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question about physical abuse (not me!!)
This is sort of a follow-up to the post below about my parents' divorce.
My step-dad has always been a liar, cheater, and overall deceitful guy, but after 17 years of knowing him I have never once seen him raise his voice or lose his temper. I lived with him for 6 years, so I feel like I know him as well as I can despite his lies.
My mom and him are currently divorcing, and they are both letting everyone know all the gory details. They are both also exaggerating to make themselves look innocent and to make each other into the "bad guy."
My mom confessed to my grandma today that recently he has hit her twice, and kicked her once. Her divorce lawyer told her to file a police report, but she said she "can't do that to him."
Honestly, part of me thinks she is making this up. She is paranoid that our family will take his side, I know she has exaggerated before, and even though he is a liar I can't imagine him physically abusing her.
So the question is, would/could a 55 year old man with absolutely no history of violence resort to this? I know this is a hypothetical question since none of you know him, but how likely is it that he would just start hitting her after never doing anything like that before?
Thanks again for reading this and for your thoughts.
Re: question about physical abuse (not me!!)
One never knows...and I'm sorry for your troubles.
Hope you're getting some type of therapy. What a tremendously unhealthy atmosphere for you to spend time in.
There isn't anything you can do; even if it is true, she is reluctant to make this a legal matter. And if either or both of you tries to drag you in and take their side, kindly demur. Never get involved in anybody's divorce, even if it is a parent's. GL.
My mom's second husband was verbally abusive bordering on physical and my sister is in an abusive marriage now, so here's my take...
Yes. Part of an abuser's MO is that they're very charming/normal to everyone but their spouse. They use the "nobody will believe you" bit as a means of control. Just because you lived there and didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Her reluctance to press charges isn't abnormal, either. It's not necessarily a sign that she's making it up.
The thing about domestic abuse is that the abuser often doesn't have a record of physical violence, that's one of the ways they get away with it. They are fine, upstanding citizens who don't have so much as a parking ticket, and they learn how to hit in a way that doesn't leave marks. And their victim covers for them, doesn't want to hurt them by pressing charges, claims they walked into a door, etc.
Yes, your mom could be making it up since she is prone to drama but it could be the truth too.