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Finals week stress + BOTB?
Hey all- I'm in my finals week at my university in Washington DC. Have 3 papers due pretty soon. I'm a Junior getting my BA in Sociology and I'm 29 years old. I've been married to my wonderful supportive husband for a little over a year now.
A lot of people look at me like I'm 'too old to be just getting my BA', but I am determined to graduate with it with only 3 semesters left. Being in the BA program means I'm around lots of 'young' people who tend to be immature or have different life goals than I do.
My biological clock has been going off since I was 26, but hubs and I wanted to wait until we were married, both out of school, and financially stable. We're married, hubs has his Masters and works full time to support us while I'm in school. (I work part time) We own a condo that is perfect for us 'right now' but if we start having kids, we'd need a bigger place.
The thing is- being around other students who like to drink, party, get involved in drama, and flake on classes/assignments really pisses me off. When I get pissed about things like that and stressed over assignements, finals, etc. I sometimes just want to quit school and just freakin' get started with a family. In today's working world, a BA usually means diddly-squat in getting a job. My mother had a bit of a struggle getting pregnant with me and my brother, and she was 25 when she had me. I'm afraid it'll be harder for me at 30 by the time I get my BA. DH tries to be supportive and says if we have a hard time, we'll get help, etc. and that lots of women have their first kid in their 30's. Logically and rationally, I know he's right. When I'm PMS'ing or stressed, I just really go baby-crazy then I calm down in a few days and go back to being rational.
I definitely and adamantly will not try to be pregnant while in school. I refuse to subject that kind of stress on our future baby and I have no idea if my pregnancy will be easypeasy or if I'll be puking the entire time. (Ofc, if we do get pregnant on accident, I would just quit school or take a leave of absence.)
So, I'm not sure if this is just a post to barf up my feelings and 'feel better' or if I'm looking for other people who have gone through the same thing. Thanks for reading. Time to get back to my final papers that will just digest my brain and poo it out in the end. 
Re: Finals week stress + BOTB?
I work in higher ed, and want to point out a few things.
This may very well be the climate at your school, but it's not the norm everywhere. It is VERY common for people outside of the traditional 18-22 age range to be finishing their bachelors. I tend to think you're more self-conscious about it, rather than thinking they're all judging you.
Why? They're doing what traditional college aged students do. This does not affect you (unless you're stuck doing group work).
It depends on the field you want to go into, but generally not true. What do you want to do with your sociology degree?
Just saying... if your pregnancy is mild with the morning sickness, you can go to school while pregnant without a problem. I've even had advisees who have come right back a week or two after having their child (not full time, mind you), and have done very well. It's all about planning and organization.
I would encourage you to consider your future working plans in light of your degree. It sounds like your biological clock is really ticking. When considering stopping out to have a baby, ask yourself:
1) What will that mean financially for DH, you and baby?
2) What kind of job will you have to get (if any) and will your working situation be satisfying to you?
3) If you're self conscious now about being "too old" to get a degree, how will you feel if you decide to go back a few years down the line?
Sometimes, when the stress of the current situation gets high (finals), the mind looks for other options, less stressful options. Given your age and relationship status, having a child, perhaps even staying home for a while, seems like an easier option than slogging through the next year and a half. Perfectly normal.
That is why it is important to sit down and really think about your goals with school, why you want your degree and how important it is to your future to finish this. Close your eyes and think about how much better (financially secure) your life would be for your family if you had that degree, worked for a year or two to pay off the student loans and get the nest egg going, BEFORE you had a child. If necessary, write these steps down and put them in your school work. Keep your eyes on the prize.
Ok, it maybe doesn't seem like a BA gets you very much but it really probably does. First of all, you are getting your degree in Sociology. What do you plan to do with that degree? I think that Soc is a field where you typically need a masters to do a lot of things, and you aren't going to get a MA without a BA first. Also, with the job market the way it is, employers can afford to be very, very picky about who they hired. Frankly, if I was looking at two candidates and all other things were equal, there's no way I would hire somebody who just dropped out of college as a junior. That really doesn't go very far in demonstrating that you won't just walk away when things get tough.
I never think you should make major life decisions in times of stress, so don't go all, "I'm quitting" during finals week. Take your semester break and really weigh your options here.
As for the TTC thing, I am 28 and my doctors are telling me I have TEN YEARS to conceive so don't let time running out be your determining cause here. You have only three semesters left. If you took summer courses you could even be done one year from now. Trust me, your degree is worth 12 more months of waiting.
I know how you feel, every time finals comes around (like now) I consider dropping out of school and having babies. It's getting tougher not to because I've been job searching for six months and so far have only found one interview. But then I think about how much harder it would be if I weren't getting this degree. And when we have kids, I want to be financially secure enough to stay home or at least cut down to part-time. So it's worth it!
Just focus on the things you do have: a supportive husband, the opportunity to be earning a BA, and the knowledge that technology surrounding conception and reproduction have advanced immensely since your mom got pregnant with you 30 years ago. Then grab a cup of hot chocolate and hunker down and earn that degree!
Disclaimer: I am not a fertility expert. I just read a lot.
I read about something called the "fertility decade" which is the prime time to have a child (both due to maturaity and biological age). This is between the ages of 25 and 35. Your body goes through it's healthiest eggs first, but 35 is when the health of your eggs starts to decline. (Decline, not go away completely). I believe your odds of getting pregnant late 30s each cycle is about 15% versus the 30% you have now, so even after 35, it's possible. It's just a little more difficult. I'm sure you have plenty of time. I know women who are your age, and don't even have plans to get married yet and still plan to have children in the future.
You don't want to look back on your life with regrets. I have a feeling you would be much more likely to regret NOT finishing your BA whereas I doubt waiting another year or two to conceive will really make that much of a difference in your entire life. I also think have a BA is important in your job search- sure, more people have master's now but that doesn't make a BA worthless.
I finished my BS at the age of 35 and my experience was nothing like what you're describing. Maybe it's because I went to a small private college? If I were you, I would just totally ignore what's going on around you and focus on your studies.
As for the pregnant thing while in school...probably not advisable...but in one of my classes, I had classmate who was pregnant with her 13th child. Had the baby over Easter weekend and made it back to class the following week.
Well if you're worried that a bachelors doesn't help with job hunting, having your high school diploma as your highest level of educational achievement doesn't exactly do a lot for you either.
And if you think finals week for a sociology major is stressful, wait till you have children, no degree, and you need a job, any job, and all the places you apply want candidates to have a bachelors in anything. Dropouts are a dime a dozen.
Finish. It's not that long from now, and you will not regret it.
Why do 21 year olds being 21 year olds make YOU want to have a baby?
Although it's true that you really won't know until you start trying, maybe making an appointment with your gyno will help ease your mind. Most gynos will do what's called a pre-conception visit when you tell them that you are thinking of TTC. They'll check to make sure everything is physically operating well and may even check hormone levels to be sure things are functioning properly. Knowing that everything is working as it should may help to ease your mind about your mom's TTTC and how that could affect you.
Also, if you're not on hormonal BC, you could start charting and get a lot of the same information. Reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility will be valuable to you no matter what, and your charts could also allay any fears about potential infertility if everything on them looks normal. Even if it doesn't, you'll have a year or so to treat any problems that arise before you start TTC.
As for the other things, don't drop out of school. Finals week is hell for everyone. You'll always regret not finishing, even if you become a SAHM. If you plan to work, I fear you'll regret it even more. You only have three semesters. Like PP said, maybe look into taking summer classes so you can be done by this time next year.
GL!