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So Here's a New One...
I'm sending out my Christmas cards-- a photo card with pictures of my son, me and my husband.
I'm sending them to family and a limited number of close friends. Here's the issue: my best friend lives with my ex-boyfriend. I'm not really excited about it, and neither are the majority of our other friends (he's a mentally and emotionally abusive douchenozzle and we're all hoping that she'll come to her senses soon), but I've told her from the beginning that she needs to do what makes her happy and I'll support her no matter what. She was with me through some really rough times and the least I can do is be supportive.
Well, they live together. She and I still hang out, even when he's around, but he and I have never talked. I treat him as someone I used to know and don't particularily like.
So, would it be worse to send the card to their home addressed to just her or is it worse to send a card to your ex with pictures of your new family?
Re: So Here's a New One...
I would send it to her alone. People have to be engaged, married or living together in a COMMITTED way (not sure how to explain this - - I guess living together as life partners) before I address the s.o. in my holiday cards. Because my relationship isn't with the both of them - - and unless they are living their lives as a true unit, not just "boyfriend and girlfriend at the same address," I don't feel the need to include the partner.
Also, in your case, you don't want him opening the mail. So address it to her.
If she asks you about it, just say you feel funny about sending photos of yourself addressed to an ex.
FWIW, DH was estranged from his dad and reconcilled with him this year. But we're not sending his dad a holiday card b/c his dad won't notice and we don't want his dad's wife (that we don't like) to have an opening into our lives. If they weren't married and if FIL was 100% mentally together, we would send the card only to FIL.
I would send her a more personal Christmas card. Not one of the ones with your pictures, but one you buy at Target.
That's a great idea. Thanks! I really value her friendship, so I remember her with a card, but I was really wary about sending the picture card, even though she loves DS.
So here's the backstory... BFF is a couple years younger than me and we went to college together. I dated ex for 4 years and we were thisclose (like three weeks) from getting engaged, and I couldn't take the abuse any more. He'd pick on my weight, tell me that I wasn't attractive, ignore me, get mad at me for no reason, and a million other things...and my low self-esteem put up with it for FOUR YEARS. I didn't really talk about the crap he had done and said to me after we broke up, because he was out of my life and it was time to move forward.
Anyway, after we broke up, BFF and I started hanging out and became BFFs. Meanwhile, ex was best friends with BFF's co-worker and they all started hanging out. He asked her out about a year after our break-up, and she asked me if it was okay. I figured that she would see how much of a douche he was on the first date and that would be the end of it, plus, I was with DH. Well, he turned on his charm and is now preying on her low self worth just like he preyed on mine. Its to the point where his ten-year-old niece told him that if he didn't straighten up, he'd lose BFF just like he lost me.
So, no, I'm not happy with the fact that they are dating, especially when she is in tears because he's treating her like absoute crap. But, she needs people to support her until she figures out that she deserves more than what he's giving her. At the few social events we have attended together, its a non-issue, because he ignores her, so then we can talk. I regret every time I hear her talk about him or see him treat her badly that I didn't shout from the rooftops what a jerk he was.