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Christmas Gift List Ideas
Every year for Christmas, both my mom and DH's mom ask us for gift ideas. A lot of times we don't have specific wants or needs and are satisfied with whatever they choose to give, but this year, we asked my parents for a particular glider for the baby's room, and we asked DH's mom for a nice set of sheets from our wedding registry since most of what we have is old/worn out/ruined & needs to be replaced.
DH and I know about what our respective parents usually spend on Christmas gifts so we don't really ask outside of that range, but we've also indicated that if they feel what we asked for is too pricy, we'd rather have either a gift card or cash since these items are things we genuinely need and we'd like what we picked out. Both moms have since told us that they bought something different (ie cheaper) for us. So, we're getting a knock-off metal glider, and MIL is getting us flannel sheets (DH can't sleep on flannel sheets because they're too warm) because "there's no way she's paying that much for a set of sheets." (for the record, they're high-thread-count cuz I'm a sheet snob, but with the 20% off BB&B coupon would come out to less than $65 for the whole set).
A little frustrated, I think in part because I feel like I go out of my way to get exactly what people ask for/want, but just wondering about other peoples' thoughts on this: If you ask for (or are asked for) specific items for Christmas (birthdays/other gift-giving events) should you stick to what the recipient asked for or is it okay to go off the rails and pick out whatever you want?
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
Re: Christmas Gift List Ideas
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Truly, I HATE when people ask what I would like, then don't get it. If you ask, I will tell you something I think you might enjoy getting me b/c I would really like/want it (and it is in your general price range).
It seriously annoys me. H's grandparents are like that, we give a list of possible things for them to choose from.. This year I gave them copies of the target/sears registry to shop from plus a list of DVDs. Of course, they pick a shop vac H wants, but somehow it wasn't on the registry so they get a teeeeennnny one that is NOT what we want at all. Even though I know it is the wrong one, I have a feeling we're gonna have to take it back after Christmas b/c they don't want to bother with it since they already bought it.
I almost have decided to not give out lists at all and let them fend for themselves, but then we get total junk 90% of the time. I know that sounds bratty and unappreciative, but it's just the truth. I would prefer cash or gift cards to a pile of crap I have to get out of my house in a couple months.
I hate when people ask me what I want, actually. I'm uncomfortable telling someone to get me something specific, especially since then I have a good idea what I'm getting and what they spent.
I guess since you worded it in such a way as to make it clear that if they couldn't get you that specific item, you'd prefer a GC because you really wanted it, I wouldn't get you something different. In this case, I'd get you the GC if it was more than I wanted to spend. In general, though, I HAVE made substitutions with things that I thought were comparable (but maybe weren't to the recipient) and I never thought it was an issue until recently, when people pointed out how much work they put into their registries.
I always get people what they ask for too. It drove me crazy how many gifts we got that weren't on our registry. I only registered for stuff that we needed because we have such limited space, but it seemed like practically everyone ignored the registry and that's why the linen closet in the guest bathroom has a huge pasta bowl set, 12 martini glasses and glass ornaments I won't put on the tree because of the cat.
My mom is the only one who will flat out ask me what I want and I don't mind telling her what we really need. This year I told her if she wanted to do individual gifts, I really wanted a Visa gift card that I could use anywhere and H wanted speakers for his computer, or if she wanted to get us a combined gift, the pasta attachment for the Kitchenaid was a good idea.
Married / The Cookaholic Wife
I thought I was sounding ungrateful - thanks for letting me know I'm not.
Laura - I don't usually like making specific requests for the same reason, but our parents do usually prefer having ideas of what we want/need since they don't live with us and don't know our current preferences. Most times I make a general statement like I need a new coat or I'll give my mom a pic of something I like and she can substitute as necessary and I don't have a problem with it. But with a piece of furniture that is going to be in our house for (hopefully) years to come, I would have thought they'd be more conscientious about sticking with a specific request.
Nichole - one word for you...regift!
Susie - I think you did fine telling them what you wanted, how you said it. I completely understand that you wanted this specific item. FWIW, I got some off-registry things and I was pretty frustrated, and felt really ungrateful about it.
I don't think you're really being ungrateful. I mean, yeah, a gift is a gift and you should appreciate it, but I won't lie and say I'd be psyched to get flannel sheets instead of a nice high thread count set OR at least a less expensive GC to go toward a nice set. Flannel is not my ideal fabric to sleep on. Ick.
I also get irritated with people who don't buy what you asked for. Is that a bit greedy? Yeah. But what it comes down to - especially with registry items - is that they are things I did a lot of research on and put a lot of thought into (b/c that's just what I do when I buy things for myself) so yeah, I'm going to be a little disappointed and probably go through the hassle of returning the items and using the credit towards something else when you could have just gotten me a GC in the first place.
To Laura's point - if it's something that truly is comparable, just maybe not as pricey, I don't see a problem. It's when I want nice cotton sheets and you give me flannel. Or I want a set of measuring spoons on my registry that I need and you give me a fugly pewter decorative dish for my coffee table instead (I'm lookin' at you, H's aunt!)