Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Lost in the Moment
I am a married women who has been meeting another married man for sexual desires that my husband can not give me. Instead of it being the male that instigates everything I know what I want to do to him but the moment he touches me its like I just melt and get lost in the moment. Don't get me wrong the sexual experiences are fantastic but I feel I need to do lots more. What do I do to overcome this?
Re: Lost in the Moment
Rhonda,..as a man I understand your post and sympathise with your situation,...however, I have to warn you that you will only get a severe bashing on this forum as the women here are all playing 'happy families', only have sex with their husbands, are perfect in the sight of God and leave no odour when they use the toilet,..... As such they have no time or understanding for anyone who finds themselves in an unconventional sexual relationship through neccessity like yourself. 'MUD' means 'made up drama',...so draw your own conclusions.
When with your partner you could try taking it in turns to be the active partner on some ocaisions,..that would give you the chance to develop your ideas and i'm sure he will enjoy it!......Good luck and congratulations on your courage, bye the way!
As perviously stated, this website is mostly made up of women who strive to better their commited relationships. Your post may be somewhat bashed because it comes across as you cheating on your husband. I don't know what kind of agreement you may have with your husband, and that is your business. I just want to point out that while the women on this site will tell it how they see it, I don't think it always means they are saying that they are perfect and your post shows that you are not. Any "bashing" you may get is just posters being honest (perhaps harshly honest) about a conflict of moral beliefs.
But to answer your question, I agree with the advice that pp gave. Also, if this relationship is new it may just take some time for you to get over the initial overwhelming lust and excitement of the situation and be able to take more control over the situation. GL
i'm side eyeing all the way.
my life isn't perfect, nor is my marriage. but cheating should never be an option.
You say your marriage isn't perfect, well mine is perfect apart from my sexual desires. You can not tell me that you haven't looked or fantasised over another male. Besides if you read my first reply you would see the reason why I have looked elsewhere to forefill my sexual desires. People like you who sit back and criticise others for doing something like cheating are only jealsous that they have not got the guts to do it and like walking around frustrated, that is probably why your marriage isn't perfect. In my case I think that I deserve to have my sexual desires taken care off so before you judge me make sure your own sexual desires are taken care of by your husband.
Oldbugle and Rhonda, are you guys freaking serious? I really hope your questions and replies are MUD.
Oldbugle, I'm not sure what you've been reading on this site, but I must've missed it. I don't think women on here act like they are better than anyone. They tell it like it is, but isn't the point of posting questions so you can get unbiased advice?
And I just love how you both are hating on people who don't cheat and criticize us because we don't approve of it. When I said my marriage vows, I made a PROMISE to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS. If you want to cheat, then don't get married. Yes, it's really that easy. And then you are saying that people who don't cheat only do so because we don't have the courage to tell our partners what we want? Um, no. We actually have the courage to tell our partners what we need and work on the problems instead of run away from them with another woman's husband.
If your marriage was perfect you'd be having sex with your husband not with some other loser who is cheating on his wife just like you are cheating on your husband.
You're selfish. I feel sorry for your husband. I also feel sorry for your cheating partner's wife.
Really? Are you kidding me? Are you a brick? You've got to be kidding me. There are actually wives out there who actually LOVE and ENJOY sex with their husband. They actually do have GREAT marriage, unlike you. You are in denial that you're not happy with your marriage or else you wouldn't be seeking for you "sexual desire"...because you don't have good sex life! And you are not remorseful at all for going to another wife's man to mess up their marriage.
You have been judging us..."jealous", yeah right my ass. You're a cheater. You're selfish. And I'm judging you, because you put it all out on here.
Let me guess:
You never ever spoke to your H about your sexual needs being met.
Am I right???
I
This is the most bizarre post. It's like some twisted version of "I feel sorry for your husband"; "I feel sorry for you for not cheating on your husband"?
OP, I have to echo mlee's question asking if your husband is aware of and accepting of this arrangement? I have heard of situations in which this is the case, and it is the only one in which I could understand your ire at those who are calling you out for cheating.
We actually have the courage to tell our partners what we need and work on the problems instead of run away from them with another woman's husband.
