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This just takes the cake...
My 73 year old MIL took a NASTY fall about 2 weeks ago. 6 cracked ribs, fractured vertebrae, and needed a breathing tube to assist in breathing for a while due to the pain from the ribs.
It was very touch and go for a while, but now she's been doing well, weaning off the respirator, etc...
Today,
they tell her that she is doing so well she should be able to move to
the rehab hospital soon. She said, no, i'm going to go home, my
insurance will provide in-home care. They said, no, that isn't
sufficient, you have to go to rehab.
She's understandably upset. I get that.
But
would you IGNORE your family that comes to visit? My SIL and I went in
at lunch today to visit, and she acted like we didn't exist. Wouldn't
look us in the eyes, just acted like she wished we weren't there, let us know how pissed off she is by ignoring us. Couldn't she summon an "I'm
upset, I'm tired, and don't feel much like visiting". No, nothing.
Really? I get it, I do, but that doesn't mean you can treat us like ***.
ETA: Backstory. She will go YEARS without talking to family. Like, she wasn't talking to her husband when he passed away of a heart attack in his sleep. You would think THAT would be a wake up call, but no. She stopped talking to my husband and I about a month later, this went on for a few years.
SIL that was there with me hasn't talked to her for over a year.
CRAZY family relationships...
Re: This just takes the cake...
You or your SIL could have said "You seem upset, would there be a better time for us to visit?". She's allowed to be a bit upset, she is not allowed to take it out on her family but I'd let this one go.
I edited to add some backstory.
I did try, by saying "You don't seem to want to talk today, are you tired?"... nothing. Just... nothing. so frustrating.
This. Don't ask her a question, she'll ignore you. Just tell her what you are doing and let her live with that.
FWIW, my mother, who is overly friendly, had a tragic incident a few months ago that landed her in the ICU. When she woke up, she was a nightmare to be around. She actually accused the nurse of stealing her underwear, lol! The ICU nurses said this was very common. My mother was not herself for about 7 - 10 days.
To me this sounds like she is trying to hide something.... dementia maybe... now... this is just an outsider's perspective and I don't have the details.
But there really isn't anything you can do but be there for your H.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Looking at this from someone in healthcare....
It is SO hard when people get older and they lose control of THEIR life. And she is. Her health is failing, she's facing her own mortality and decisions are essentially being made FOR her. This is a very difficult transition.
If someone came along and told you that you can't do this and this and you slowly lost all your freedoms and the right to make all your own decisions, wouldn't you be angry to?
I don't know all the family history here, but from my healthcare POV, you need to be more patient and understanding. Speak to the doctor about her seeing a counselor.
But don't take this personal...she's likely not angry with you, just at the situation.
Last updated 4/06/11
The woman just went through a huge ordeal and is facing really painful rehab because she's too ill to go home, like she wants. And you want her to make you feel appreciated or comfortable while you visit?
If she can't pull it together when she's well, I can't imagine why you'd expect her to pull it together under these conditions.
Thank you all. You are right, I should be more sensitive to how she's feeling. My other SIL reminded MIL today that they said ribs will take 6 - 8 weeks to heal, it's only been 2 weeks, she's making great progress, and all of this is just temporary. Asked her to try not to get too discouraged or depressed... she handled it well.
Thanks again.