Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Do you get your grandparents Christmas gifts?
[Poll]
Re: Do you get your grandparents Christmas gifts?
Was your husband buying his grandparents a gift from him (as an adult) prior to your marriage?
My grandmother is now the only living grandparent either of us has. DH's grandmothers have both passed in the 2 years we've been married, but DH was buying presents for them before we got married and when we were dating I sometimes helped him pick them out.
We were getting one grandmother festive/dressy pins b/c she liked them for when she went out with family/friends. The other grandmother lived with ILs and had dementia, so we asked his parents for things that she needed, i.e. warm pajamas, slippers, bath robe, etc.
For my grandmother sometimes something like a framed picture. She pretty much has everything she needs and is always glad to have pictures of her babies.
I can't imagine not getting our grandparents a small gift. Do the grandparents give you gifts?
Why is it YOUR responsibility? Your husband has money and the ability to go shopping, doesn't he?
What did he say when your MIL raked you over the coals for this?
Well...I always did get my grandparents nice gifts when they were alive. I think whether you and your H do so depends on your H's feelings and what he has been doing all along.
Certainly your MIL should not have reamed you for this. Also, sending you the list of gifts for you to pick from is obnoxious. I would not use this list because I think it will set a precedent. It would give her the idea that she has a right to feel somewhat involved in your gift-giving.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
First, you need to nip this whole "dictating what you do and how you spend your money" thing in the bud now. Send MIL a book of manners for Christmas maybe?
Actually, what you do is ignore her demands and decide as a couple what you are going to do about giving Grandma a gif this year.
HOWEVER, if your DH has been giving Grandma gifts on his own, ie not allowing Mommy to buy for him and taking the credit, then you two need to continue this tradition unless there is a true monetary issue.
And if MIL has been handling your DH's giftgiving, then HE needs to make a decision on if HE wants to man up (that means telling Grandma that he was a wuss all these years and now that he is a grown man, he is declining OR spend the money).
As for what I do, I buy my Grandmothers small gifts of munchies from an online company. They get something around $25 each. They do not need more carp, but do enjoy to eat food.
neither of us have living grandparents but I think that details of my life is irrelevant to your situation.
What is relevant, is that he sorts out the gifts for his side and I sort the gifts for my side. There is no way I would take direction from MIL on how to spend my money.
I agree with pp, you need to nip this behaviour of hers in the bud.
Jim & Kristen ~ August 19, 2006
This as well. The whole MIL taking over and dictating thing needs to end here..... because if it doesn't... then she will start moving in on other areas of your Marriage and dictating what you need to do.
Where is your H in this?
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
i do something small. for example: this year at thanksgiving i got my mom to take a picture of me and my sister in a tree in our grannys front yard (HUGE pecan tree- easy to climb) i changed the photo effects/color to make it look like an old picture. so, she will get a 5x7 pic of me and my sister in the tree in her front yard of the house that she has always lived in.
I have the same budget for each grandparent that I have for my parents and sister, but they've been a huge part of my life the whole time.
That said, picking out gifts for my family is generally my responsibility and vice versa for FI. I may ask for ideas and I put both our names on it, but that's it. That will continue into our marriage.
Thanks for the advice. Hubby's 27 and never sent any of his grandparents gifts before, so he was blindsided too. The backstory is that this grandma sent us a Giant Check for our wedding, and although we appropriately expressed our gratitude for it at the time, it seems MIL thinks that wasn't enough and we're now supposed to grovel by starting to send Christmas gifts to this woman who already has everything.
What makes it weirder is that she's actually a step-grandma who married hubby's now-deceased grandpa when he was a small child. Neither my hubby or in-laws have ever lived in the same city as her, so the relationship is just.... weird.