April 2010 Weddings
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

My cousin's imploding marriage...

So, I got some sad news this weekend from my parents about my cousin and the fate of his marriage. For background, he is 1 1/2 younger than me (so he's 25, he'll be 26 in January) and he was married to his wife about a month after my wedding. She just turned 21 after they got married. This is his first really serious adult relationship. She was raised by a very strict preacher father and everyone thought she was marrying my cousin just to escape her family. But of course, no one could say anything to him, because he was in love!

 So it appeared that she had been having all kinds of health problems lately, seizures and not being able to be on her feet long and just not feeling well in general. It finally got so bad that he took her to the hospital last weekend, where they observed her for a couple nights and watched her have some of these seizures. Well it turns out that nothing medically is wrong with her and it was all in her head! Her body wasn't seizing, but she presented all the signs. The doctor's are convinced she's doing it to get attention. This past Friday it all got so bad that my cousin called her mom and told her mom to come get his wife and her clothes and get her out of the house. He asked his dad for advice and the gist of the conversation was if you're going to get out of the marriage, the sooner the better. He doesn't think he can deal with this among other things that she has done in the short time they have been married.

 I feel so bad for my cousin and was just hoping you girls could keep him in your thoughts. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for him right now. He has some money from his mother's parents and his house is paid for and I'm really afraid she is going to try to take a lot of this away from him because she has never had a full-time job and thus, no money. I also really hope that she can get some mental help counseling because she can't go on like this.  

 This also just hits so close to home that in a weird way it makes me feel so so so so lucky for my husband and our relationship. 

image
Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Re: My cousin's imploding marriage...

  • Wow!  This has to be just so heartbreaking for your cousin!  He'll be in my Ts & Ps.  Hopefully since the marriage was short she won't be able to get much.

    ~Melissa~
    Shmel's Blog
  • Yikes. I wonder what is going on and will keep them in my thoughts. Sounds like either (a) she is a vindictive crazy little brat, or (b) she really has some severe mental health issues that need to be addressed. If it's (b) - which is probably more likely - hopefully your cousin can stick it out until she gets the meds/help she needs. If she has a diagnosable mental health disorder, meds can stop the crazyness and save their marriage.
  • Oh, my!! I'm so sorry to hear about this. Lots of thoughts, prayers and hugs to your cousin and hopefully he can get this resolved as soon as possible.

    Since they haven't been married long, would this be grounds for annulment on the basis of his wife being mentally unstable? I'm just curious; I'm not sure how all of that works.

    Good luck to him, with the legalities of the issue as well as with the healing process of the brokenheartedness he must be going through!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagefestivegal2008:

    Oh, my!! I'm so sorry to hear about this. Lots of thoughts, prayers and hugs to your cousin and hopefully he can get this resolved as soon as possible.

    Since they haven't been married long, would this be grounds for annulment on the basis of his wife being mentally unstable? I'm just curious; I'm not sure how all of that works.

    Good luck to him, with the legalities of the issue as well as with the healing process of the brokenheartedness he must be going through!

     

    That's what I'm wondering, too. I would hope that's the case so there's not chance of her getting her hands on his money, but I don't know the law where he lives. 

     Rachel: I think this is really just the last straw in a string of things that she has done. She's really become a completely different person since almost the day they got married. She got a tattoo on their honeymoon (which he didn't see coming) and she's been acting like a spoiled brat. He went to a big event (a fly-in: gathering for small aircraft, like a festival and show all in one) to drum up business that he goes to every year and she came along this time. Then she threw a fit when she didn't get attention because he was networking. My dad even had to say something to her because she was being unreasonable. She apparently thought they were going on vacation. So this had just been building to the "seizures" and he's had it. If you knew my cousin at all you would understand how huge it was for him to kick her out of the house. That's so not his character.

    image
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I agree...what a sad state of affairs. I will definitely keep your cousin in my prayers. It's always hard when any marriage breaks up...as they all begin with such hope and promise. I applaud the young people for wanting to make a lifetime committment, but unfortunately, as in your cousin's wife's case, so many (for many reasons) aren't truly ready for it.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • It sounds like your cousin's wife has MAJOR mental problems and should be seeing a therapist ASAP.  It may be good for him to sit in with her in these therapy meetings to understand how this erratic behavior began.  It could be that she is just not mature enough, but this should have been blatantly obvious before they got married.  I'm inclined to agree with Rachel that he may not want to make any rash decisions without giving therapy a shot.  I do think they need to separate for a bit, but divorce is so expensive, time-consuming, and, frankly, depressing.  Lots of thoughts and prayers to them both!
    ~Margaret (and Nick)~
    Post-Wedding Life Blog!
    A10 Siggy Challenge: Next Vacation Destination: San Francisco!
    image
    image
  • Very sad. I would definitely look into the annulment asap. Hopefully it's not too late!
  • The annulment was my first though, hopefully that will work out for him.  And I hope that he comes out of this mentally fine as well, even if it takes a while, which I have no doubt that it will.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards