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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
XP: Addicted to painkillers
Does anybody have a family member who is addicted to painkillers? If so, do you have any advice on how to deal with them around your LO? I am currently dealing with this with my MIL, and it's such a crappy situation to be in. She's had this problem for years due to numerous back problems, and it's just totally changed her. She obviously loves her only grandkid, but I just don't trust her alone around the baby; I'm having difficulty addressing this in a way that is sensitive to my husband and his family. I don't want to cause a huge family rift, but my son comes first.
My son is toddling his way to two!
Re: XP: Addicted to painkillers
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
This exactly. And you and your H should tell your MIL you won't permit her to be in your lives until she gets help for her problem: rehab, detox (she probably needs it) and clean and sober with the help of a 12 step program and a sponsor.
We don't really see it as necessary or an option to cut her out of our lives. She's not a horrible person and we all love her; she's just addicted to painkillers. The real problem comes with the fact that I just don't trust her alone with my son and I certainly don't want her ever driving him anywhere. She's always thought she'd be that go-to Grandma for watching her grandkids since my Dad has passed away and my Mom is in another state (and I don't really have a relationship with her).
She doesn't believe she has a problem since she has a prescription for these drugs, so we're looking for advice on how to approach the situation sensitively. But prescription or not (and whether or not she believes she's addicted), she's under the influence of morphine at all times. Unfortunately, we're all very realistic about that fact that it's unlikely she'll ever change and/or quit the drugs. She's extremely hard-headed and convinced she's always right. It's going to cause a rift in the family when we tell her she's not to be alone with him OR drive him.
I always hate to come at it from this angle but...
are you sure she's addicted?
Because w/ painkillers, it can be touch.
There was a period a few years ago where I was under the influence of highly-addictive painkillers at all times. I wasn't addicted, i was trying (and failing) to manage chronic pain.
And someone dealing w/ chronic pain is hard pressed NOT to sound like an addict ..."I need ot make sure I don't run out of vicoden" sounds bad, as does replying to questions about your pills with "but I NEED to have this all the time"--even when both are true.
That doesn't mean she's not an addict but, it also means that even IF she's an addict, it's not as simple as just quitting (it's never that simple but when the medication is DOING something, well, it's even more complex--especially since often the choices are being 'pain addled' or 'drug addled')--I find it infuriating when the only solution is to stop necessary meds.
I don't think it matters one way or the other whether or not she is addicted. If she is under the influence of strong pain killers like morphine all the time, she shouldn't be taking care of a child by herself or driving anyone anywhere. Plus the OP said she isn't interested in addressing the actual addiction, just how her son will be involved with her while she is on drugs.
OP, I think your husband needs to be the one to say something, and it should definitely not be accusatory. He just needs to let her know that the two of you don't feel comfortable leaving baby with her while she is on pain killers. Simple as that. Don't even mention addiction.
I definitely understand your point here, and believe me when I say that it has crossed my mind that she might not be addicted like she claims. I know she deals with chronic pain. However, a lot of things don't add up to me. First of all, her doctor has never insisted on any kind of concurrent approach for dealing with her pain such as physical therapy and/or surgery. Second of all, she claims a lot of her problems are related to nerve damage, but it is my understanding that morphine is only effective on working nerves. Third, she is constantly doing strenuous activity around the house that someone in her so-called condition shouldn't be able to do. Finally, she also smokes pot, drinks coffee, and collects pets like they're all going out of style. She clearly has addictive tendencies.
Regardless, I don't think it really matters whether or not she's addicted. She's still under the influence of something at all times even though she doesn't seem to be totally out of it. I am not willing to risk my son's safety or my new baby's safety when he/she arrives. I just want advice for approaching this in the most sensitive manner possible because my family is important to me and I don't want a huge battle that will cause a permanent rift. My husband has tried to talk to her about it, but he's not the best communicator and so far his efforts have been fruitless. She just ignores him.
As long as your husband has clearly stated to her that you two will not be leaving your children with her alone, it doesn't really matter what her reaction was or if she reacted at all. Your husband has said how it will work, now it is up to you two to follow through. Nothing more needs to be said.
I have a relative like this. We (the kids) were always kept away from the relative when we were young, and I didn't really understand why back then.
I would echo those who suggested getting her help/therapy if you can... addictions like this can and will cause long-term effects, as you're noticing. My relative is now in a nursing home, and they are in their 50's.
Otherwise I would just say don't leave her alone with your child - with her addiction it's not safe. That's completely understandable and your relatives shouldn't fault you for it.