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Frustrated with SD's mom
Our visitation schedule is Mondays & Wednesdays from the time we get off work until about 8 pm then every other Saturday overnight and Sunday afternoons at her convenience.
OK so out of frustration I just kept typing and typing so here's my edit to make it shorter.
H and I have no problem switching nights when needed but her mom has been doing this "I need to switch" crap at the last possible minute for the last 3 weeks. I don't think a little notice is too much to ask - like today she said it's something to do with BM dress fittings - but those are by appointment. She could have told us this at least yesterday. If we're going to switch, that's fine; but we should be given some time to adjust our schedules as we work out/run on the nights we don't have her and get home later in the evening. Plus I plan my meals according to our schedule with Amanda so I can be sure to make bigger meals and make the things she likes.
It's just frustrating that she thinks it's ok to tell us at 4:00 pm that she's keeping her and we can have her the next day, and today was my breaking point. Rather than pulling this I don't see why she can't just tell her boss she needs to switch from Tuesday to Wednesday sice she's supposed to have her kid on Tuesdays. She doesn't seem to think that we have schedules too and if she'd just work with us a little we could all move along just fine. Thanks for letting me vent.
Re: Frustrated with SD's mom
Yeah Liz, I never say anything because I don't want to come off as the "trouble making current wife" and I don't want my SD to be put in the middle or to think that there's ugliness between her mom and I because there really isn't. I get along with her fine, but I just don't think it's fair that she is always doing this at the end of the work day for 3 weeks running.
I usually pick her up after work because Mike has a 40 mile drive each way and I'm home first, and I feel bad saying "I"m going to be late picking her up because I'm going to the gym," but what else am I supposed to do when I'm already AT the gym, beginning my work out, especially if he is already out running?? Or if I have something in the crock pot that she doesn't like because I'm thinking it's her mom's night to have her?
Cindy I get what you mean- I have had similar circumstances where the kids had to be dropped off last minute and I wasn't prepared for it. Since it's been a recurring problem the last few weeks I would definitely bring it up or have Mike bring it up. Once in a while if it happens sometimes it's just better to swallow your words of aggravation, realizing your place is better for Amanda to be. I'm sure you guys give her more stability and she will appreciate that as she gets older. She'll see that her mom isn't always having her best interests at heart, she has her own interests at heart.
I hope you can get something worked out where you get at least 24 hrs notice (which isn't much to ask!) if last minute changes are needed. GL!
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That is terrible Cindy, she is really taking advantage of you guys and to put you in such an awkward spot. I'm glad Amanda always has you guys to depend on though. It sounds like Mike needs to talk to his ex about this though, she can't keep taking advantage of you guys!
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Thanks! You know it's not so much if she needs to bring Amanda over all of a sudden - that's all fine and dandy; if I have something in the crock pot that she doesn't like she'll either have to eat leftovers from another night or Mike will get her a snack wrap meal from McDonald's or something.
There have been times where she'd pick her up on Monday night and say she & her mom (they work together) have a meeting Tuesday night & will be home late so can we pick her up and feed her dinner, and that's no problem at all because I know ahead of time to make something she likes and we can change our plans accordingly. It's when she tells us at 4:00 on Monday that we're gong to have her tomorrow instead of today, when Mike could've come home early and went running and I could have brought my gym clothes with me and worked out Monday instead. I usually pick her up since I work closer to home. She's at her grandparents until we pick her up so it's not like she's stranded at school, but I still feel bad picking her up late and usually I just skip working out and pick her up because I don't want her to think the gym is more important than she is.
I may just start working out on Mondays and have H pick her up on his long way home from work. I never minded doing it until her mom started pulling this last minute switcharoo on us. Maybe I'll start texting her on Sundays and asking if we'll be having Amanda the next day or if I should plan on cooking for 2 instead of 3.
Do you get the feeling that she is doing it on purpose? Maybe she thinks she can build some resentment in your SD when you guys have to pick her late so she feels not wanted? Or that you have to go out of your way to get her something to eat that she likes? That may not be the point, but it sure seems that way when she know things ahead of time but still waits to tell you guys.
Your H should definitely put his foot down because it's really not fair to anyone that she gets to say jump and you guys have to do it.