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Rough week rant

I posted about some of this over on the knot... but I'm really bummed about the situation. After speaking to my principal, I was sure we were going to take steps to deal with this girl who's taking diet pills. By the end of the day, it was decided that we weren't going to call the parents and that until the girl passes out at school (as opposed to at home where the parents know but haven't taken any positive steps), we won't do anything.

I'm so angry. I mean really? Waiting until she gets worse? She's already lost her short term memory. Her voice has jumped up an octave. These pills are seriously messing with her growth. What kills me the most is that, because she started them over the summer, none of her teachers have noticed a change in her behaviour. It's only because she comes to talk to me that I've noticed.

And really parents? Diet pills? Under what circumstances does putting your 13 year old daughter on diet pills make sense? It took her 13 years to put on the weight. There IS no quick fix. She's doing the right thing by joining the running club, but the salads without protein everyday for lunch? The total lack of carbs? The fact that she has difficulty sleeping at night and YOU have difficulty waking her up in the morning. REALLY?

Sometimes the things parents do to their kids, however well meaning, makes my blood boil.

Re: Rough week rant

  • that sucks.... i hate as well when the administration doesn't want to get involved until they have to.  Do you know if her parents or mom put her on them or if they were her own idea?  That's horrible too that her nutrition is so poor - I mean, who has told her not to eat proteins with / why isn't she eating lean proteins with her salads?

    I'm glad she has you to talk to - sounds like she's told you about some of the side effects she's encountered.  How does she feel about taking the pills?  It is great that you are a part of her life - who knows, maybe the guidance, support, and information you give her may help her.

  • Her mother put her on them. That's why the admin feels like we can't do anything. We can't tell parents what to do!

    And again, it's a combination of her parents (specifically her mum) and an idiotic teacher at the school who are telling her to eat salads. She has so little self esteem that she's following exactly what they say.

    The thing is, she feels good about taking the pills. She's lost close to 40 lbs since starting them over the summer. She has no reason to stop. Plus, I think they're making her feel a little high. There's a rush that comes with starving your body. I think she's becoming addicted to it.

  • would you feel comfortable talking to the idiotic teacher?  I mean, just saying something like, "wouldn't lean proteins like chicken breast make the salad a more balanced meal?"  Very non-threatening, sort of asking an innocent question kind of thing.

    I can't believe this teacher is ending up using her position to give such bad advice!  How come this teacher can tell her what kind of salad to eat but you're not allowed to express concern to her mother about how dangerous these pills are?  Ultimately, of course it is the family's decision, but maybe the mother doesn't know all the negative consequences of the pills?  I wish you were free, even if the mom already knows, to talk about it with her; maybe it would make her feel guilty and consider stopping it!

    yeesh.  This society sucks sometimes.  And I feel very ashamed to admit that when you wrote that she lost 40 lbs, I thought, "I wonder which pills those are.  I need to take those."

     

  • Ugh, how frustrating it must be for you to watch her put herself through this.  I can't believe how she/her mom can think that a salad is good diet food.  This isn't the 80's!

    Is there any literature available at your school/through the school board for teens about better food choices?

     That is really rough.  I'm sorry you're going through it without any support from your school.

     

  • I think the 40 lbs are related more to the salad eating than to the pills, to be honest.

    This is the thing about teaching, you know? We get to see amazing parenting choices and really, REALLY bad ones. What makes it harder is parents are trying to do the right thing most of the time, but sometimes the right thing is the hard choice, and they suck at making tough decisions, they want to be friends with their child, etc, etc, etc. As a general rule, I try not to be too judgmental of them, especially because I'm not a parent, but it's hard when those choices negatively impact the health of their child and they're too blind to see it.

    I feel extra badly about the whole thing right now, as I was lurking over on the HI bump board and noticed a thread about not judging parents. Tongue Tied

  • First, how frustrating to feel like your hands are tied even when she is clearly harming herself Sad second, I hope my children have teachers like you. (I saw your blog post about the other teacher's comment and completely agree!)
    imagekaesha:
    I feel extra badly about the whole thing right now, as I was lurking over on the HI bump board and noticed a thread about not judging parents. Tongue Tied
    Lastly, this had a caveat about not judging unless the parents are clearly harming their kids...I think you're okay to feel judgy in this case! At any rate, it does sound like she trusts you and maybe having you to talk to will help. (Not to put pressure on you or anything! Just saying it's great that she has you in her life)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I work for student services for 10 years and if this child were at our school they would be seen by one of our behavior specialists, parents would be called and a meeting held to inform and discuss strategies.  She would be monitored and followed up on daily/weekly.  But I do have to agree with your admin. .... not much can be done until the train wreck happens.  My advice to you would be to document, document, document.  That is really the only way you can get this young lady help.  Also the sad factor in most schools is that if her choices or rather parents choices are not directly affecting her academics and there is nothing noticeably physically wrong then there is not much that can be done on the school level.  It is your duty if you feel that this child is endangering herself to notify her parents.  If they are aware of the pills that she is taking, technically they are not narcotics or prescription therefore even though parents are being neglectful and uneducated in our eyes, it still is not a CPS case and they are not in the wrong since they are not physically forcing her to take the pills.  The system is frustrating but she is very lucky to have you to confide in and speak to, it's apparent that she needs someone.  So you might want to walk lightly on the subject as to not loose her trust.   
  • Well, I'm in Canada, so the rules for CAS are a little different, but you're right. There's fundamentally nothing else I can do right now. And if she gets to the point of serious harm (in school), then we'll (apparently) take more action. I'm not worried about losing her trust - we have a decent enough relationship that that's not going to happen. She's long known that I've talked to her other teachers and asked them to keep an eye on her (I did that back in September, and told her that I was going to). She knows where she stands with me and what my reactions to pieces of information will be.
  • imagekaesha:
    Well, I'm in Canada, so the rules for CAS are a little different, but you're right. There's fundamentally nothing else I can do right now. And if she gets to the point of serious harm (in school), then we'll (apparently) take more action. I'm not worried about losing her trust - we have a decent enough relationship that that's not going to happen. She's long known that I've talked to her other teachers and asked them to keep an eye on her (I did that back in September, and told her that I was going to). She knows where she stands with me and what my reactions to pieces of information will be.

     YesSmile

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