomfortable being in other people's space, no matter how much they are okay with it. If one of my friends told me that I wouldn't look down on her hubby at all.
I vote honesty, but if you have to give her an alternate explanation I would say tell her you're going to use it for a little vacay alone time.
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I have the same issue as your DH I prefer a hotel over someone's house because I'm just more comfortable there plus I am a very light sleeper and wake up at least twice sometimes up to four times when I'm at home and if I can't fall back asleep I don't like to be awake in the dark in a strangers home. So I'm perfectly fine telling everyone that I am just more comfortable in hotels and that I don't sleep well when I'm away from home.
That being said I know you don't want to blame him I'd still be honest because its not really "blame". However I think saying you'd rather have a hotel for some alone time away from home is a fine excuse.
OK thanks for your input. I've always stayed at their house when I'd go to visit, from the time her parents were still alive when she lived at home up until 4 years ago when that was the last time I saw her. I don't mind staying at people's houses at all, but with my IBS getting worse (sorry for the TMI) I hate the idea of an "intestinal episode" coming on when there's a house full of people and worse yet, one bathroom. It's happened there before when she lived at home and there was one bathroom to be shared by her, her 2 siblings, her son AND her parents (plus guests).
I guess I could always ask Mike, too, what I should say to her. If he wants to be left out of it then I'll go with the "long weekend" excuse. But he doesn't care what anyone thinks of him or his decisions so chances are he'd come right out and say it himself. LOL
I agree honesty is best esp since you've been friends for a long time. I think if you've spent the night at her place before, it is a different scenario now that you're married. My uncle (mom's sister's husband) never stayed at our house when they came to visit from FL. He always liked his privacy and ability to do his own thing, even though we are family and have been around since he was in his 20s!
You could ask Mike what he thinks you should say. If it were me, I'd just say we prefer to be in a hotel for our own privacy. If she probes you could explain it's diff now that you're married, and you have to consider Mike's feelings on the topic of staying at stranger's houses. If she's been your friend for so long, she'll understand.
April 2010 Siggy Challenge: Next Vacation Destination