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Married very soon!
Hey ladies!
My fiance and I are getting married very soon and we are both virgins. I know many of you disagree with that philosophy, and I'm not trying to put down your decisions in any way. This is simply a choice we have made for our lives, based on religious and personal preferences. But we are sure looking forward to sex 
Just wondering if any of you had advice for the first night/honeymoon. I've read and heard all the "take it slow" stuff and that's totally great. (Don't know how slow he'll be able to take it to be perfectly honest after 20+ years of no sex, but he wants to do his best!)
He has expressed concern about hurting me and is worried about that. I just don't want the whole experience to be horribly awkward although I do understand that real life isn't like the movies! 
Anyway, any nitty gritty details that I need to expect/know? Thanks!!
Re: Married very soon!
Hi
I was a virgin before marriage too, probably for similiar reasons. My advice is this:
1. Its awkward, and not always romantic. Thats okay.
2. It WILL hurt the first time -- a lot of girls I know even cry. It takes a time or two of stretching before it works super well.
3. Foreplay...it helps get you ready, but it won't be automatic for your husband
4. If you havent already, look up keigal exercises...they help the working of those muscles, plus they help with the enjoyment of it for both of you.
5. Oh, have kleenex, or toilet paper, or a bathroom nearby. IF either of you "come", it will be messy. The first time or two you may bleed also.
6. Relax! So important!
Hope everything goes well!
Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I was also a virgin when I got married, DH was not.
The best way I can describe my first time was uncomfortable. For me there wasn't alot of pain, just a little. It actually took a few times before I really relaxed and enjoyed sex. So try to relax your muscles and don't be too tense. Lots of foreplay and maybe some lube will also help. I also was not expecting the "mess". So as PP stated, be prepared for a little clean up. Again, just try to relax and enjoy your wedding night!
i highly suggest having him take care of himself at some point, whether a couple of days before or the day of (if possible, though likely too busy). that way he has a better chance of lasting longer so that both of you can get your bearings. otherwise, he could be done in 3 pumps before either of you really had a chance to know what was going on.
other than that, i have no advice. though, i'm not sure why everyone thinks that it will be ackward simply because you've waited. thinking back, i can't recall a first time with any guy i was with as being 100% comfortable. there's always a certain amount of ackwardness the first time with someone, whether it's your actual first or not. but maybe that was just me?
This, but I was prepared and had brought a towel. It definitely is not the movies. It's good that you and your FI are able to have honest conversations about each of your expectations for the wedding night and honeymoon. Something that put it all into even better perspective for us was reading the book Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman together (out loud) on our honeymoon. You may be thinking "What? Read a book on our honeymoon?!" Trust me: This is not your normal book, and it will probably give you each more understanding and confidence in the bedroom. HTH! :-)
My DH and I were each others firsts. Here's my experience:
Our first time, he tried, but when I started crying, he stopped. It does hurt to break the hymen. The next day, I said "just do it". I knew it would hurt that time, but it needed to be done. Was uncomfortable the next couple of times too.
After that, it took a little practice to get into the rhythym, but now it's awesome.
So, I guess to sum up: the first time it will probably hurt (some girls it doesn't), but if you are planning on having sex in your marriage, it's just something that needs to be done. I know it's a little crass, but true.
Eh. The first time stuff is a valid question and is something to know whether the first time is after marriage or in college.
1. Buy lube, and test it on your inner labia before the wedding. The lube helps with any discomfort, and the allergy test beforehand is because you don't want an itchy vag to be any part of your first time.
2. If it hurts (and when it does, really, it's no biggie - about 10 times less painful than a stubbed toe), you'll instinctively want to stay still and have him stay still until the pain subsides. Don't. Have him thrust slowly and move the lube around, and the pain will recede quickly.
3. Don't be alarmed if sex isn't instinctive at all. I have no idea how cavepeople figured out what goes where, it's so noninstinctive. But that's fairly common, and nothing to worry about.
Pee after sex to avoid a UTI. Consider taking cranberry pills beforehand as well.
If you don't already, masturbate. Figure out what feels good to you so that you can tell/show him.
Lube lube lube.
Sex is messy, there will be strange and hilarious/gross noises, you will get sweaty, etc.
Try different positions, it doesnt have to be all missionary all the time. Some might feel way better to you and you can get off much easier.
I was also a virgin before marriage, my husband was not but he may as well have been since he waited for the 4 and a half years before we got married.
Just wanted to commend you on waiting, as I know it is no easy task!
All of the advice above is good and most importantly RELAX! You have the rest of your lives to perfect your sex life together.
