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Naming Grandparents
I know this is a personal decision but I want an outsiders point of view.
Most of you know that my mother passed away years ago. My father has since remarried to a woman named Jean. I think my mother would be called Grammy (Daddy is Grampy). My niece calls Jean, Jean. My nephew calls her Grammy (he is 10 so I feel like he is old enough to decide what he wants to call her.) I've mentioned to Seth that we might want to have Abe call her something other than Jean since she is a grandmother figure and she loves him dearly. He says no because my mother would be his grandmother. She sent Abe a Xmas card signed, Grampy and Grammie. I'm starting to think that it is unfair to deny Jean the title of Grammie because my mother died 11 years ago.
Like I said, I know this is personal but I'm wondering if any of you have had to deal with this or what you think.
Re: Naming Grandparents
This - well said Megan!
I would agree with Megan. I think it's all personal choice. We have lots of divorce on my mom's side (my Nana was married 4 times and divorced 4 times)
So my mom's mom is Nana. My mom's bio-dad was a drunk so Nana divorced him and married Grampy Campbell. He adopted my mom and her two brothers. Nana divorced and married Butch, then divorced and married Grampy Nash. They divorced but still hang out.
Grampy Campbell remarried and we have always called her by her name, Connie.
My father's mother is Grammie. She divorced my dad's bio-dad and married Pinky. They divorced and Grammie is now living with/dating my dad's bio-dad, Grampy Mathews.
In the interim, Grampy Mathews married Helen and that is what we always called her. She was a biotch though.
We never had a Mimi as kids but my mom is Mimi to Taylor and my niece Emily. She is also Mimi to my brother's ex-wife's eldest daughter and youngest daughter.
So I think that it's all going to be what you, your familly and abe are comfortable with. And who said it has to be a traditional thing? Maybe just a fun nickname! (wow, that was longer than I intended, lol)
It's a personal decision but my thinking aligns with Megan's. We don't have any divorces among our parents but my Grammy had two men she referred to as Dad. The first was her biological father, who died when my Great-Grammy was pregnant with Grammy. The second was her stepfather, who Great-Grammy married when Grammy was a toddler. My Great-Grampy never adopted Grammy and her siblings but they called him Dad and he was known as Grampy to my mom and her sisters and cousins. It can be a bit confusing when Grammy refers to "Dad" and it's not immediately obvious whether she's talking about her biological dad or stepdad. But, as she puts it, both men were her fathers, just in different ways; in her mind, because they were both fathers, they deserve the same title of "Dad."
I completely agree with this.
OMG I don't know how you can keep all that straight!
I don't have any deaths or remarriages in my immediate family, but Helen has a Grandma and Grandpa on each side of the family. Calling DH's mom "grandma" doesn't mean my mom isn't also her grandma, KWIM?
I agree with Megan.
Abe will have a realtionship with Jean and she will love him unconditionally. He may make up his own name for her. We thought that my MIL was going to be Grams to my neice Chloe and she is now Mimi.
I have 3 uncles, but my mother only has 2 brothers. The third uncle is a cousin of my moms, my grandmother's sister had a son and didn't want to have anything to do with him... my grandmother was 10 when Bobby was born, so he lived with my great grandfather until my gram married her first husband and they adopted my uncle. From that point on, Bobby called my Gram, Ma (like all her kids did), and her husband Dad. My gram had two sons and her husband passed away when my Uncle Tim was young. She remarried and had my mom. The boys never called my Grampy Dad, but when my Uncle Tim had a daughter, she called him Grampy and I never even knew until I was much older that my Grampy isn't "technically" her Grampy... I actually never really put 2 and 2 together until a couple of weeks ago when my mom made a comment about it and I had to remind her that he is the only Grampy she ever had (her mom's dad was her Pepe)
So long story short, Jean will be the only Grammie that Abe has on your side of the family, and I don't think she should be denied that relationship and title. I think if you honor your mom and Abe knows that while Jean is not your mom, she is still an important member of the family and his Grammie.
I agree with Megan (and all the reposts of hers), and I think most of all its up to you. If you feel that she is important as your dad's new wife and that she will love Abe like a Grandmother even though you are not her daughter, than Grammie is perfect. I guess it would depend, if you didn't like her and didn't want her taking your mom's place, that would be different.
I agree with this. I have 3 to deal with, my mom, MIL, and my step-mom. This is what we do so that we don't offend anyone, and it gives them each a title.
My mom - Meme`
MIL - Nana
Step-mother - Grammy
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware; joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. -Henry Miller
http://cookthehumbletable.blogspot.com/
I'll join the chorus in agreeing with Megan....but how do you feel about it?
MH's parents are divorced, and oddly enough, it's only his two step-parents who have traditional grandparent names. My mom and dad are Amma & Pop, MIL is Inny, and FIL is Grumps. SMIL is Grandma and SFIL is Grandpa Bruce (shortened to G.B.) We let them all choose what they wanted to be called, and that's how it wound up.