wwyd? help

Aidens__mommy · December 2010

h told me that one of our friends did something with another girl behind his wifes back. his wife is one of my best friends. if i tell her i know it will all blow upand everyone will know it was me who told. but i feel awful not telling her bc i would want to know. she is like the only person i really hang out with. i am really upset. help. ps this was on my phone so it looks crazy

StingShark425 · December 2010

Oh dear. I have no real advice. I don't know what you should do. I've never been in that situation, and I really hope I never am.

I tend to think you should just stay out of it, but I don't know.

I'm sorry you are in this predicament. That's horrible.

MrsChelseaP09 · December 2010

If it were my best friend, I would tell her. There are things that I have held from my best friend, that her husband asked me not to tell her (like him buying a shot gun or agreeing to the baby name that she chose and just holding out on her for the fun of it)... but nothing as serious as that. Wouldn't you want her to tell you if your H did the same thing?

Aidens__mommy · December 2010

i told h not to give me details bc i couldnt handle it. i would normally say stay out of it too but i feel like i have this horrible secret now. and i dont want to lie to her. what a jackass he is. ugh. i feel so upset

Aidens__mommy · December 2010

yes i would want her to tell me. ugh. i know stuff is going to hit the fan with this. h knew i wouldnt want to keep this from her. we are going to be in orlando with thim tomorrow and i dont want to say anything before that. i dont want to see her husband though. h made me promise not to tell anyone before he told me what it was. this just sucks

sara76 · December 2010

HAY!! Where did my response go? This happens to me a lot. I'm not good at following through on my posts apparently. I had typed out a long response.

Well basically it went like this. Sucks to be you. It's no fun to be in that situation. But I would tell her. If I really considered someone a friend who I hope to know in 10 years, I would tell her. It may just be a he said/she said story and you don't really know because you weren't there. And may be that her H already told her and they are already working on it. But would you want to know? I would. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

StingShark425 · December 2010

If you feel you need to say something I would make sure you know for certain that this actually happened.

I think I would need to know details.

Did he get another girls number? Made out w/ another girl? danced w/ another girl @ the bar?

IMO, those things matter..

MrsChelseaP09 · December 2010

Aidens__mommy:
i told h not to give me details bc i couldnt handle it. i would normally say stay out of it too but i feel like i have this horrible secret now. and i dont want to lie to her. what a jackass he is. ugh. i feel so upset

I want to change my response. I would tell my BFF's husband that he needs to tell her or I will. That way he knows its coming. I am just as good of friends with him as I am with her.

Aidens__mommy · December 2010

her h was in the garage doing something with his brothers fiance during their christmas party and two people walked in on them. i didnt want to know more details. his brother was one of the people that walked in and he broke up with his fiance right then. i was sitting with my friends when her h told her that they were just talking. his brothers fiance is now moving back up north. i am pretty sure she would have told me if she knew already

sara76 · December 2010

MrsChelseaP09:
Aidens__mommy:
i told h not to give me details bc i couldnt handle it. i would normally say stay out of it too but i feel like i have this horrible secret now. and i dont want to lie to her. what a jackass he is. ugh. i feel so upset
I want to change my response. I would tell my BFF's husband that he needs to tell her or I will. That way he knows its coming. I am just as good of friends with him as I am with her.

This sounds good!

StingShark425 · December 2010

So, other people know. Not just your H?

That whole thing sounds shady and more serious then I was originally thinking.. I agree, you should tell her.. Or, as Chelsea said. Tell her H that he needs to tell her, or you will.

Aegis2005 · December 2010

I'd want to know. If you friend knew your DH was cheating on you, wouldn't you want her to tell you? It will be ugly. There's no way around it, but imagine how ugly it would be if he keeps doing this to her, she doesn't know, but finds out one day - and knows that you knew. How devastated would she be then.

You don't have to say "your DH was fooling around" because you didn't witness it, but you could say that you've heard rumors that he was fooling around, and while you don't know if it's true or not you felt she should know what you'd heard.

Good luck - I would hate to be in your shoes.

Mrs.Jason.9.15.07 · December 2010

Obviously she already has an idea that something *may* have happened that night. So you would only be confirming what she already knows.

I like Chelsea's suggestion of giving her H the option to handle it appropriately.

What a tough situation you are in. I have been in that situation before and I kept my mouth shut. Needless to say, my ex-BFF did find out from someone else that her BF was a cheater and she totally cut out that friend in her life and ended up marrying the d-bag. I think my friend was willing to accept her BF's denial of the story instead of the truth for her friend. I think it was just easier for her to deal with the betrayal of her friend rather than the betrayal of her BF. Oh, and we are not friends for a totally different reason. But I did regret not speaking up......

Mrs.Kristen · December 2010

at the same point i agree with saying something but what is this going to cause between u and H i know you said at one point things were a little rocky by you saying something is this going to cause a rift between you two because it is also something to consider you live with him .