Yes, as others said the honeymoon is not all about sex but come on, if you waited this long.........there will probably be a lot of it so lube is a must!
But let him know if you can't handle anymore. haha
This.
Also, RELAX! Do whatever you need to do...take a hot bath (together is even better), give each other a massage, and try to stay relaxed. The first time can be a little painful, but like Kuus said, it's really not a big deal and if it does hurt, it's brief.
Lots of foreplay will get you more aroused, making it a lot easier to have an orgasm. Be honest and tell him what feels good.
If it's not spectacular the first time, don't worry. Practice makes perfect and it definitely gets better and better.
Congrats on the wedding and for waiting so long!
My husband and I were each other's first and, although we didn't wait until we were married, we were way older than average for first-timers. I've heard that doing it in the bathtub makes the first time easier, but I think that requires more coordination than we were able to muster at that point.
One unexpected thing I've really enjoyed is the fact that we're figuring out sex together. Neither of us had any prior experience, so both of us were nervous and excited. It made me more comfortable for us to talk about our concerns and the fact that we were both nervous beforehand (like, a week before, not 10min before).
Practical stuff: Pee afterwards and don't be surprised if you get a UTI. If you have a primary care doc or GYN, you may want to check in with him/her not too long before your wedding. If you don't know yet, ask him/her (during your pelvic exam) if you still have an intact hymen; some women don't, even if they're virgins, and it'll be more uncomfortable if your hymen isn't intact. Ask about birth control, and ask if your doc is okay with calling in a prescription for antibiotics if you develop a UTI on your honeymoon (it's a great way to ruin a fun trip, and some docs will call in a rx for you).
Also, bring lots of extra underwear (not just cute stuff) and consider bringing panty liners. I got this piece of advice from a friend for my first time and was SO glad I did. I bled a lot the first time, and a little bit the next couple times. My first time hurt, a LOT, and I was still sore the next day (ended up taking ibuprofen). Having my now-husband go slow helped a great deal but it still hurt. The second time was just vaguely uncomfortable (rather than painful) and the third time wasn't painful at all. Just know that, if it's painful, it will get better quickly, but it may take a few times.
Congratulations on your wedding.
Thanks for all the replies! I really appreciate your responses
DH and I were virgins before we got married too, and I'm so glad we were. The key for us was to not be afraid to try new things and to take it slow. Yes it will hurt the first time and yes it will be messy (still is for us sometimes over a year later). My aunt bought us the book "The Good Sex Bible". Answers every question you could ever have about sex. We didn't read it cover to cover, but use it as a reference.
I also wanted to tell you not to feel like a failure if you don't abundent amounts of sex on your honeymoon. I know this might seem shocking, but we didn't and we had waited until marriage as well. Part of it was exhaustion from all of the activities we did on our honeymoon, but part of it was also just not being able to do it that often (but every couple's different). Just relax and let it happen. Don't feel like you have to do it a certain amount of times just because you're on your honeymoon. You have the rest of your life.
H & I were each others firsts and we waited for marriage as well.
All the advice that you've gotten is good.
http://themarriagebed.com/ is a website that I found when I was engaged and it was a big help to me and my now H.
DH and I were both virgins until our wedding night, as well. :]
Communication is key. Don't be afraid to tell him what hurts, as well as what feels good. Also, don't be afraid to laugh. Sex, at first, is awkward and as much as people say that it's a natural thing, it really takes some practice to make everything work exactly the way it's supposed to. Everyone else had great advice; Lube is definitely important, but I would suggest starting with something very basic. When your body isn't used to it, all that rubbing can cause some serious irritation, especially if you have sensitive skin, and complicated lubes can make that irritation worse.
And definitely, definitely pay attention to peeing right after sex. Going beforehand will help with preventing a UTI, but is not as necessary as going afterward.
I haven't read the other responses yet but:
-Don't be disappointed if your first time isn't amazing, it might not be, it probably won't be, but it gets better!
-Lube is your friend, have him go into you slowly, if it's difficult add some lube. it's easiest to actually guide him in with your own hand, especially if you're both new at this.
-try different positions.
-It might hurt. For me it didn't the first time but only because I had done other things before hand (fingers and whatnot).
-It will most likely bleed, this is normal.
-pee afterwards to help prevent UTI's
-If he comes inside you (without a condom) it is messy, this is also normal, have a kleenex ready or have him get you one afterwards so that you can clean up a bit and then head to the washroom...when you get back that's when you can cuddle:)
Have fun! and Congrats on your soon to be marriage:)
This.
