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Crazy Sister In-Law
Ok, she isn't my SIL yet, but she is dating my brother in law (husband's brother). And here is the situation:
He and his ex wife filed for divorce about a year and a half ago and it was just finalized in October. He also has a three year old daughter. Meanwhile, this past spring, he starts dating this girl who lives on the west coast while he lives in the midwest. The met each other twice, and then she moved in with him. So they literally knew each other for like three months and had met each other twice. She also has a daughter that is almost four.
So, obviously everyone in the family thought this was kind of weird. But this past weekend, after she had been drinking A LOT, she told me that the only reason she moved out here is because my brother in law said that he would propose within the year. She doesn't work and now she is enrolled in school full time and I know that she doesn't have a lot of money and she didn't qualify for financial aid (because she told me). So basically, he is her and her daughter's meal ticket.
There are other, small things that have happened, but what I am most worried about is obviously my brother in law and my niece and this crazy taking advantage of him.
I have talked to my husband about it and he has the attitude that his brother will do what he wants to do. While I come from a family that if my brother was doing something this crazy, everyone would be all over it.
I know his mother doesn't know anything about this, but I know if someone told her, she would try to talk to sense or reason into my brother in law but I also don't think it is my place to tell her.
Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this situation?
Re: Crazy Sister In-Law
DON'T. Good God, your family is all in each other's business?
Does it sound weird? Yeah. But his brother is a grown adult, and this has nothing to do with you.
MYOB.
He's either fully aware of what's going on and wants to be with this girl anyway ... in which case, he's going to ignore anyone who tells him that she's no good ... and maybe he'll even marry her just to prove a point ...
Or he's genuinely too stupid to see what she's really like ... in which case, he's not going to believe anyone who tells him that she's no good.
And plus, it's his life and it's none of your business.
So, mind your own business and let him live his own life. If there are consequences to deal with, that's on him. Live and learn.
(I would only stay to step in if you knew for a fact that she was doing something like stealing money from him, or harming his child. But if you just don't like her, then that doesn't justify telling him how to live his life.)
Other than the one night you said she had been drinking a lot, does she strike you as a bad mother? Maybe just as much as you think she's taking advantage of your brother, he is taking advantage of her to be a mother figure for his daughter?
I agree with PP. He's a grown up (on paper) and will do as he pleases. Please don't interfere, you will not win, and even if you're right in the end, saying "I told you so" to your brother, or even the whole damn family won't make you- or anyone- feel better.
I don't really understand why you think the woman is crazy. Desperate, foolish, naive, maybe, but nothing you said indicates she is any more at fault than your BIL. I agree with the PPs, MYOB and realize your BIL is far from innocent in this situation.
Your H sounds very wise and your family sounds like a bunch of psychopathic busybodies. Butt the fcuk out and MYOB.
Who is taking advantage of whom? This woman uprooted her life (along with her child) to be with your BIL - supposedly b/c he promised marriage! I'm not sure that supporting this girlfriend (who also may be getting child support $ to pay for some expenses while she lives rent-free) is costing him more than he can afford.
Butt out. You have no idea what their arrangement is, and you've only heard the one side of the story - told to you while the storyteller was drunk.
If this woman is "taking him to the cleaners" maybe he'll learn a lesson from it. Your BIL is a grown adult. Respect that he is smart enough to live his own life without input from you.