Obviously your husband doesn't have any health problems. Put yourself in our shoes and see what you would do.
Have you guys tried to figure out how to resolve these health problems? Like, gone to a doctor to see what they have to say?
Again, what does your H have to say about this?
There are so many ways that you could connect with your H without having to actually "have sex" if he can't do that. Have you tried vibrators or other alternate things? Giving him oral if he can't physically have sex?
You are being incredibly vague when you are talking about his health problems, so it's hard to help you here. Is he impotent? Is he paralyzed? Does he have mental health issues? Perhaps if you give us a little more info. we can help you find ways to be sexually fulfilled without cheating.
actually, now that i've read your responses i would like to amend my response:
my marriage is perfect because we intend to keep our promises and not engage in extramarital affairs. you know, that whole "in sickness & in health" portion of the vows.
i'm not jealous. in fact, i couldn't be more not jealous. fantasizing about other men and ACTING IT OUT are really two very different things.
i still won't encourage extramarital relations. and i will continue to give you the side eye. except now it's mostly because you don't feel that this is not at all an issue.
i hope that you have discussed this with your poor husband, and that he truly is 150% ok with it. if i had some health reason that resulted in a lack of consortium i wouldn't personally be ok with my husband going elsewhere, but that is just me.
oh, and because now that you've made me feel so awesome about my marriage, i would like to shout from the rooftops:
OUR MARRIAGE IS PERFECT! OUR SH!T DOESN'T STANK! WOOOO WOOOO!
that is all. you can now return to your cheater mccheater ways.
there is no good reason to cheat. I don't care if your husband is able to have sex with you or not. It doesn't mean you should go looking elsewhere. As someone else said, you promised to be faithful in sickness and in health. Obviously your own sexual satisfaction is more important to you than you're marriage vows. That makes you a cheater, plain and simple.
Talk to your lover about what you want. Make a game out of it... maybe tie him up so that it's up to you to move things forward?
But I wonder... if you honestly were looking for advice and not just attempting to troll, why the superfluous 'LOOK AT ME I'M A CHEATER!!!!!1' first sentence? I have no comment on how you and your H conduct your marriage, but trying to start drama is lame.
D+ for effort. This thread does not deliver.
really? we are sticks in the mud (it is not "stick in the muds"...mud can't be pluralized. also-it is "advice" not "advise"..two totally different words) because we don't think being a cheater mccheater is the best idea ever?
you're right-i hope i'm never in that situation. but since sex isn't the most important thing to us as is, i'm fairly confident i would be able to handle such an obstacle. it would certainly win over being a cheater mccheater.
and really, i'm not sure what you expected anyone to say to you. since you're obviously not a young, naive 16 yr old, why is this something you couldn't figure out on your own? you're lost in a moment? you don't know how to take initiative with a man? well. you seem to be able to take enough initiative to cheat on your husband, so i would say that if you put that same amount of effort in to your sexual relations with the other man that you'll find it works out just fine.
and tell me-why wasn't a vibrator an option? and bring your husband on-i'd like to hear his opinion on all of this! i want to speak to the man that is totally ok with his wife having sex with another (married) man because of his "illness"
I once had a friend who was raped then got married but with that husband it was wham bam I am done so she had to go to he bath room to masterbate to relief herself because she was left high and dry so she stayed on that situation until she couldn't take it any more so she divorced that husband
Then she met another man and lo and behold after doing her wifely duty it was the bath room scene all over again but this time she had met a male friend who helped her get away from her second husband.
Well the male was having a situation with his wife and she and her friend became friends with benefits. This time she didn't have to do herself cuz he satisfied her completely
Then I came into the picture and asked to put herself on the friends wife spot to see how she would feel and when they tried to have sex she couldn't cuz she felt how it felt to be the other woman. To this day they r just friends who shared sex in times of need. they were there to find out right or wrong and found out what they had to do to move on.
In my case I don't judge u cuz I am not u. U do what is best for u but have the courage to confront the situation so can have sex with out any guilt. with sex u can't control sex it controls u cuz its part of ur being so have to deal with it.