WWYD?

andrea3122 · December 2010

Hypothetically, you found a deal on a flight to CA for Christmas weekend. You really are missing your family and are sad you won't see them this year. You are thinking that it may be a good time to face your sister and try and move forward, starting the year fresh. If you go, you'll spend Christmas with them and your fabulous extended family, but will bail out on spending it with your husband and MIL. You'll miss your husband and will feel bad about cancelling on MIL. Her feelings will probably be hurt and you don't want to do that to her.

Or, do you put on your big girl panties, suck it up and continue with plans as they are and book a trip to go to CA early next year instead?

WWYD?

Rock-n-Voll · December 2010

It depends--do you really feel ready to deal with your sister and spend the holidays doing that? If so, I think it's a great step forward for all involved, but I'd hate to see you ruin your holiday if you're not truly ready to deal with it.

If you are ready, then my feeling on it is that family is really important and if there's any hope of mending bridges you should try to do it. Yes, it totally sucks to miss out on Christmas with your DH (can he not come too?) and MIL, but I'm sure that they'll understand why you need to do this.

megan0071234 · December 2010

If you don't think that facing your sister and all that comes with that will "ruin" the holiday/trip for you, then I think you should go. I don't think that I would choose a holiday to confront a situation like that, because if something doesn't work out, you will be really upset that you missed Christmas with your DH.

On the other hand, if you really miss your family and don't think that it is a bad idea, I think that one Christmas without DH prob isnt a huge deal and that he & MIL *hopefully* will understand.

Mrs.BoomBoom · December 2010

I have been away from DH on Christmas and never want to do it again.

andrea3122 · December 2010

I *think* I'm ready to deal with my sister head on. And I'm sad to be missing out on our large family gathering out there. And I haven't been out there since June and am genuinely sad that I won't be a part of our family's favorite holiday.

But T's brother and his wife will be with her family, leaving MIL on her own and I am already feeling guilty about abandoning my husband and her. He has to work so he wouldn't be able to get away. I am really looking forward to seeing our Boston friends and meeting some new babies.

I'm really torn. I'll probably suck it up and go to Boston as planned but spending Christmas day with T and Mil just doesn't compare to Christmas morning with my nephew and little cousins.

I hearby give myself the rest of the day to be bummed out and then I will snap out of it.

Rock-n-Voll · December 2010

Oh, I forgot about the Xmas in Boston aspect. Well in that case, you must not go to California! Wink

I kid, of course. Do you really think T and MIL will see it as "abandoning" them if you go to CA with the intent of trying to patch things up with your sister? I know if I were in this situation DH would encourage me to go.

Are there any other upcoming family GTGs?

wldktz10 · December 2010

There's a lot of good deals back and forth to CA after Christmas too (I'm going home in March (flying to Newark) for $280 with taxes/fees). I'm not sure I'd want to potentially ruin a holiday with stress (whether from the anticipation of dealing with things or from actually dealing with it). Maybe you can go a weekend after Christmas?

andrea3122 · December 2010

Rock-n-Voll:

Oh, I forgot about the Xmas in Boston aspect. Well in that case, you must not go to California!

I kid, of course. Do you really think T and MIL will see it as "abandoning" them if you go to CA with the intent of trying to patch things up with your sister? I know if I were in this situation DH would encourage me to go.

Are there any other upcoming family GTGs?

T will definitely tell me to go but I know that MIL will have her feelings hurt. I don't think she knows about the situation with my sister. The only people that knew anything about it were T and you girls.

I will get a trip booked for next spring. And hopefully we can GTG in Boston at some point.

abvernon · December 2010

Hmmm....well, I know you want to be with your family. What happens if you get so busy you don't talk to her? Yes, it can eat you up during the holidays but I do not think you want that added stress.

I say stay with T and MIL and book your trip out to CA for early spring. It is still early in 2011!! You will have time to think of what to say to your sister and hopefully get a resolution and move on.

I know it is hard to be away from family.

torylynn1 · December 2010

I think with all the history you've told us about your sis I'd want to wait until after Christmas. Make it your New Year's goal to reconnect with her-Which by the way, I think is great you want to do. I would have a lovely Christmas with your hubby and his family and then make time in 2011 to come out to CA to see them.

anneg · December 2010

my first reaction is christmas is a bad time to deal with all the stuff with your sister. i agree it would be nice to face your sister and deal with everything associated with her and have it all work out nicely and get to see all your family, but is that realistic? i think knowing all the other family is there can kind of be a dodge and allow you to not deal with your sister, which is okay but not your stated goal. the holidays have enough added pressure... i'd stick with your plans, celebrate w/ your husband and mil, and do your sister stuff on a different trip.

mellyjoy · December 2010

go to Ca.

StumpyG · December 2010

I don't know what the smarter decision is here (and yeah, holidays are maybe not the best time to deal with intense family stuff), but I think if it were me I'd go to CA. Let us know what you decide...

amyfelice · December 2010

I don't think you should go to CA during the holidays. For one thing it sounds like your DH and MIL will really be having an empty day without you there. IT sounds like "this party isn't good enough, I'm going to that one". Anwyay, I know it's your family but it just seems unkind to me.

Second if you are having problems with your sister and you try to work it out and it doesn't improve, that could be a really awkward time to be trying to do that. I think it would be better to send her a nice card saying that you are looking forward to working things out and it would nice to visit early next year for personal time with your family.

I seem to be in the minority here but that's for sure what I would do.

Passanie · December 2010

anneg:
my first reaction is christmas is a bad time to deal with all the stuff with your sister. i agree it would be nice to face your sister and deal with everything associated with her and have it all work out nicely and get to see all your family, but is that realistic? i think knowing all the other family is there can kind of be a dodge and allow you to not deal with your sister, which is okay but not your stated goal. the holidays have enough added pressure... i'd stick with your plans, celebrate w/ your husband and mil, and do your sister stuff on a different trip.

Well put. Hypothetically. Wink

hannikan · December 2010

amyfelice:
I seem to be in the minority here but that's for sure what I would do.

No, I think that's the majority opinion. Holidays are hard for me because I always prioritize my family first. But this is because ever since DH and I have been together someone in my family has a limited time left on Earth. First it was my dad with cancer and now my grandpa is pushing 90. He's healthy but time is not on his side. All of DH's grandparents are gone. Generally, we split up things so that we spend time with both families but only one family gets actual Christmas Day (and usually Christmas Eve, too). For a few years DH was bedbound himself and couldn't travel with me so I went alone. So we have spent a few Christmas Days apart but of course we still always celebrated it just on another day. Now we have someone in his family who is ill with cancer, his dad. So it is really important that we spend time with these folks while we can. In your case, it sounds more like wanting to see family who are very young experience their first Christmas. I can understand that, too. But you are much further away from your family than either of us are with ours, so you would be spending more time away from your DH. I would probably stay with your DH and see your family later in the winter. Anyway GL!

andrea3122 · December 2010

I really appreciate all of your advice. I decided to keep Christmas plans as they are and spend the holiday with my husband and MIL in Boston. We have wonderful friends there as well so we do have an extended "family" that I wasn't taking into account. I have spent too many holidays away from T throughout the years and would really miss him. I do agree that Christmas may not be the best time to deal with the big time emotional issues and it's probably better to get through the holidays and deal with those next year. I kind of liked having Christmas as a buffer though in case things went badly. I blame kayak for showing me such a cheap flight and causing me to question our plans.

Thank you for taking the time to help me out. And for being so wise as per usual.

WWYD?

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