HappyMrsK · December 2010

Aidens__mommy:
yes i would want her to tell me. ugh. i know stuff is going to hit the fan with this. h knew i wouldnt want to keep this from her. we are going to be in orlando with thim tomorrow and i dont want to say anything before that. i dont want to see her husband though. h made me promise not to tell anyone before he told me what it was. this just sucks

I don't really know what to tell you. However, if you are comfortable with the guy you may want to let him know that you know and maybe tell him he ought to be the one to tell his wife. I mean if he told your husband he may have told other people too and it's only a matter of time before she will find out anyway. I would try to encourage him to tell his wife before she finds out from someone else.

I'm sorry you are put in the middle of this situation.

Aidens__mommy · December 2010

Mrs.Kristen:
at the same point i agree with saying something but what is this going to cause between u and H i know you said at one point things were a little rocky by you saying something is this going to cause a rift between you two because it is also something to consider you live with him .

H thought it was funny when he was telling me this. I don't really care what he thinks about anything anymore

Mrs.Kristen · December 2010

Aidens__mommy:

Mrs.Kristen:
at the same point i agree with saying something but what is this going to cause between u and H i know you said at one point things were a little rocky by you saying something is this going to cause a rift between you two because it is also something to consider you live with him .

H thought it was funny when he was telling me this. I don't really care what he thinks about anything anymore

Yeah i'd be a little poed that he thought it was funny....

nicoleg1982 · December 2010

Fuckthat fuckingasshole. You need to tell your BFF asap. Apparently, you are going to be her only true friend and advoate. This douche doesn't need an opportunity to spin a web of lies to tell her, or to put you in a bad light by telling other lies. Tell her. Before this weekend.

AND WHAT ABOUT HER VAGINA?! If he is such a fuckingscumbag to do something that trashy with his fSIL, who knows WTF else he's out there doing with any ol' streetskank. She needs to know. And go get a STD test.

And your H deserves a junkpunch for putting you in that position AND for finding it humorous at all. With that attitude, it seems he has little respect for the institution of marriage. Expect some fallout between you and your H, but it seems like you value your relationship with your BFF more than your marriage these days.

And fuckpeople who put good people in these schitty situations.

MrsChelseaP09 · December 2010

nicoleg1982:
Fuckthat fuckingasshole. You need to tell your BFF asap. Apparently, you are going to be her only true friend and advoate. This douche doesn't need an opportunity to spin a web of lies to tell her, or to put you in a bad light by telling other lies. Tell her. Before this weekend.

AND WHAT ABOUT HER VAGINA?! If he is such a fuckingscumbag to do something that trashy with his fSIL, who knows WTF else he's out there doing with any ol' streetskank. She needs to know. And go get a STD test.

And your H deserves a junkpunch for putting you in that position AND for finding it humorous at all. With that attitude, it seems he has little respect for the institution of marriage. Expect some fallout between you and your H, but it seems like you value your relationship with your BFF more than your marriage these days.

And fuckpeople who put good people in these schitty situations.

Well said... and am I the only one that notices that TN didn't sensor your post? lol

diamondgrrl5 · December 2010

Aegis2005:

I'd want to know. If you friend knew your DH was cheating on you, wouldn't you want her to tell you? It will be ugly. There's no way around it, but imagine how ugly it would be if he keeps doing this to her, she doesn't know, but finds out one day - and knows that you knew. How devastated would she be then.

You don't have to say "your DH was fooling around" because you didn't witness it, but you could say that you've heard rumors that he was fooling around, and while you don't know if it's true or not you felt she should know what you'd heard.

This. I was in a situation in college where a BF did cheat on me. Nobody ever told me until after we broke up for other reasons. I felt so betrayed that my so-called "friends" never said anything that I couldn't trust them after that. With H, there was a situation where he was hiding stuff from me when we first got married (not cheating). I had no clue until my brother told me his suspicions. It helped me because I had the chance to put a stop to it and address it with my H. Not only did it make my relationship stronger (because we were able to communicate openly about it) but I am ever grateful to my brother that had the courage to tell me and stand by me through it all. Good Luck.

ChangeOfPace · December 2010

I'm kind of torn on this one. First, you weren't there so anything you bring to your friend will be heresay. If you feel compelled to say something to her, I would just say that you've heard rumors about something having happened and you want to be there for her and support her. I understand wanting to say something to her and I respect what a good friend you are for being willing to put yourself out there like that.

The one thing I would absolutely not do is confront her husband and issue him an ultimatum. First, this goes back to the whole heresay thing. You weren't there so you're not in a position to tell him he must tell his wife about something you have no proof happened. Second, this may just be me being a realist and a little bit paranoid, but people tend to do crazy sh!t when their back is against a wall. I would not want to provoke someone who has such questionable morals to begin with. It is rare, but people do act out violently sometimes when they think they are being threatened. There is no way I would go anywhere near putting myself in the middle of someone else's marriage. You will become the centerpiece of this whole mess if you confront her husband. I just think that's a terrible idea.

And finally, though I don't generally condone violence, I want to junk punch your husband so bad every time something new surfaces about him. The fact that he could find anything about this situation humorous (amongst other things) makes me question how seriously he really takes marriage in the first place.

wwyd? help

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