Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
FIL just moved in
Help! My (handicapped) FIL just moved in with us. We have only been married 5 months and having him here is stressing me out!! There's not much we can do about it right now, but any suggestions to make it better??
Re: FIL just moved in
Was this okay with you, also? Was this topic discussed throughly by you and him before the dad moved in? Did you both come to an amicable agreement?
If not, not good. Start getting on the same page, the both of you, and open up COMMUNICATION. You and he need to start making decisions as a team.
Did you and he also discuss how decisions would be made after you were married, when you were engaged? Willing to bet the answer was no.
What I suggest:
How able is your FIL? Perhaps he can get an assisted living quarters or have a live in companion stay with him -- and if he's completely able, why can't he get his own place? A studio apartment or a one bedroom apartment will do, and if he's on a fixed income, there is low-income housing or subsidized housing; speak to a social worker about both --- your town should have a social worker also.
YOu also posted this:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/45060608.aspx
YOu and he are already on shaky ground and you've only been married a handful of months.
If your FIL is able, he can get his own place -- is he getting SSI? Is he working still? We need more backstory.
If he's still fully employed or partially employed, he's able -- and he can get his own apartment, even if it's a studio or a one bedroom apt. There's no need for him to live with you, in that case, and I'd put my foot down and tell your H -- and his dad -- exactly that.
And if your FIL is a gentleman and has sense, he will very graciously thank you for your hospitality, find his own place and move out.
I'll also bet there has been no discussion between you and your H and your FIL: are there house rules for FIL? Will he pay you room and board? How long will he be staying? That's to name a few.
Ukyankee made an excellent point -- and if your FIL is challenged to the point where he needs constant care, please discuss this with your H throughly. Being the primary care giver for a relative is stressful and taxing.
Funny thing...her H wants to be one.
*sigh*
Bottom line: FIL is able enough to live on his own? Your H should have told his dad no and his father should have been fine with that.
And YOU should have said no to this if his dad is self sufficient. And if your H got pissed off at that, wow, you've got a great many more problems than having his father live with you.
Oh lord.... between this and your last post.... I am really going to advocate for marriage counseling IMMEDIATELY. Seriously your last post about your H hating your family, then the FIL moving in with you..... your marriage is already in trouble.
You and your H need to be on the same page. Is the FIL moving in with you a temporary thing? Is there a date set where you both agreed he would be out? If not.... you and your H need to sit down and iron out the details..... NOW.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
We've got no other details except He moved in and Now he's on my nerves.
And to the OP: Challenged is the preferred term. Not handicapped.