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Vent: Sister (long)
Ugh. That is the best way to describe how I feel.
So she is not getting help. At all. She has basically stopped going to school. She is nothing but mean to my mom. I'm pretty sure she spends her time getting high. Oh, and she's disrespectful to everyone.
I've tried reaching out to her. Let her know how much I love her. Let her know I want her to be happy. Tip toe around her so she doesn't get upset.
Then a couple weeks ago she de-friended me on FB. I was a bit miffed, but whatever. I figured it was because she had gone through my Mom's texts. Mom vents to me and often asks me to see if sister is on FB during school hours. So I get it.
Now out of the blue she emails me on Facebook to explain why she de-friended me. It was just as I thought. But she ends it with this "let me know when your ready to stop talking about me behind my back, and i might consider adding you"
I need the opinions of someone that is not in the situation. Here was my response:
"If you don't want to be my friend on FB, so be it. I'm not worried about it.
And
I do not feel bad that you went through Mom's messages (invading HER
privacy AND mine) and read our conversations. Mom vents to me. She
needs an outlet. She is alone. So yeah, I listen to her and talk to
her about it. I think sometimes you forget that she has feelings too.
And
secondly, I think Mom has every right to know if you're in school or
not. She provides you with everything and the one thing you should do
is go to school.
So that's how I feel. I'm sorry if I betrayed
your trust. But I wouldn't change what I did. So you're right that
it's probably better we're not friends on here."
Please be brutally honest. I'm at a loss here. Was I too nice? Should I have apologized more for betraying her trust? I know that she feels alone. However, she doesn't seem to care about the consequences of her actions/words. I was trying to let her know she's not the only one with feelings.
Thank you if you made it this far. I feel like I'm being sucked into high school drama. I love her but she drives me crazy. (She is 15 so I guess that is somewhat normal)
Re: Vent: Sister (long)
I don't think that you were too hard on her, but I am concerned that the wording of your email made her feel like you and your mom are ganging up on her.
But no, I don't think you needed to apologize to her more. If anything, don't play into her power trip. "I MIGHT consider adding you"? She's not the queen of the world and you're right, you don't need to be sucked into this.
Sorry you're dealing with this. Hang in there.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
My first thought would be to have conversations without facebook. It's not really meant for that sorta thing, even though I'm sure we've all done it. See if you can get in touch with her face to face to sort of talk things through. She might get up and leave, but at least you gave it a shot in a good atmosphere. Sometimes it's tough to get the right message across when your actions can't be seen as well.
At this point, I think it's all up to your sister whether she wants help or not. It's nice that your mom is helping her out, but if she's relying on all that help, she may never get up the gusto to take care of herself. I know it's tough, but there has to be a point when you decide enough is enough and just wait it out for her to make her own mistakes.
So sorry you're going through this. I know it's not easy to stand by and watch family hurt themselves.
Thanks ladies.
Ringy, that's what I'm worried about. I don't want her to feel like we're all against her, but I don't want her to think she can do whatever she pleases. It's this fine line that I'm having a hard time handling.
Snoopy, you're right. They are flying in tomorrow. I wasn't going to respond until she added the snotty remark about her thinking about adding me. I should have waited. I'm not sure why she emailed me that right before she's a guest in my home. I'm sure we'll talk about it when she's here.
ETA: I tell my mom all the time she needs to take all of her material possessions away. This girl is spoiled rotten. She breaks/loses a phone at least 2-3 times a year and instantly gets a new one, she shops weekly, she has everything she could ever ask for. It's like she feels entitled. I think my mom is too worried about causing my sister to dislike her.
It sounds like she's not accountable for her actions. What did your mum say to her about going into her phone?
Besides, it's not like she doesn't *** about you to her friends, I'm sure. She needs to get over herself.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
She is definitely not held accountable. I would guess that my mom didn't say anything. She probably apologized.
I'll be having a heart-to-heart with my mom while they're visiting. It's out of control.
And thank you for making this observation. It really helped me put it into perspective.
When we were teenagers, my mom used to tell me and my sister both that it wasn't her job to make us like her. She was our mother, not our BFF.
The Daily Nugget
Cycle 12, IUI #1 - 33m post wash 10/15/10 = BFN
Cycle 13, IUI #2 - 15m post wash 11/16/10 = BFP, missed m/c, D&C 1/3/11
Cycle 15 - 18, IUI #3-6 = BFN
Cycle 20, IUI #7 = BFP!, missed m/c 9/14, D&C
DE-IVF Aug. 2012: ER 8/30 11R, 7M, 4F; ET 9/4 returned 2
Beta 9/18 #1-820, #2-1699, #3-7124
10/1 1st u/s measuring right on track, 125 bpm
Amen to that. Kids SAY they don't want rules, but what they really want is rules.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog