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Am I being too picky?
This Saturday we are going to the ILs house for an early Christmas celebration. In the past, we?ve had heavy apps and I think a sandwich or something light like that later.
This year, DH informs me it is apps only. This would be fine if we were heading over later in the day, but the party starts at noon-ish. We emailed asking what we should bring, and she just told us what she is preparing?shrimp cocktail and dessert! We have to drive an hour each way (minimum) and these events usually go all day into the evening. Is it wrong to expect her to make more food for 15 people, including kids? Not everyone even likes shrimp!!!
I find it so odd that we are invited over there with nothing substantial served. I honestly don?t like eating greasy apps all day. I thought of volunteering to bring something more substantial, which I probably will do, but it bugs me that in never crossed step MIL?s mind. Am I being a brat or is this weird?
~TTC Buddy to ebeneezer~
Re: Am I being too picky?
~TTC Buddy to ebeneezer~
no i think it's odd too but you don't have to go if you're that upset about it.
bring something.
~TTC Buddy to ebeneezer~
"My point is, should you invite everyone over and expect them to bring everything and make only one thing for everyone, for an entire day event? "
Depends on the family dynamic. This is from what you've said the way this part of the family does things. It's not really how my family works either. I don't think its rude though, because its what that group dictates as "normal".
I totally understand not wanting to eat greasy food all day, you should make the item you and your DH bring something you will enjoy eating. I would also make plans to stop for dinner on the way home, or better yet, start the crock pot when you leave and have dinner waiting for you when you get home.
I would bring something.... and A LOT of that something..... and I wound not stay as long as previous years due to the hunger factor.
Do I think it is odd.... a little. But to me it just sounds like a poor planned potluck. Maybe this is the 1st year Step MIL is doing a potluck and she hasn't figured it out yet.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Instead of bringing dips and crackers, bring a deli platter and some bread. Then guard that f*cking platter with your life and make sure you and your kids get some before everyone else does, because the rest of the party will feel the same way!
Or bring a more substantial appetizer like meatballs (you can post this same post on what's cooking, just say 'what can I bring that will keep us from fainting?" - and they'll give you some good recipes).
Yes, every family dynamic is different, but it is strange / bad manners to ask people over during a mealtime and not offer them food that will make a meal.
It is not bad manners (imo) to invite people to a holiday meal and ask them to help bring a dish. I personally don't do it, but usually the same people end up hosting every year, and it's really unfair to expect them to cook "because mom's home is closest to everyone" "because that's the tradition," "because we have a small apt with a tiny kitchen') etc. For a regular dinner party, yes, it's rude, but this is a little different.
Agreed.
That said, it doesn't have to hold you hostage. I wonder if you can bring a nice cold cut platter with sliced tomatoes and rolls. Or an interesting assortment of sandwiches. Or a hearty chili in a crock pot with shredded cheese. It doesn't seem like a big deal or expense to provide something a little bit better than a dip.
If she didn't want you to bring anything, I'd suggest a discrete sandwich in a tote with an ice pack for a mid-day hunger attack. But since guests are encouraged to bring heavy dips and apps, I think you could stretch the expected offering a bit. Just be low-keyed and discrete. Don't be the savor of eveyone else's bad menu choices. Just bring it and forget it - until you want a mid-day sandwich.
And to your question - no, people do all kinds of different things for the holidays. A host who wants to pass appetizers is just as good as one who wants everyone to sit down to lunch.
Agreed. I grew up in a family where everyone brings something to all family events. It's actually kind of funny because the same people bring the same things to every event, depending on their strengths. For example, my mom (while she is a good cook) aparently has a reputation from way back when us kids were little of not being a good cook. So, even though she cooks awesome now, she is told to bring the rolls and brownies to every family event. She always brings something else too, but it's just funny how the tradition has carried.
MH's family on the other hand, has a completely different tradition. Their tradition is that a few days before the event, everyone drops all of the ingredients for their dish to the hosts/hostesses' house. The host/hostess then prepares all of the dishes. Everyone else just provides only the ingredients. When I first came into the family, this astounded me, but it's how their family works, aparently it goes back to when DH's grandma was alive and loved to cook. I've learned to adapt. I've also learned that one of the fabulous things about living far away is never having to host.
I do think it is a bit odd. If you invite a group of people over to your house at noon and they will be there into the evening, I would assume there would be some sort of substantial food provided.
Would she mind if you brought something more? I certainly don't think the host should have to provide all of the food and in my family, although the host DOES do most of the meal, everyone brings sides, desserts, and appetizers. Who hosts rotates each year in a set order though so all participants share that responsibility.
I think you should either just bring or ask MIL if you can bring (depending on her personality) a crock pot with beef stew (my favorite crock pot recipe) or chili or something like that.
I personally don't think she's done a misstep. She's serving appetizers for an afternoonish gathering. If the word is out that appetizers are the day's fare, then no one should anticipate more.
Are you expected to stay past dinner time? When you called her, did you express your concern about your appetite? Go for the afternoon, leave and get dinner at home, or on the way home, or bring a picnic in a cooler or something.
Yeah it seems a bit odd to me, to only provide a small amount of food, not let others know to bring more dishes and then expect/demand people stay past dinner time.
There's nothing wrong with potluck, and there's nothing wrong with HOPING your guests stay for a long time, but it doesn't sound like she's going about things the right way to encourage guests to stay a long time.
the good thing is, you get to bring whatever food you like: a fruit platter, cheese and crackers, a plate of club sandwiches, sushi, quiche etc etc etc. and you get to go home when it suits you.
MIL may not request, expect or appreciate you bringing food but I don't think it's ever rude to bring food to share when there's a large number of guests, in fact I think it's very polite.
No one gets to hold you hostage, leave when it suits you and your family.
I think you're being a little picky, just because you assume that all the finger foods are going to be greasy. That just seems odd to me to assume from the start that you're not going to like anything there, especially when you can bring something yourself.
As a hostess that made a meat & potatoes course that was barely eaten while my entire table of finger foods was empty by the end of the night, I wonder if the hostess had a similar experience in the past and figured that everyone just prefers to do snacky finger foods instead of a big dinner at a party?
I think there are a lot of items that you could bring that could make up a meal while still being snacky, whether it be a meat & cheese tray with rolls, a crock pot full of pasta/meatballs or assorted turkey, ham and roast beef wraps. Just take something that sounds good for lunch.
An American Girl's Travels
You and your DH need to be on the same page with this situation. How about your DH emails MIL and tells her that what MIL requested you bring is not what you were thinking and you want to bring something more substantial. Then, let her know what you would like to bring in the email.
Also, eat lunch before you leave that day. It certainly does not need to be an "all day event" if MIL is hosting but there are no dinner plans. Again, you need to be on the same page with your DH and plan to leave on an agreed up certain time to have dinner at home. Or else it sounds like you will be going hungry that evening.
Nope. it's wierd for a host to want to take up their guests mealtime hours and not provide a meal. In this case it sounds like she wants to take up two mealtimes. You're right. If it were starting at three or something, it would not be a big deal, but you can't go on appetizers from 11 a.m. (since you're driving an hour) until after dinner time. That's a great way to have a miserable Christmas celebration.
Since it's Christmas, skipping it is probably not an option. I would do what the others said: bring food. And a lot of it. I'd get a big cooler and pack lot's of packs of sandwhich meat, cheese, bread, rolls, mayo and stuff, and a few of those cheap platter trays and set that stuff up at your MIL. I'd bring other stuff too, anything that could survive an hour in a cooler, like veggies and dip.
If she's the type that would get offended, then you need to eat when you get in town, get to MIL's at 1 and then leave so you'll get home at 5 or 6.