Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
A question about drinking?
Ok I want to know how many drinks do you have to drink in order for others to smell it on you? If they can smell it can you still be ok to drive. I don't drink and my husband only drinks every now and then and I can only smell it on him when he kisses me. So I own a daycare and one of the moms picks up her kid at least once a week smelling like beer from 3ft away. Is it normal to be able to smell the beer on her or does this mean she has had to much. She also shares custody of her son with his grandparents (who pay me) so should I tell them she picks him up like this or maybe she has just had one before coming to get him and it is no big deal.
Re: A question about drinking?
I can smell beer on my DH after he had a LOT of beers. After one or two - I can't smell it. But then again, I drink beer too, so maybe I just can't tell.
However, I find it hard to believe that if a person smells like beer from 3 feet away, that they are o.k. to drive.
Yes, I would tell someone or call the cops. That child's life is in danger every time he is in the car w/ his mom.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You need to tell the grandparents. If they seem nonchalant about it then call DSS/CPS because that lady should not be driving let alone with a child. If it was me, if she came to pick her kid up again smelling like she's had any, I would not allow her child to leave and I would call the cops and let them know she's driving under the influence.
Not sure if it was national or just local news but in the last few years there's been quite a few news stories about moms driving under the influence with their kids and having accidents. (alot of them the kids didn't survive)
I pick up my DD from child care every day and if the director or child care workers wondered about the safety of my child when I drive away, I would ABSOLUTELY want them to address it with me. I completely trust their judgement while I am away, and if I was drinking enough to smell of beer while driving, I would NEED them to do some parent engagment.
You smell alcohol and you can't wish that away. You wonder if the kids are okay in her car. Those are facts and asking her to come a bit early at today's pick-up is a necessity. I had a co-worker who had very stinky breath and it made me wonder if she was drinking. She wasn't, so these things DO happen. But if she is drinking enough before she plans to pick up and drive her child, then she is drinking enough to not only have it on her breath but to have it coming off her skin and pours. That's significant.
Tell her your observations and conserns and talk frankly about a safety plans if she appears too intoxicated to drive the kids home. Those are reasonable things. Her reaction will inform your next steps. If she's surprised and embarrassed and willing to discuss it, then that's the direction you take. Maybe she works in a bar or cleans up in one. If she'd beligerant and defensive, then that's the direction. If she yells and screams and pulls her child from care and threatens you and your staff, well then that's a huge red flag and as a mandated reporter requires a report to CPS.
As a child care provider you have every right to say that you will not release a child to a parent who smells of alcohol who is driving. Period. Any parent would respect that, even one in the throws of an alcohol addiction.
The only other way you'd be able to smell it on her was if she spilled some on herself at work. Do you know what she does for a living?
Regardless, you've got a valid concern and I would discuss it with the grandparents or call the police the next time.
Could you possibly put out a memo to everyone that says something like "We encourage everyone to enjoy the holiday season with good cheer and merry-making. However, if the staff suspect that you are under the influence of alcohol and are too impaired to drive, we cannot release your child into your care and will have to contact someone else to pick them up." That way, it isn't like you're singling out one person and may have an effect on others that are considering having a drink before picking up their child.
An American Girl's Travels
It's better to say something and potentially be wrong/a little embarrassed, than to keep your mouth shut and have something horrible happen.
But, if you can smell beer on her, especially if you're not standing right next to her, I'd be willing to bet that you are absolutely not wrong. And you should never be embarrassed for looking out for a child's safety.
She doesn't have custody for a reason. Maybe she has a history of substance abuse. Who has a beer before picking their child up, which I assume is before 6 or so? She only has the child two days a week and can't refrain from driniking those two days? That seems like a problem as does her downward spiral. There might already be suspicions on the grandparents part. I would tell them ASAP.
I hate the smell of beer so I can usually smell it on my husband pretty easily. That said, it's usually only when he breathes on me, not just when he's a few feet away. One thing to make sure of, are you sure it's beer and not some god-awful perfume or something? I've noticed some women seem to prefer perfume that makes them smell like dog poop.
I would bring it up to the grandparents on one of the days they pick her up. They are more likely to be level headed about the issue since they won't feel personally attacked, and I'm sure they would want to know if their grandchild might be in trouble, even if it turns out you are totally mistaken. They have known their daughter her whole life, and they should be better able to deal with her than you.
fyi, diabetics in ketoacidosis can also have alcoholic smelling breath.
if this is happening regularly, then it is likely it is alcohol, but just food for thought...
I agree with all of this. Drinking the afternoon is never a good sign of one's judgement anyway. Let the grandparents know.
In all honesty, you should contact the grandparents... if nothing happens, call the police. It doesn't really matter how much one drinks, it still impairs your judgement... hence the reason it's called impaired driving. Even just one can do this. Not only is this woman putting her child at risk, but also all of those that share the road. It would not only affect her family, but many other families.
Please don't wait on it...
What if she is too drunk to drive? What if you do/say nothing? What if she picks up the kid and 5 minutes later gets in an accident and kills everyone in the car?
Will you ever sleep at night again?
Talk to the grandparents and express your concerns. ASAP.
I had somewhat similar issues with my kids and my ex. He was an alcoholic/pill popper and I didn't want my kids going with him if he came to daycare to pick them up and had been drinking. The daycare my kids were in told me that Michigan law says they have to release the kids to him no matter what, (either parent, technically) and that if they suspect foul play of any sort, they are to call the police and alert them. The only way they were allowed to deny him taking the kids were with a court order,or they could get into trouble with their licensing. I was finally able to get supervised visitation for him, and only after giving them copies of the paperwork from the court did my daycare agree that if he comes, they would bring the kids into another part of the center and call the police, rather than release them to him, and then call the police. This is in Michigan, your state may be very different, but if I were you I would call CPS and ask what you can and can't do. Then call the grandparents and alert them to your suspicions. And for all I know my daycare was taking the easy way out and not wanting to get involved, but it would be a good idea to find out where the law stands on it all.