Have you guys spent lots of time doing other things? You might be pleasantly surprised. My first time didn't hurt a bit and I also didn't bleed. It's different for everyone though, and the ladies on this board have given you great advice and tips on how you can make it a nice first time for both of you.
Relax, enjoy & congrats!
Expect the unexpected. Cliched in a lot of ways, but true! We had a general plan for our wedding night, but it really didn't happen that way, and that was totally fine. We weren't actually able to manage intercourse until two days after our wedding (though we'd planned on it for the wedding night). I don't even remember all the whys of that.
Spend lots of time naked together on the honeymoon! It wasn't morning to evening sex by any means, but whenever we had the chance, we got naked. It's a really good thing for the honeymoon. We watched movies together, played video games together, etc. You don't have to spend all of the time doing lying in bed or whatnot.
I second one of the above recommendations for the Marriage Bed. Great site, good forums there - lots of helpful info.
Unrefined coconut oil is our lube of choice still. Way more cost effective even when you get the unrefined stuff than any of the standard lubes out there - plus you can cook with it! If you don't like the smell of coconut, get the refined stuff, though that takes out the health benefits for cooking. Also, if you're using condoms, you can't use it. (We can't stand the notion of condoms in our marriage bed, so we don't use 'em.)
I thought "Sheet Music" was an okay book. I didn't find it very helpful. I preferred "Intended for Pleasure" by Ed Wheat. Long on anatomy stuff (my husband went through sex ed thrice while in school and still needed to brush up on things, especially related to women!) and has the sort of information that's helpful to refer back to throughout a marriage. I don't agree with everything in there (they recommend avoiding oral sex, for example) but for technical stuff, it's a great reference tool.
The good thing about "Sheet Music" is that it makes a great argument for the importance of sex to marriage. It's glue - don't ever forget that. Be a generous wife to your husband (and he should do likewise). When each individual seeks the other's pleasure first, sex gets ever so much better.
I agree two virgins marrying is best. Just have reasonable expectations that's all.
I'm impressed that unlike most virgins you made it a statement. There have been some virgin braggarts here that are real turnoff telling us how wonderful and special they are.
No. We have really avoided the whole sexual scene, including masturbation. It will definitely be a learning experience, to say the least!
But we both know to expect that!
Thank you all so much for all the advice and all of your input. I also appreciate your congratulations! We are so excited to be married!
Ummm- I would not try to do it in the bath because the water may dry you out and make him - what is the word - less pliable?
If you don't take time to masturbate, or do things other than sex, than I would definitely take things easy, be relaxed, don't put any pressure on yourself and be ready for any problems that might arise. So, reading up on how things work (and what may be the problem when things go wrong - like vagismus), is a good idea, but I would NOT take any advice that does not recommend oral sex - especially for women. Many women orgasm exclusively - or most easily - through oral sex. I'd START there to make sure you are ready for penetration, but I understand that oral sex is not (initially?) for everyone.
Definitely definitely ask if you can have a prescription pre-written for UTI antibiotics. And then you might even need a prescription in case you get a yeast infection from that! If you do get a UTI drink lots of water. Seriously. It may seem counter-intuitive, but it will flush you out and make you feel so much better
And if you can't tell, this is from personal experience 
One thing that I noticed the first times during sex was that I always felt like I had to pee (even though I just went- which you need to do). It went away, and I think it's because I was able to relax fully.
Speaking of relaxing, I always take a few minutes to myself before sex. To go to the bathroom, freshen up, get in the right mindset. This doesn't ruin the spontaneity, it just enhances the experience. Also, I always like to have music playing. We're women, not just women- wives, we are the reigning multi-taskers, but music seems to be the thing that keeps all the other little outside noises/distractions from getting in my thought process. With just DH and music I can really relax and enjoy how great sex is.
And it will be, it just takes time and experimentation. Sex is a gift, enjoy it! And congratulations!
Honestly, it didn't hurt at all my first time. It just felt... strange. It was awkward, and I was really tense. However, when we tried again, it did hurt because I was sore. Just go slow and try to relax. And remember, it will get better with time
We were both virgins, too. It was painful. Here is some advice:
First and foremost: ASTROGLIDE! It eases the pain. If you use regular lotion you could both get a yeast infection from it. Water based lubricant is your FRIEND!
This is going to be like TMI, but seriously, masturbate regularly before hand. It helps you relax and know what you like.
Last, he's going to be done in like 35 seconds. That's normal. Don't get upset about it. Makes for plenty of time to make up for later.
For me, and many others, a little vibrator can be a very fun experience to help both of you relax and get yourself into each other.
Good luck and congratulations!
224 Ready to Celebrate