Working Opposite Shifts

raineskyy · November 2010

We are newlyweds with a crappy sex life.

Actually our sex life was pretty crappy before we were married, but now it just plain sucks.

I work retail and I usually work the day shift 9am-7pm or so. He cleans operation rooms at night 5pm-3am

Therein lies the problem. We never see eachother.

On our days off we see eachother for a while, but that is usually when we get caught up on normal couple stuff- household stuff- talking about life. etc.

We usuaully aren't in the mood bc we know we have to do it or we won't get a chance too.. so it basically makes it suck

Any suggestions on how to make the situation work?

ender1568 · November 2010

Boy that does stink,

My wife and I had a similar situation for a while before she switched jobs. The only tip I would have is try to have offsetting days off. Like he has off Sat&Sun and you have off Mon&Tue. It kind of doesn't make sense I know but when we did it it allowed us to have 4 days in a row where we could at least spend some time together. We thought it was better than having the same two days off. Kept us from missing each other as much.

Good Luck!

jjdale288 · November 2010

My dh and I have the same problem. We are both registered nurses. I work 7-7 (rotating a couple weeks of days and then couple weeks of nights), and he works 1430-0100.

Luckily I only work three days a week and he works 4. We try and make the most out of our days off together, whether it's lunch together or watching a movie. Good Luck to you

benmel31 · November 2010

You are in a tough situation!

At this point, my suggestion would be to try to take advantage of the times when you are catching up on life. I think this is an important aspect of your time together! Plan to do all the life things, but also make times to play together. It will probably make the other things a little more enjoyable after having some time together!

Good luck!

raineskyy · November 2010

He always has sat & sun off bc they dont' do surgeries those days. I usually have tuesdays off bc all the other managers work then, but the other day is always different- but usually not the weekends being in retail.

I want to take advantage of the times we have for that, but like i said it feels like we have to.. so the mood isn't there. so it isn't as fun.

We each talked about changing shifts- but neither of us will make the money we do if we switch.

bebe11 · November 2010

I work 8-5pm Mon-Friday at an office and my dh works 5pm-5am as a police officer and gets home sometimes after I leave for work and leaves before I get home... He works 3-4 days a week and sometimes when he gets home from work before I leave for work we take a few minutes to mess around, and when we actually get to sleep together at night. You just have to make the time and make it a priority. Even if it is a quicky in the shower, just to keep the connection!

AggieKim · November 2010

My DH and I have been through opposite shifts over and over. We handled it by doing our best to schedule our days off together. Also, if I was off and he wasn't, I'd go to sleep early with him and get up early (just sleeping together during that time made me feel closer to him) and he would do the same. Or, instead of sleep earlier, I'd stay up later, and he'd do the same. There is a little bit of being tired, but we thought that sacrifice of sleepiness was ok since we got to see each other. And we were VERY opposite. I was going to school, 8amish to 5pmish, he was at work 6pm to 6am. Then I started working nights, 7pm to 7am, and he started school 8amish to 5pmish, then he got a job and part of training had him on 7am to 7pm, exactly opposite of me. We've stabilized, but that is also because we made it a big deal to try to get similar shifts. I have my name down to move to day shift already and keep turning it down, but it is just in case I need to move to be able to be with him. My job is easier to maneuver than his. He is a police officer so his schedules are more out of his control. I'm a nurse and lucky enough to be self scheduled full time, so I am the one who does most of the switching. But I find it important to do so.

JAF squared · November 2010

I totally know the feeling! I work 10:00pm to 8:00am and when he works, it is daytime hours. on the days that I work, I can easily sleep until it is time to get up and make dinner. It really sucks. We are actually making a move in both location and carreer so we can start making our relationship a priorety. We actually just made love for the first time in 3-4 weeks today, and we have only been married 4 months and ten days. I HATE it, and it does not seem to bother him as much. I have an almost insacaiable sex drive compared to him who is usally good every couple of days. This whole thing is going to take some work, and we are willing to put in the time. We are getting jobs where we can work the same hours and have the same time off every week. We should be about = in energy level and hopefully in household duties (still working on that) while paying off debt.

TheDjsWife1020 · December 2010

My husband and I work different shifts as well. I work from 7am-3:30pm M-F and he works 3:30pm - 12:00am M-F. Than on the first of the month through the weekend he works from 8pm - 5am and switches back to his second shift time. Also during busy wedding seasson we both work part time jobs. We just try and make time during the weekends for each other as much as we can.

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